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Poignant Pearls & Potbellied Pigs February 2002
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sheldene chant
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Feb 23, 2002 05:31 PST
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POIGNANT PEARLS & POTBELLIED PIGS
Vol. 3 Issue 2 February, 2002
:
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CONTENTS
- Hello there . . .
- Inside Story
- A Walk on the Beach
- Do you throw 'stars' or collect shells?
- eNonyMouse - inspecting kitchens
- To Get Something Done Ask a Pig
- Give Yourself an Edge in the Job Market
- And Tomorrow Save The World
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HELLO THERE . . .
…you with the stars in your eyes, a grasshopper brain and
thoughts without boundaries…
I'm rushing around as usual - in fact more so than usual because
I realised this morning that I hadn't completed this issue which
contains an ad swap offering you a free moonstone - as long as
you subscribe by the 25th. (Actually I've changed the date to the
28th and I'm sure the ad swapper, who is a cyber friend of mine,
won't let me down.)
Don't know if you've noticed that the only ads that appear now
are few and far between. (There were never very many except
for my pleas for you to join The Newbie Club (and maybe
even buy something ) at http://newbieclub/?pearlsandpigs -
(but you don't, of course, because you don't realise this is
the only way to keep free ezines, free!).
To get an ad in this prestigious publication you not only have to
be a friend of mine, you have to be advertising something that I
think might appeal to our readers. If you are a writer in embryo
look for the ad headed 'For Writers' and subscribe to my mate
Pat Skinner's newsletter, which is full of information and tips.
In this issue I have included an article, A Walk on The Beach,
which was in the second issue of PP&PP in July 2000. At that
time we only had 25 subscribers so I don't think I will upset too
many of you by doing a rerun. (The idea of rehashing some of
the stories I wrote earlier quite appeals to me, now that the
subscription list runs into hundreds. If you object very strongly
please let me know.)
I have also contributed 'If You Want Something Done Ask a Pig'.
I set out to write about a completely different subject, was
sidetracked, and now can't remember what the other article
was supposed to cover. (Which proves one must make
notes if one wants to earn a living writing - I keep reminding
myself of that.)
Charles Burke's 'And Tomorrow, Save The World' rang all
sorts of warning bells as his 'example' to-do list reads very
like my real one (no wonder I'm constantly harassed). Apart
from that Melvin Durai hands out tips to job hunters, and Jan
Tincher provides a thought for the month.
Hope you enjoy this little escape from the real world. See you
next time..
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo
NEWBIES, NERDS & NITWITS
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INSIDE STORY
(...who needs enemies when you
have a husband and a 'secretary' - Ed.)
I WAS right. Sheldene's new venture (selling houses) lasted
exactly two-and-a-half days before she walked out. I won't bore
you with the why's and wherefore's - simply let me remind you
that I predicted she would find the role of 'normal person'
impossible to sustain.
Of course I have suffered. Home again, she began rearranging
the whole house. Her desk etc is now in one of the spare
bedrooms (so she can concentrate), and the television has
been relocated (so I can't watch it). Fortunately she's keeping
out of the way now, rehashing the Newbies & Nitwits webpage,
while planning another website which will feature her 'writing
portfolio' (what a laugh). This should keep her quiet for at least
three months.
In the middle of the rehashing, Sheldene learned that the website
in its present form had received a high rating in some scoring
exercise. Even that hasn't put her off. She was euphoric for
about an hour and then began sulking about the five marks out
of 72 which she did not get. And this is the woman who
constantly lectures others about positive thinking.
Apart from that the only excitement has been her ongoing war
with the neighbour. This time about a noisy airconditioner and I
have to admit it was horrific as the two houses are very close,
and the large, illegal aircon. is mounted on an outside wall.
Our weather has been sweltering, with humidity levels at danger
point, so the perpetual clanging and banging from 'their'
airconditioner was the last straw.
Over a two-week period Sheldene ranted and shrieked, sent
Keith next door with threatening messages (couldn't go herself
as she was close to committing murder), and also organised a
lawyer's letter.
And was ignored.
Such was her fury that for a few glorious days I waited for the
stroke, which should surely have been inevitable, to carry her off.
Then she decided to fight back. Despite Keith's protests ('This is
NOT how to behave', he said), she dragged the hi-fi to the
closest window and balanced the speakers on the sill. Keith
refused to help her and nor would he fetch the two larger
speakers which are stored in a top cupboard out of her reach.
Sadly, just as she was preparing for blast-off (it was going to be
the worst of Mango Groove, and they are trying to conduct a
serious business next to us), the aircon. was switched off.
What a relief. We are revelling in the sound of the sea but I
think Sheldene is secretly disappointed.
She enjoys a bit of a brawl - as long as she is the instigator.
(No comment - Ed.)
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A WALK ON THE BEACH
by Sheldene Chant
WHEN there's wind through your hair, sand on your toes, gulls
swooping and waves crashing, it's natural to believe everything
on the beach is lovely.
Or it would be, if you were by yourself.
I am so thankful I live close to the sea that I actually manage to
say 'thank you' to whatever powers there be, quite often.
But there is a down side. I love going to the beach but can't quite
bring myself to leave my dogs at home. It would be so selfish.
Which is why I was crouching in thick bush, on a sand
dune, cursing.
I couldn't possibly repeat what I said, but I told my eldest
son in a weak moment - and he thinks I was lucky not to be
arrested for soliciting.
Our four dogs, ranging in size from medium to very, very big,
gallop along the sand, wallow in the lagoon, hurl themselves into
the sea and enjoy it all thoroughly. However, they have to be
coaxed to get there. In fact two of them have to be lifted up
bodily and tossed into the back of a small car.
(Oh, my aching back..)
