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Poignant Pearls & Potbellied Pigs, May, 2002.txt
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sheldene chant
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May 28, 2002 08:15 PDT
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POIGNANT PEARLS & POTBELLIED PIGS
Vol. 3 Issue 5 May, 2002
:
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CONTENTS
- Hello there . . .
- Inside Story
- We Joined The Bandarlog...
- The Silent Victims of Divorce
- eNonyMouse - best bumper stickers
- Summertime...
Butterfly Garden Basics
Moments in May
- Being a Pack Rat 'Hurts' in Ways
You Don't Even Realize
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo
HELLO THERE . . .
…you with the stars in your eyes, a grasshopper brain
and thoughts without boundaries…
It's the time of year when I become jealous of everyone
living in the Northern Hemisphere...because you are going into
summer while I prepare for winter! Here I am sitting in long
woollen socks and my witchlike pashmina while you plan
picnics and so forth.
Alright...I'll admit it doesn't get very cold on the coast of
KwaZuluNatal. It's 23 degrees Centigrade today (73.4 F) but
our houses are not designed to hold in the heat. It might be
quite nice outside but inside I'm miserable...
Hence the Summer Fes in this issue. Deborah Shelton tells
us how to attract butterflies in Butterfly Garden Basics, while
Arlene M. Kaptur, in Moments in May, conjures up visions of
smooth lawns, tinkling glasses and delicious dainties. However
don't expect anything mundane, like recipes, because this is
strictly inspirational.
Still on the Spring and Summer theme, Jan Tincher suggests
you unsettle the dust which is gathering in all your favourite
hiding places...and believe me this works. A couple of years
ago I caught the Feng Shui bug and my husband and I bundled
up half we owned (during our clean sweep) and gave it away.
It was miraculous.
Come to think of it, things have been stagnating lately so it may
be time to do this again. Read Being a Pack Rat Hurts in Ways
You Don't Even Realise and perhaps you too will be encouraged
to de-clutter your world.
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo
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INSIDE STORY
(As she is completely unresourceful I suppose
it is difficult for Griselda to appreciate inventive,
intelligent people - Ed.)
FOR the first time I'm the one holding up the works. Everything
except this article is 'ready to roll' - I quote. Honestly, anyone
who didn't know better would think, listening to this ridiculous
woman, that she was in charge of some national daily complete
with the world's largest printing press.
Our high-powered editor is crouched in the next room, peering at
her computer through two sets of glasses - normal for
Sheldene so hardly worth mentioning. Surprisingly for someone
so beady eyed, she is extremely short sighted but hates to admit
this.
I had only been here a few days when someone asked her to
look at a ship out at sea -only to be informed that she couldn't
because 'I don't have my eyes in...'
That was when I discovered she wore contact lenses
...sometimes. I now know life is a lot more pleasant when
she is without them because I'm spared the angry muttering
about the state of her skin, the filth in the house, etc etc.
And of course she has other visual aids including a pair of
dark prescription sunglasses, which she wears at night, in the
rain, or while watching TV.
Sheldene reads a lot but seems to have a problem with close
print - if she is using her contact lenses. So she bought a pair of
horrid little granny glasses at the chemist, but most of the time
she just takes the contact lenses out as for some strange
reason she can read quite well without them.
However the granny glasses are still well worth the few cents
she paid for them as she uses them, in tandem with the dark
glasses, at the computer.
It's all very complicated. The granny glasses are useless
without the contact lenses, and the dark glasses are not
suitable for reading. Although Sheldene can see the computer
screen, providing she leans forward and sticks her head out, this
hurts her neck and we all suffer. However my boss is not easily
defeated.
You see she had this brilliant idea. First of all she put the granny
glasses in front of the dark glasses, and bound the frames
together with Sellotape - which more or less worked in a lopsided
fashion.
Then one day Sheldene experienced another flash of brilliance.
She put the small glasses on first and the larger dark glasses on
top of them - with no tape - thereby solving the problem.
Casual visitors used to find the dark glasses hard to handle - you
see no-one in this household ever explains anything - and I can
tell they find two pairs of spectacles worn at once equally
startling. To date, however, no-one has had the nerve to
comment.