Of course we live within easy walking distance of the beach, but
that is out of the question. Just try attaching yourself to the end
of a lead which is going to be hauled by two Collies and two St
Bernards.
Once on the seashore (where dogs are not allowed) the canine
quartet disappears into the distance. It is a long and lonely
stretch where you get the odd holidaymaker, or two, wandering
foolishly off the beaten track.
With a menacing growl, my dogs soon settle their hash.
Then there is the child who takes his fishing seriously. He has
laid out his bait (gleaming, fat, silver fish) in a straight line, and
is fishing nearby.
You cannot imagine how much St Bernards relish raw, fresh
sardines, dusted with a little sand.
Further along a group of men are attempting to haul their boat out
of the surf and onto a trailer. It's not too difficult and they've
almost made it when this howling pack descends on them - and
they drop the boat.
Meanwhile I am doing the sand, sun and sea bit - isn't life
marvellous - and scooping little packages, which the dogs have
left behind , into a plastic bag. After all, I do consider other
beachcombers most of the time.
I can see what the mutts are doing, but there is no use shouting
because the wind is blowing in the other direction and they never
take any notice of me anyway.
However, it is hard to relax completely. Sooner rather than later I
am going to catch up with the frightened holidaymakers, the
deprived child/fisherman and the men loading the boat.
The dogs will choose that very moment to come bouncing back
to identify me as their mistress (huh) - and I will have to
apologise and apologise - perhaps even grovel - again.
It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't clutching the plastic bag, and I
only hope no-one guesses its contents.
When the groveling is over we turn for home. Time to clip on the
leashes (you can do this when they are tired), walk back to the
car and reload the Collies who object to any form of transport.
Only this time they don't wait for me to put on the leads but,
instead, pelt off into the overgrown dunes and disappear.
And I completely lose it.
The dogs have gone - probably forever. There's no-one to help
me. I long to be at home, preferably in bed.
Soon, however, my self-pity turns to fury. I hurl the plastic bag
into the bush - and to hell with other beachcombers.
Omygod - where are the car keys?
So I'm down on my hands and knees in the thick undergrowth,
croaking and cursing. In fact, almost crying with rage.
Perhaps someone up there does, after all, like me because the
dogs are coming back - to see what I 'm doing, no doubt - and I
miraculously find the keys.
I might bring the hounds from hell back to the beach - sometime.
Copyright 2000 Sheldene Chant All Rights Reserved
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A Tip For Daily Living from Jan Tincher
ARE YOU A STAR THROWER OR A
SHELL COLLECTOR?
DO you walk along the beach and collect shells, or do
you walk along the beach and throw the starfish back in,
hoping the offshore pull is strong enough to take it out
to sea?
A star thrower, in the real sense, does what he can to
heal humanity. A shell collector takes care of himself.
A star thrower knows that life cannot be collected. It can't
be owned, earned, worn, or consumed. It must be nurtured.
A shell collector spends his life owning, earning, wearing,
and consuming, thinking that's how he betters himself.
Are you a star thrower or a shell collector?
____________________________________
Would you like a FREE phone session with Jan Tincher,
a nationally recognized expert in Hypnotherapy and Master
Neuro-Linguistic Programming? Click here to find out how!
Http://www.TameYourBrain.com/subscribe.htm
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eNonyMouse...
(...has been inspecting kitchens and was
most impressed by the homely 'signs'
encountered. These ones really took his
fancy...)
*A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is
delirious
.
*No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
*A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives
the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
*A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
*Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
*Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they
shall never cease to be amused.
*A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
*Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
*Housework done properly can kill you.
*Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and
gone on to lead normal lives.
*My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.
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GIVE YOURSELF AN EDGE IN THE JOB MARKET
urges Melvin Durai
THESE are tough economic times in America. If you're like
me, you're saving money any way you can. I've set my
thermostat down to 60 degrees, moved my couch closer to
the fireplace and replaced my firewood with Enron stock.
Who said they're worthless?
In this harsh economic climate, it's important to have a
job, any job. But finding a job isn't easy, especially since
so many companies are laying off workers. Competition for
jobs is so intense that Wal-Mart recently sent a rejection
letter to Dennis Rodman. 'Dear Mr. Rodman: It appears you
may have misunderstood one of our advertisements. Just to
clear things up: Our PRICES are dropping, not our
standards.'
With all the competition, it's vital for job seekers to give
themselves any edge, aside from asking George O'Leary to
write their resumés. That's why I've decided to offer a few
tips to help people stand out. Some of these tips may seem
obvious, but, trust me, they're often overlooked.
---Tip #1: Learn to speak English. When the economy was
strong, some folks were able to find decent jobs in America
by knowing just three words of English: 'Me want job.'
Others, realizing the importance of grammar, tried a little
harder: 'Me wants job.'
These days, three words aren't enough to secure a job in
any part of America outside Miami. Job seekers must learn
at least six words, particularly these six words: 'Would you
like fries with that?'
Those may seem like easy words, but some immigrants
really struggle with them. A few have been fired from fast-food
restaurants for repeatedly asking customers, 'Would you like
flies with that?'
As you can imagine, a number of customers complained. One
man in West Virginia was enraged. 'Hey, I ordered flies with
my burger, not fries.'
---Tip #2: Go easy on the tattoos and body piercing, unless
you plan to join the circus. One or two is OK, but when your
entire body is green and every appendage is pierced, don't
expect the Christian Light Bookstore to hire you.
Yes, I know: some tattoos are art. In fact, Leonardo Da
Vinci once considered putting Mona Lisa on someone's butt.
But he didn't realize that, with the help of a navel ring, he could
have hung that butt in a gallery.
---Tip #3: Make a good impression at the job interview. Wear
some nice clothes and, even if it's not the right day of the
month, consider taking a bath. Don't let the interviewer
smell you before he sees you.
If you're a man, it's probably a good idea to trim your
nails, mustache and any unruly locks of nose hair. If you're
a woman, try to keep your facial hair to a minimum --
without removing your eyebrows.
---Tip #4: Do some research. Employers are impressed when
you know something about them. You might want to find out,
for example, what they do. Don't ask the manager of Cracker
Barrel how heavy the barrels are. And don't ask the manager
of Subway when the first train arrives.
---Tip #5: Don't do drugs. Most employers test for drugs and
if you fail the test, you won't get a second chance, unless
you're in the National Football League. If you like to get high
several times a week, apply for a job as a flight attendant. It's
safer and it won't deplete your bank account. Which means
you'll have enough money to buy art for your wall, not your butt.
(c) Copyright 2002 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved
______________________________
Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and
occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he
grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early
1980s.Through the Internet, his column is read by
thousands of people in more than 70 countries.
For a free subscription to one of America's most
entertaining and thought-provoking columns, send a
blank message to mailto:durai-h-@mail-list.com
or go to http://www.melvindurai.com
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HAVE YOUR SAY...
You can join the discussion list, Pigchat, by
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From My High Horse
TO GET SOMETHING DONE
ASK A PIG...
DID you know that Goats like to get their own way by wearing
their partners down, and if you want something done you should
ask a Pig?
By delving into Chinese astrology you will become aware of a
number of other interesting things. For instance Rabbits have a
tendency to plot in secret, and Tigers don't like to be crossed
(but you knew that anyway.)
It can explain why you feel uncomfortable with someone to
whom, according to the signs of the Zodiac, you should relate
very well. You may even find your Chinese sign suits you better -
I would always choose to be a Dragon (a law unto oneself)
rather than a fish.
There is no fixed date for the beginning of the Chinese year as it
coincides with the Winter Equinox, which hovers between the
end of January and mid-February. The years are measured in
cycles of 12 and each one is represented by an animal. In
addition each animal is governed by an element such as Earth,
Wood, Wind and Fire, but we're not going there..
It is easy for most of us to sort out our animal identity as it
depends on the year we were born. (However, those with a
birthday between late January and the middle of February may
discover when they consult the Chinese calendar that they are a
year younger!) Fortunately this calendar, with all the relevant
animal characteristics, is usually included in books on Feng
Shui.
The animals involved are the Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon,
Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig. The
present cycle began with the Rat in 1984 so, if you are a
mathematical genius, I'm sure you can work it out....
Of course one also has to categorise everyone else and some of
your acquaintances may object to disclosing their true date of
birth. In this case you'll have to grab their passport, or
something, because believe me it's worth the effort. Some of
these animals appear to be quite tricky. For a start Horses
(1942, 1954, 1966 etc) don't really get on with Rats, Oxen,
Rabbits, Dragons, Snakes, Monkeys, Pigs - and other Horses.
They like Dogs and Tigers, quite like Goats and can just tolerate
Roosters.
The bad news is that our fortunes each year are determined by
how compatible we are with the animal ruling that year - and
2002 is the year of the Horse.
Other animals that can be picky are Monkeys (1944,'56,'68),
Roosters (1945,'57,'69), Oxen (1949,'61,'73) and Rabbits
(1939,'51,'63), with five 'dislikes' each. Pigs (1947,'59',71) and
Dragons (1940,'52,'64) head the compatibility poll as, apart from
shunning their own kind, Pigs only frown on Snakes
(1941,'53,'65), and Dragons on Dogs (1946,'58,70).
By now you surely realise how important this is. Imagine being a
poor, defenceless Rabbit sitting in an office or at a Book Club,
totally oblivious that you are surrounded by Tigers (1938,'50,'62),
Horses, Monkeys and Roosters, all of whom are incapable of
appreciating you much.
No doubt you are beginning to wonder who actually cherishes
who in this zoo. I have already mentioned that Horses hang out
with Tigers and Dogs. Snakes, Oxen and Roosters form
another mutual admiration society; Goats (1943,'55,'67), Rabbits
and Pigs enjoy each other's company, and it's hard to separate
Dragons from Rats and Monkeys.
Right at this minute I can't recall ever being particularly intimate
with any Rats (1936,'48,'60) or Monkeys. I must pursue this.
Which brings me to the next exercise - checking out one's
immediate family. This could be depressing if you are a Horse.
Sorting out the yings and yangs is never straightforward so there
are degrees of compatibility listed as Excellent, Good, Workable
and Difficult - in my Feng Shui book. When dealing with family I
am sure one should take everything into account and so far I
have only referred to the likes (excellent) and dislikes (difficult).
There are seven of us comprising two Snakes, a Dragon, an
Ox, a Rabbit, a Rooster and a Goat. As the dragon I have no
difficult relationships in this group but it would appear that the Ox
(I'm sure this is wrong) could have a problem with me.
Fortunately he is on excellent to good terms with the rest of the
family, although he also finds the Goat a bit of a pain.
In fact, the more I study this the more alarming it gets. Here I am
with two Snakes, an Ox, and a Rooster (who love each
other to bits) plus a Rabbit and a Goat (also soul mates). I
should be protected by admiring Rats and Monkeys, but where
are they?
Whooping it up with luckier Dragons, no doubt!
Have fun analysing your own menagerie - if you dare. I'm off to
find an astrologer with slanting eyes ...
Copyright 2002 Sheldene Chant All Rights Reserved
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AND TOMORROW, SAVE THE WORLD
by Charles Burke
DENNY was always choking himself at our school lunch
table.
You've heard of biting off more than you can chew? Not
Denny. I never saw him chew. He'd bite off more than he
could swallow. At least twice a day he'd shovel in too much
and we'd see him stop, his eyes watering, while he strained
to get it all down.