But that's not the end of this saga. I've just remembered there
are two other sets of glasses. How could I forget the ultra
smart normal sunglasses....and the heavy duty horrors which
she wears in the sea?
The latter are another of Sheldene's bargain buys and she
wears these to protect her contact lenses from the waves
when she's swimming. A piece of string attached
to each 'arm' hangs around her neck - to prevent the awful
sunglasses being swept away when the surf is rough.
Of course she looks like hell but neither Keith nor I breathe
a word because she was at one stage threatening to get
swimming goggles - and then she really would resemble
a frog.
By the way the little bird, Wobbler, is still dining with the dogs,
dangerously. He has been identified as an African Wagtail,
usually found near rivers and lagoons, but the book didn't say
anything about a passion for minced meat.
In case you're interested, Cape Wagtails, are apparently found
all over Southern Africa, but African Wagtails are much more
uncommon.
You didn't for one moment expect us to be hobnobbing with any
old bird, did you?
(..don't know if I like the 'old bird' bit. Do you think
she's trying to be clever? - Ed.)
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*More About Pookie.
..
WE JOINED THE BANDARLOG...
IT was amazing how quickly and easily Pookie, the teenage
Vervet monkey, adapted to our lifestyle and settled in as one of
the family.
Or shall I be honest and state it was astonishing how rapidly,
albeit painfully, the Chants became part of the Bandarlog, or to
put it simply, members of a troupe?
For Pookie was no slouch when it came to summing up
situations - especially to his benefit. I would say that by noon on
his very first day with us, Pookie had worked out exactly who
was who in this particular zoo.
He instinctively knew the Alpha male basically wished him ill -
and wanted to send him back to the SPCA. But this didn't
matter because he wasn't around much and Pookie was willing
to grant grudging respect (the man was, after, all so damn big).
Adrian, our eldest son, was in human terms on a par with this
adolescent monkey. From the start he was Pookie's advocate,
protector and friend. The monkey was the latest in a long line of
small animals which Adrian adopted and nurtured, and this time
an instant rapport had been established within the first two
minutes.
The pair ate, slept, swam, hunted and played together for the
next three or four years and even at his most nasty Pookie
never turned on Adrian - until the very end.
There was, however, one little blot on the horizon, namely
Llewelyn. Six years younger than Adrian and tucked away in the
middle of the family, Llewelyn had been Adrian's right-hand man
since birth, and like all good squire's Adrian made sure his trusty
page had very little time on his hands. Which suited Llewelyn
just fine - but now there was Pookie.
I can't remember the circumstances exactly but I know Llewelyn
received the first bite, and the reign of terror began.
Now that Pookie, Adrian and Llewelyn shared a bedroom the
monkey lost no time asserting his supremacy with regard to
Llewelyn and, foolishly, I thought this would all sort itself out,
given time.
The two girls thought the monkey was 'sweet' - Chants are
conditioned to like animals - but wisely kept their distance and
their bedroom door shut. Naturally our daughters collected a few
nips along the way but I can't recall any major bloodletting.
That was reserved mainly for Llewelyn - and I. Still secretly
delighted to have this opportunity to rear a monkey, I groaned a
bit and told my friends it was all a slight pain.
My best friend, and the children's unofficial godmother, roared
she was never, ever, going to visit us again.
It totally escaped me that we were setting up a relationship with
a wild animal - who would always be wild when the chips were
down. I was fascinated by the delicacy of his tiny fingers, the
workings of his facile brain and saddened that this 'semi-human'
would forever remain just beyond the pale.
Monkeys, to my mind, are the real dispossessed, forever
pushed aside to make room for man, with whom they share so
many attributes.
So I was an absolute pushover and Pookie knew this. Not that
my sympathetic leanings earned me any marks for good
conduct because I remained high on his hit list. Perhaps he
resented my somewhat dictatorial attitude towards his greatest
friend.
Thanks, no doubt, to the strictures put upon him by Adrian,
Llewelyn was a particularly nice and helpful little boy. He
constantly turned the other cheek - and boy, did he have to.
When he was three we had a flock of geese that put their heads
down, hissed, flapped their wings and gave chase, whenever
Llewelyn appeared. He used to run for his life regularly - a
constant source of amusement to his family and everyone else
on the farm.