In the four years I knew him, Denny never learned to take
smaller bites.
The ironic thing? We used to laugh at Denny, and yet, for
years I did exactly the same thing with my daily schedules.
A typical To-Do list might look like:
TODAY I WILL -
1. Write my new book
2. Submit it to 10 publishers
3. Promote the book on radio stations
4. Outline my next book
I'm exaggerating here, but not by much.
At the end of the day, I'd look at my list, with nothing
checked off, and get discouraged. It takes forever to check
anything off a list like that.
My problem? I was greedy and didn't want to settle for
little steps.
Like Denny, what I really needed to do was cut things up
into smaller, bite-size chunks and then tackle them one at a
time.
To-Do lists serve two purposes. First, of course, they help
you organize your activities and get things done in a
logical sequence. But the second purpose is to supply
positive feedback. We need to know that we're making forward
progress, and how much.
Part of motivating yourself is supplying that positive
feedback to yourself. And if you use lists with over-size
chunks, it can take days or weeks to get one item done.
That makes it hard to keep the feeling of momentum, so it's
naturally hard to stay motivated.
The main problem is, I can be impatient to get started. I
like doing things more than I like planning them.
So I'd often be tempted to cut short my morning planning
time. I'd throw all sorts of things into my list, assuring
myself, that, well, I know I won't get all the way down the
list today, so I can carry some items over till tomorrow.
That's when I would write in these huge jobs. I did that
because I was in a hurry and didn't take the time to think
it through and break them down into the individual steps.
I wasn't cutting the chunks into small, manageable bites.
I guess everybody has heard the old riddle: How do you eat
an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time. It may be a joke,
but there's a lot of wisdom underneath the laughter.
The job of a To-Do list is to feed you bites, not elephants.
If your To-Do list usually has you scheduled to move
boulders and mountains instead of pebbles and rocks, you
probably need to cut up those tasks into smaller chunks.
Some people refer to this as "chunking down."
So if there are days when you have trouble finishing your To-
Do list, take a closer look at the items you've written
there. How big are they?
Can you really write that eBook today? Or design and write
an entire website?
Try taking more time to think your tasks through. By cutting
that elephant into bites, it's a lot easier to get the job
done. And it forces us to do something that may be very
unfamiliar - thinking.
When you find yourself impatient to just go ahead and get
started and to heck with the details, you're setting
yourself up for extreme frustration.
That's the way you cheat your project (and yourself) of the
analytical thought needed for logical continuity.
And don't try to kid yourself that you're a 'natural
manager' who handles details intuitively, on the fly. That's
just rationalization.
Even natural managers, like my friend Denny, choke when
they try to swallow elephants.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles Burke, the author of two books on luck, runs
The Sizzling Edge, a members-only website featuring quick-
impact self-help and success techniques for real people.
Introductory Offer: JOIN NOW and receive a full one-year
membership FREE: http://www.sizzlingedge.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Copyright 2002 Poignant Pearls & Potbellied Pigs
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<br>
<x-tab> </x-tab><b>POIGNANT
PEARLS & POTBELLIED PIGS<br><br>
</b><x-tab> </x-tab>
Vol. 3 Issue 2 February, 2002<br><br>
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<br>
<x-tab> </x-tab><x-tab> </x-tab>
<b>CONTENTS<br><br>
</b><x-tab> </x-tab>-
Hello there . . .<br><br>
- Inside
Story<br><br>
<x-tab> </x-tab>- A Walk
on the Beach<br><br>
- Do you throw
'stars' or collect shells?<br><br>
- eNonyMouse -
inspecting kitchens<br><br>
- To Get Something
Done Ask a Pig<br><br>
- Give Yourself an
Edge in the Job Market<br><br>
- And Tomorrow
Save The World<br><br>
<br>
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
<br>
<x-tab> </x-tab><x-tab> </x-tab>
<b>HELLO THERE . . .<br><br>
</b>…you with the stars in your eyes, a grasshopper brain and<br>
thoughts without boundaries…<br><br>
I'm rushing around as usual - in fact more so than usual because<br>
I realised this morning that I hadn't completed this issue which<br>
contains an ad swap offering you a free moonstone - as long as<br>
you subscribe by the 25th. (Actually I've changed the date to
the<br>
28th and I'm sure the ad swapper, who is a cyber friend of mine,<br>
won't let me down.)<br><br>
Don't know if you've noticed that the only ads that appear now<br>
are few and far between. (There were never very many except<br>
for my pleas for you to join The Newbie Club (and maybe<br>
even buy something ) at
<a href="http://newbieclub/?pearlsandpigs" eudora="autourl">http://newbieclub/?pearlsandpigs</a>
-<br>
(but you don't, of course, because you don't realise this is<br>
the only way to keep free ezines, free!).<br><br>
To get an ad in this prestigious publication you not only have to<br>
be a friend of mine, you have to be advertising something that I<br>
think might appeal to our readers. If you are a writer in embryo<br>
look for the ad headed 'For Writers' and subscribe to my mate<br>
Pat Skinner's newsletter, which is full of information and tips.<br><br>
In this issue I have included an article, A Walk on The Beach,<br>
which was in the second issue of PP&PP in July 2000. At that<br>
time we only had 25 subscribers so I don't think I will upset too<br>
many of you by doing a rerun. (The idea of rehashing some of<br>
the stories I wrote earlier quite appeals to me, now that the<br>
subscription list runs into hundreds. If you object very strongly<br>
please let me know.)<br><br>
I have also contributed 'If You Want Something Done Ask a Pig'.<br>
I set out to write about a completely different subject, was<br>