And then there were two Dalmatians, not ours, who jumped on
Llewelyn without warning, and ripped his pyjamas to shreds. No
wonder the poor child was nervous….
…And no wonder we were accustomed to seeing Llewelyn dash
past the picture windows, again and again and again, with some
form of wildlife in hot pursuit.
So what was new? Nothing apart from the fact that this this
time he was being terrorised by a long-tailed primate.
My own personal learning curve was just beginning. I was away
most of the day while Pookie prowled around, getting up to
mischief and waiting for Adrian to return from school. Llewelyn
had just started kindergarten, so he too got some respite.
On Fridays I came home early but every other week day got
back just in time for dinner. Afterwards I rushed off to bed,
usually ahead of the children, in order to read, in peace.
This particular Friday afternoon I had lashed out on my first pot
of really expensive anti-ageing cream (I was 33). Cradling it
lovingly, I sat on the bed reading all the manufacturer's lies.
Then plop, Pookie landed beside me and we sat for a while,
companionably admiring the magic jar.
I placed the pot on the bedside table and Pookie picked it up. He
seemed to be treating it far too casually - it cost a king's ransom
- and omigod he was going to throw it on the floor.
With a reflex movement I put my hand out to save ithe jar and
Pookie sank his fangs in with a vengeance, and was
immediately transformed into a gibbering, threatening fiend.
And there ended the first lesson. Do not reach for something a
monkey has touched because it belongs to him, even if he is
about to discard it. In fact, don't even look at it if you know what's
good for you.
Not used to such drastic treatment I became, like Llewelyn, quite
timid. After dinner, I would sneak quietly along a lengthy corridor
to bed, leaving the rest of the family watching television.
No matter how furtively I left, Pookie always noticed and came
after me. Oh what bliss to be in bed with a book - but now I was
in bed with a book and a monkey.
We would cast sideways glances at each other while sharing
the pillow, and all would be well as long as I was quiet and good.
Of course I couldn't relax and would soon start squeaking,
'Keith, Adrian, Keith, Adrian" - which they couldn't possibly hear,
because I was a long way off and the television was blaring.
That too was allowed.
It was only when I lost my nerve and started shouting loudly that
the fanged monster struck - at my cheek usually. I began to
fear I would be scarred for life.
So I had to remain very passive and well-behaved until either
Keith or Adrian decided to go to bed, thereby putting an end to
my misery.
Llewelyn and I began to develop nervous twitches but I am not in
the habit of embarking on something and then giving in easily.
In any event what could one possibly do?
We now knew this monkey, personally. And Adrian would have
been heartbroken had their been any attempt to return to
normality.
Copyright 2000 Sheldene Chant
*The previous article about Pookie can be found in the April
issue at http://www.topica.com/lists/pearlypigs/read
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'THE SILENT VICTIMS OF DIVORCE'
by Melvin Durai
DIVORCE can be painful, as a middle-aged Spanish man
discovered recently. After he and his wife split, the man
was devastated, because he had developed a close
relationship, quite naturally, with his wife's dog.
Luckily for him, a divorce court judge in southeast Spain
understood his despair and granted him visitation rights.
The man now gets to spend 'quality time' with his beloved
pooch on weekends, which seems a fair arrangement. Divorce
should never come in the way of a good relationship.
Jose Luis Gonzalez, the man's attorney, told the Associated
Press that the verdict is a victory for animal rights. 'It
shows that a dog is not just an object,' he said. Indeed,
objects are treated quite differently in court.
Man: 'Please, your honor, I'm very attached to it. I will
miss it dearly.'
Judge: 'Sorry, Mr. Davis, I've decided to rule in favor of
your ex-wife. You may not have visitation rights to the
big-screen TV. I don't care if football season is almost
here.'
As a man who loves his TV, I can sympathize with men
separated from their Sonys and Panasonics. It can leave a
big void in your life, an immense feeling of emptiness that
makes you regret even thinking about divorce. But dogs are
different, because dogs will love you back, especially if
you are holding something that looks like food. Such as an
old shoe.
The verdict in Spain is not necessarily a victory for animal
rights. After all, the judge heard statements from the
divorced couple, but did not attempt to get the dog's
opinion. What if the dog didn't want to spend weekends with
the man? What if it wanted to spend weekends with the cute
mutt next door?