sidetracked, and now can't remember what the other article<br>
was supposed to cover. (Which proves one must make<br>
notes if one wants to earn a living writing - I keep reminding<br>
myself of that.)<br><br>
Charles Burke's 'And Tomorrow, Save The World' rang all<br>
sorts of warning bells as his 'example' to-do list reads very<br>
like my real one (no wonder I'm constantly harassed). Apart<br>
from that Melvin Durai hands out tips to job hunters, and Jan<br>
Tincher provides a thought for the month.<br><br>
Hope you enjoy this little escape from the real world. See you<br>
next time..<br><br>
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
NEWBIES, NERDS & NITWITS<br><br>
'Support' ezine for everyone needing a helping<br>
hand with their first forays around a PC and the<br>
Internet.<br>
Subscribe today by sending a blank email to:<br>
<<a href="mailto:nerdsandnitwi-@topica.com" eudora="autourl">mailto:nerdsandnitwi-@topica.com</a>><br>
To view previous issues surf to:<br>
<<a href="http://www.topica.com/lists/nerdsandnitwits/read" eudora="autourl">http://www.topica.com/lists/nerdsandnitwits/read</a>><br><br>
VISIT the website at<br>
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<br>
<x-tab> </x-tab><x-tab> </x-tab> <b>INSIDE STORY<br><br>
</b> <i>(...who needs enemies when you<br>
have a husband and a 'secretary' - Ed.)<br><br>
</i>I WAS right. Sheldene's new venture (selling houses) lasted<br>
exactly two-and-a-half days before she walked out. I won't bore<br>
you with the why's and wherefore's - simply let me remind you<br>
that I predicted she would find the role of 'normal person'<br>
impossible to sustain.<br><br>
Of course I have suffered. Home again, she began rearranging<br>
the whole house. Her desk etc is now in one of the spare<br>
bedrooms (so she can concentrate), and the television has<br>
been relocated (so I can't watch it). Fortunately she's keeping<br>
out of the way now, rehashing the Newbies & Nitwits webpage,<br>
while planning another website which will feature her 'writing<br>
portfolio' (what a laugh). This should keep her quiet for at least<br>
three months.<br><br>
In the middle of the rehashing, Sheldene learned that the website<br>
in its present form had received a high rating in some scoring<br>
exercise. Even that hasn't put her off. She was euphoric for<br>
about an hour and then began sulking about the five marks out<br>
of 72 which she did not get. And this is the woman who<br>
constantly lectures others about positive thinking.<br><br>
Apart from that the only excitement has been her ongoing war<br>
with the neighbour. This time about a noisy airconditioner and I<br>
have to admit it was horrific as the two houses are very close,<br>
and the large, illegal aircon. is mounted on an outside wall.<br><br>
Our weather has been sweltering, with humidity levels at danger<br>
point, so the perpetual clanging and banging from 'their'<br>
airconditioner was the last straw.<br><br>
Over a two-week period Sheldene ranted and shrieked, sent<br>
Keith next door with threatening messages (couldn't go herself<br>
as she was close to committing murder), and also organised a<br>
lawyer's letter.<br><br>
And was ignored.<br><br>
Such was her fury that for a few glorious days I waited for the<br>
stroke, which should surely have been inevitable, to carry her off.<br><br>
Then she decided to fight back. Despite Keith's protests ('This is<br>
NOT how to behave', he said), she dragged the hi-fi to the<br>
closest window and balanced the speakers on the sill. Keith<br>
refused to help her and nor would he fetch the two larger<br>
speakers which are stored in a top cupboard out of her reach.<br><br>
Sadly, just as she was preparing for blast-off (it was going to be<br>
the worst of Mango Groove, and they are trying to conduct a<br>
serious business next to us), the aircon. was switched off.<br><br>
What a relief. We are revelling in the sound of the sea but I<br>
think Sheldene is secretly disappointed.<br><br>
She enjoys a bit of a brawl - as long as she is the instigator.<br><br>
<i>(No comment - Ed.)<br><br>
</i>öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!<br>
To date only seven of you have done this!!!<br><br>
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A MOONSTONE...<br>
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traditions of a new gemstone or crystal in every issue. Plus, if<br>
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<b>A WALK ON THE BEACH<br><br>
by Sheldene Chant<br><br>
</b>WHEN there's wind through your hair, sand on your toes, gulls<br>
swooping and waves crashing, it's natural to believe everything<br>
on the beach is lovely.<br><br>
Or it would be, if you were by yourself.<br><br>
I am so thankful I live close to the sea that I actually manage to<br>
say 'thank you' to whatever powers there be, quite often.<br><br>
But there is a down side. I love going to the beach but can't quite<br>
bring myself to leave my dogs at home. It would be so selfish.<br><br>
Which is why I was crouching in thick bush, on a sand<br>
dune, cursing.<br><br>
I couldn't possibly repeat what I said, but I told my eldest<br>
son in a weak moment - and he thinks I was lucky not to be<br>
arrested for soliciting.<br><br>
Our four dogs, ranging in size from medium to very, very big,<br>
gallop along the sand, wallow in the lagoon, hurl themselves into<br>
the sea and enjoy it all thoroughly. However, they have to be<br>
coaxed to get there. In fact two of them have to be lifted up<br>
bodily and tossed into the back of a small car.<br>
(Oh, my aching back..)<br><br>
Of course we live within easy walking distance of the beach, but<br>
that is out of the question. Just try attaching yourself to the end<br>
of a lead which is going to be hauled by two Collies and two St<br>
Bernards.<br><br>
Once on the seashore (where dogs are not allowed) the canine<br>
quartet disappears into the distance. It is a long and lonely<br>
stretch where you get the odd holidaymaker, or two, wandering<br>
foolishly off the beaten track.<br><br>
With a menacing growl, my dogs soon settle their hash.<br><br>
Then there is the child who takes his fishing seriously. He has<br>
laid out his bait (gleaming, fat, silver fish) in a straight line, and<br>
is fishing nearby.<br><br>
You cannot imagine how much St Bernards relish raw, fresh<br>
sardines, dusted with a little sand.<br><br>
Further along a group of men are attempting to haul their boat out<br>
of the surf and onto a trailer. It's not too difficult and they've<br>
almost made it when this howling pack descends on them - and<br>
they drop the boat.<br><br>
Meanwhile I am doing the sand, sun and sea bit - isn't life<br>
marvellous - and scooping little packages, which the dogs have<br>
left behind , into a plastic bag. After all, I do consider other<br>
beachcombers most of the time.<br><br>
I can see what the mutts are doing, but there is no use shouting<br>
because the wind is blowing in the other direction and they never<br>
take any notice of me anyway.<br><br>
However, it is hard to relax completely. Sooner rather than later I<br>
am going to catch up with the frightened holidaymakers, the<br>
deprived child/fisherman and the men loading the boat.<br><br>
The dogs will choose that very moment to come bouncing back<br>
to identify me as their mistress (huh) - and I will have to<br>
apologise and apologise - perhaps even grovel - again.<br><br>
It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't clutching the plastic bag, and I<br>
only hope no-one guesses its contents.<br><br>
When the groveling is over we turn for home. Time to clip on the <br>
leashes (you can do this when they are tired), walk back to the <br>
car and reload the Collies who object to any form of transport.<br><br>
Only this time they don't wait for me to put on the leads but,<br>
instead, pelt off into the overgrown dunes and disappear.<br><br>
And I completely lose it.<br><br>
The dogs have gone - probably forever. There's no-one to help<br>
me. I long to be at home, preferably in bed.<br><br>
Soon, however, my self-pity turns to fury. I hurl the plastic bag<br>
into the bush - and to hell with other beachcombers.<br><br>
Omygod - where are the car keys?<br><br>
So I'm down on my hands and knees in the thick undergrowth,<br>
croaking and cursing. In fact, almost crying with rage.<br><br>
Perhaps someone up there does, after all, like me because the<br>
dogs are coming back - to see what I 'm doing, no doubt - and I<br>
miraculously find the keys.<br><br>
I might bring the hounds from hell back to the beach - sometime.<br><br>
<b>Copyright 2000 Sheldene Chant All Rights Reserved<br><br>
<br>
</b>öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
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killers, Subject lines, Pop 3's, aliases and all the other<br>
Gobbledygook? The picture-driven 'Email for Newbies' from the<br>
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A Tip For Daily Living from Jan Tincher<br><br>
ARE YOU A STAR THROWER OR A<br>
SHELL COLLECTOR?<br><br>
DO you walk along the beach and collect shells, or do<br>
you walk along the beach and throw the starfish back in,<br>
hoping the offshore pull is strong enough to take it out<br>
to sea?<br><br>
A star thrower, in the real sense, does what he can to<br>
heal humanity. A shell collector takes care of himself.<br><br>
A star thrower knows that life cannot be collected. It can't<br>
be owned, earned, worn, or consumed. It must be nurtured.<br>
A shell collector spends his life owning, earning, wearing,<br>
and consuming, thinking that's how he betters himself.<br><br>
Are you a star thrower or a shell collector?<br>
____________________________________<br><br>
<i>Would you like a FREE phone session with Jan Tincher,<br>
a nationally recognized expert in Hypnotherapy and Master<br>
Neuro-Linguistic Programming? Click here to find out how!<br>
<a href="http://www.tameyourbrain.com/subscribe.htm" eudora="autourl">Http://www.TameYourBrain.com/subscribe.htm</a><br><br>
</i>öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
<b>eNonyMouse...<br><br>
</b> <i>(...has been inspecting kitchens and was<br>
most impressed by the homely 'signs'<br>
encountered. These ones really took his<br>
fancy...)<br><br>
</i>*A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is<br>
delirious<br>
.<br>
*No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.<br><br>
*A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives<br>
the impression he just cleaned the whole house.<br><br>
*A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.<br><br>
*Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.<br><br>
*Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they<br>
shall never cease to be amused.<br><br>
*A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.<br><br>
*Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.<br><br>
*Housework done properly can kill you.<br><br>
*Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and<br>
gone on to lead normal lives.<br><br>
*My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.<br><br>
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
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<b>GIVE YOURSELF AN EDGE IN THE JOB MARKET<br>
<br>
</b> <b> urges Melvin Durai<br><br>
</b>THESE are tough economic times in America. If you're like<br>
me, you're saving money any way you can. I've set my<br>
thermostat down to 60 degrees, moved my couch closer to<br>
the fireplace and replaced my firewood with Enron stock.<br>
Who said they're worthless?<br><br>
In this harsh economic climate, it's important to have a<br>
job, any job. But finding a job isn't easy, especially since<br>
so many companies are laying off workers. Competition for<br>
jobs is so intense that Wal-Mart recently sent a rejection<br>
letter to Dennis Rodman. 'Dear Mr. Rodman: It appears you<br>
may have misunderstood one of our advertisements. Just to<br>
clear things up: Our PRICES are dropping, not our<br>
standards.'<br><br>
With all the competition, it's vital for job seekers to give<br>
themselves any edge, aside from asking George O'Leary to<br>
write their resumés. That's why I've decided to offer a few<br>
tips to help people stand out. Some of these tips may seem<br>
obvious, but, trust me, they're often overlooked.<br><br>
---Tip #1: Learn to speak English. When the economy was<br>
strong, some folks were able to find decent jobs in America<br>
by knowing just three words of English: 'Me want job.'<br>
Others, realizing the importance of grammar, tried a little<br>
harder: 'Me wants job.'<br><br>
These days, three words aren't enough to secure a job in<br>
any part of America outside Miami. Job seekers must learn<br>
at least six words, particularly these six words: 'Would you<br>
like fries with that?'<br><br>
Those may seem like easy words, but some immigrants<br>
really struggle with them. A few have been fired from fast-food<br>
restaurants for repeatedly asking customers, 'Would you like<br>
flies with that?'<br><br>
As you can imagine, a number of customers complained. One<br>
man in West Virginia was enraged. 'Hey, I ordered flies with<br>
my burger, not fries.'<br><br>
---Tip #2: Go easy on the tattoos and body piercing, unless<br>
you plan to join the circus. One or two is OK, but when your<br>
entire body is green and every appendage is pierced, don't<br>
expect the Christian Light Bookstore to hire you.<br><br>
Yes, I know: some tattoos are art. In fact, Leonardo Da<br>
Vinci once considered putting Mona Lisa on someone's butt.<br>
But he didn't realize that, with the help of a navel ring, he could<br>
have hung that butt in a gallery.<br><br>
---Tip #3: Make a good impression at the job interview. Wear<br>
some nice clothes and, even if it's not the right day of the<br>
month, consider taking a bath. Don't let the interviewer<br>
smell you before he sees you.<br><br>
If you're a man, it's probably a good idea to trim your<br>
nails, mustache and any unruly locks of nose hair. If you're<br>
a woman, try to keep your facial hair to a minimum --<br>
without removing your eyebrows.<br><br>
---Tip #4: Do some research. Employers are impressed when<br>
you know something about them. You might want to find out,<br>
for example, what they do. Don't ask the manager of Cracker<br>
Barrel how heavy the barrels are. And don't ask the manager<br>
of Subway when the first train arrives.<br><br>
---Tip #5: Don't do drugs. Most employers test for drugs and<br>
if you fail the test, you won't get a second chance, unless<br>
you're in the National Football League. If you like to get high<br>
several times a week, apply for a job as a flight attendant. It's<br>
safer and it won't deplete your bank account. Which means<br>
you'll have enough money to buy art for your wall, not your butt.<br><br>
<b>(c) Copyright 2002 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved<br>
______________________________<br>
</b><i>Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and<br>
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<i>From My High Horse<br><br>
</i> <b>TO GET SOMETHING DONE<br><br>
ASK A PIG...<br><br>
</b>DID you know that Goats like to get their own way by wearing<br>
their partners down, and if you want something done you should<br>
ask a Pig?<br><br>
By delving into Chinese astrology you will become aware of a<br>
number of other interesting things. For instance Rabbits have a<br>
tendency to plot in secret, and Tigers don't like to be crossed<br>
(but you knew that anyway.)<br><br>
It can explain why you feel uncomfortable with someone to<br>
whom, according to the signs of the Zodiac, you should relate<br>
very well. You may even find your Chinese sign suits you better -<br>
I would always choose to be a Dragon (a law unto oneself)<br>
rather than a fish.<br><br>
There is no fixed date for the beginning of the Chinese year as it<br>
coincides with the Winter Equinox, which hovers between the<br>
end of January and mid-February. The years are measured in<br>
cycles of 12 and each one is represented by an animal. In<br>
addition each animal is governed by an element such as Earth,<br>
Wood, Wind and Fire, but we're not going there..<br><br>
It is easy for most of us to sort out our animal identity as it<br>
depends on the year we were born. (However, those with a<br>
birthday between late January and the middle of February may<br>
discover when they consult the Chinese calendar that they are a<br>
year younger!) Fortunately this calendar, with all the relevant<br>
animal characteristics, is usually included in books on Feng<br>
Shui.<br><br>
The animals involved are the Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon,<br>
Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig. The<br>
present cycle began with the Rat in 1984 so, if you are a<br>
mathematical genius, I'm sure you can work it out....<br><br>
Of course one also has to categorise everyone else and some of<br>
your acquaintances may object to disclosing their true date of<br>
birth. In this case you'll have to grab their passport, or<br>
something, because believe me it's worth the effort. Some of<br>
these animals appear to be quite tricky. For a start Horses<br>
(1942, 1954, 1966 etc) don't really get on with Rats, Oxen,<br>
Rabbits, Dragons, Snakes, Monkeys, Pigs - and other Horses.<br>
They like Dogs and Tigers, quite like Goats and can just tolerate<br>
Roosters.<br><br>
The bad news is that our fortunes each year are determined by<br>
how compatible we are with the animal ruling that year - and<br>
2002 is the year of the Horse.<br><br>
Other animals that can be picky are Monkeys (1944,'56,'68),<br>
Roosters (1945,'57,'69), Oxen (1949,'61,'73) and Rabbits<br>
(1939,'51,'63), with five 'dislikes' each. Pigs (1947,'59',71) and<br>
Dragons (1940,'52,'64) head the compatibility poll as, apart from<br>
shunning their own kind, Pigs only frown on Snakes<br>
(1941,'53,'65), and Dragons on Dogs (1946,'58,70).<br><br>
By now you surely realise how important this is. Imagine being a<br>
poor, defenceless Rabbit sitting in an office or at a Book Club,<br>
totally oblivious that you are surrounded by Tigers (1938,'50,'62),<br>
Horses, Monkeys and Roosters, all of whom are incapable of<br>
appreciating you much.<br><br>
No doubt you are beginning to wonder who actually cherishes<br>
who in this zoo. I have already mentioned that Horses hang out<br>
with Tigers and Dogs. Snakes, Oxen and Roosters form<br>
another mutual admiration society; Goats (1943,'55,'67), Rabbits<br>
and Pigs enjoy each other's company, and it's hard to separate<br>
Dragons from Rats and Monkeys.<br><br>
Right at this minute I can't recall ever being particularly intimate<br>
with any Rats (1936,'48,'60) or Monkeys. I must pursue this.<br><br>
Which brings me to the next exercise - checking out one's<br>
immediate family. This could be depressing if you are a Horse.<br><br>
Sorting out the yings and yangs is never straightforward so there<br>
are degrees of compatibility listed as Excellent, Good, Workable<br>
and Difficult - in my Feng Shui book. When dealing with family I<br>
am sure one should take everything into account and so far I<br>
have only referred to the likes (excellent) and dislikes (difficult).<br><br>
There are seven of us comprising two Snakes, a Dragon, an<br>
Ox, a Rabbit, a Rooster and a Goat. As the dragon I have no<br>
difficult relationships in this group but it would appear that the Ox<br>
(I'm sure this is wrong) could have a problem with me.<br>
Fortunately he is on excellent to good terms with the rest of the<br>
family, although he also finds the Goat a bit of a pain.<br><br>
In fact, the more I study this the more alarming it gets. Here I am<br>
with two Snakes, an Ox, and a Rooster (who love each<br>
other to bits) plus a Rabbit and a Goat (also soul mates). I<br>
should be protected by admiring Rats and Monkeys, but where<br>
are they?<br><br>
Whooping it up with luckier Dragons, no doubt!<br><br>
Have fun analysing your own menagerie - if you dare. I'm off to<br>
find an astrologer with slanting eyes ...<br><br>
<b>Copyright 2002 Sheldene Chant All Rights Reserved<br><br>
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<br>
<b>AND TOMORROW, SAVE THE WORLD<br><br>
</b> by Charles Burke<br><br>
<br>
DENNY was always choking himself at our school lunch<br>
table.<br><br>
You've heard of biting off more than you can chew? Not<br>
Denny. I never saw him chew. He'd bite off more than he<br>
could swallow. At least twice a day he'd shovel in too much<br>
and we'd see him stop, his eyes watering, while he strained<br>
to get it all down.<br><br>
In the four years I knew him, Denny never learned to take<br>
smaller bites.<br><br>
The ironic thing? We used to laugh at Denny, and yet, for<br>
years I did exactly the same thing with my daily schedules.<br><br>
A typical To-Do list might look like:<br><br>
TODAY I WILL -<br>
1. Write my new book<br>
2. Submit it to 10 publishers<br>
3. Promote the book on radio stations<br>
4. Outline my next book<br><br>
I'm exaggerating here, but not by much.<br><br>
At the end of the day, I'd look at my list, with nothing<br>
checked off, and get discouraged. It takes forever to check<br>
anything off a list like that.<br><br>
My problem? I was greedy and didn't want to settle for<br>
little steps.<br><br>
Like Denny, what I really needed to do was cut things up<br>
into smaller, bite-size chunks and then tackle them one at a<br>
time.<br><br>
To-Do lists serve two purposes. First, of course, they help<br>
you organize your activities and get things done in a<br>
logical sequence. But the second purpose is to supply<br>
positive feedback. We need to know that we're making forward<br>
progress, and how much.<br><br>
Part of motivating yourself is supplying that positive<br>
feedback to yourself. And if you use lists with over-size<br>
chunks, it can take days or weeks to get one item done.<br><br>
That makes it hard to keep the feeling of momentum, so it's<br>
naturally hard to stay motivated.<br><br>
The main problem is, I can be impatient to get started. I<br>
like doing things more than I like planning them.<br><br>
So I'd often be tempted to cut short my morning planning<br>
time. I'd throw all sorts of things into my list, assuring<br>
myself, that, well, I know I won't get all the way down the<br>
list today, so I can carry some items over till tomorrow.<br><br>
That's when I would write in these huge jobs. I did that<br>
because I was in a hurry and didn't take the time to think<br>
it through and break them down into the individual steps.<br><br>
I wasn't cutting the chunks into small, manageable bites.<br><br>
I guess everybody has heard the old riddle: How do you eat<br>
an elephant? Answer: One bite at a time. It may be a joke,<br>
but there's a lot of wisdom underneath the laughter.<br><br>
The job of a To-Do list is to feed you bites, not elephants.<br><br>
If your To-Do list usually has you scheduled to move<br>
boulders and mountains instead of pebbles and rocks, you<br>
probably need to cut up those tasks into smaller chunks.<br>
Some people refer to this as "chunking down."<br><br>
So if there are days when you have trouble finishing your To-<br>
Do list, take a closer look at the items you've written<br>
there. How big are they?<br><br>
Can you really write that eBook today? Or design and write<br>
an entire website?<br><br>
Try taking more time to think your tasks through. By cutting<br>
that elephant into bites, it's a lot easier to get the job<br>
done. And it forces us to do something that may be very<br>
unfamiliar - thinking.<br><br>
When you find yourself impatient to just go ahead and get<br>
started and to heck with the details, you're setting<br>
yourself up for extreme frustration.<br><br>
That's the way you cheat your project (and yourself) of the<br>
analytical thought needed for logical continuity.<br><br>
And don't try to kid yourself that you're a 'natural<br>
manager' who handles details intuitively, on the fly. That's<br>
just rationalization.<br><br>
Even natural managers, like my friend Denny, choke when<br>
they try to swallow elephants.<br>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br>
<i>Charles Burke, the author of two books on luck, runs<br>
The Sizzling Edge, a members-only website featuring quick-<br>
impact self-help and success techniques for real people.<br>
Introductory Offer: JOIN NOW and receive a full one-year<br>
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</i>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br>
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<b>Copyright 2002 Poignant Pearls & Potbellied Pigs<br><br>
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