At a minimum, the judge should have placed the dog between
the man and a fire hydrant and let it show its preference.
It's important to consider the feelings of dogs and other
pets, because they're often the innocent victims of divorce.
One day the dog is lounging on the couch with the husband,
the next day both the husband and the couch have
disappeared. The dog is soon moping about, asking itself,
'Where is the couch? I miss it so much. I bet that crazy man
stole it.'
Yes, divorce can be a traumatic experience for a pet.
That's why some couples stay together just for the pets.
(And you thought it was for the children!)
Couples who can't avoid divorce are left with a major
concern: how to stay in touch with the pets. With children,
visitation is usually possible -- and so are phone calls and
email. But most pets, unfortunately, have not received the
proper training to use telephones and computers. Even India,
President Bush's female cat, is rather slow in answering my
emails. (She keeps biting off the darn mouse.)
It shouldn't seem strange, then, that a man would request
visitation rights to his ex-wife's dog. The bond between a
human and a dog can be stronger than that between two
humans. Just ask my wife, who is so attached to a Labrador
named Indy, she can't imagine life without him. And Indy
doesn't even belong to us. (He works as a janitorial
assistant in my wife's office, ensuring that all the floors
are licked clean.)
Dogs like Indy are not just loving, they're also very
forgiving. I can't say that about many humans.
(c) Copyright 2001 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.
_______________________________
Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and
occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew
up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s.
Through the Internet, his column is read by thousands of
people in more than 75 countries.
http://www.melvindurai.com
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eNonyMouse...
... has been handing out prizes for
best bumper stickers....
1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.
2. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.
3. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH
PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.
4. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE
JUST BETTER RICH.
5. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE
KITCHEN.
6. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES
7...OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE
FIRST TIME.
8.. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE
SHUT UP.
9.. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.
10. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO
HIDE THE BODIES.
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Summertime...
BUTTERFLY GARDEN BASICS
by Deborah Shelton
CULTIVATING a special home in your yard for butterflies will
introduce your children to a world of beauty and wonder. It's
a project that you and your family will enjoy in the planting
stages, and long after. There are five basic things to remember
when planning a butterfly garden:
1. Butterflies love sunlight! Whether you choose to plant a
traditional garden or a container garden, make sure that the
plants are in direct sunlight for much of the day.
2. Butterflies like to 'puddle'. Your garden needs a sort of
watering hole for the butterflies to drink from. This can be
done by simply filling a terracotta pot or small plastic bucket
with small rocks or pebbles about two inches from the brim.
Add water to fill the remaining space. Place the puddle
in the center of your garden.
3. Butterflies like lots of color! Group clusters of the same
plant together to make them easier for butterflies to see. A
group of colorful flowers attracts them easier than single
flowers.
4. Butterflies love to eat nectar. Use several of these nectar-
producing plants to attract them: milkweed, azalea, goldenrod,
black-eyed susan, zinnia, aster, phlox, Japanese honeysuckle,
ironweed. A few nectar-producing shrubs are: butterfly bush,
various fruit trees, privet, lilac and redbud.
5. Butterflies need a place to lay their eggs. Witness the
entire lifecycle of your new garden friend! Provide host plants
where female butterflies can lay their eggs. Some host plants
include: snapdragon, violets, milkweed, daisies, parsley, dill,
Queen Anne's Lace, aster and clovers.
____________________________
Deborah Shelton is the author of The Five Minute Parent:
Fun & Fast Activities for You and Your Little Ones. Visit The
Five Minute Parent for fun rainy-day activities, family links, and
a free email newsletter filled with craft ideas, guest articles,
contests and so much more! http://www.fiveminuteparent.com
Ööº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo
Summertime....
MOMENTS IN MAY
by Arleen M. Kaptur
MAY has the rich promise of warm days and tantalizing
nights. The stars are bright and the very smell of the air
says 'New'. Winter is a thought from the past, and Summer
is a hope for the future.
How about some great party ideas for this fabulous month
of May? Here are some suggestions:
A MERRY MAY BREAKFAST
Grapefruit baskets, Scrambled Eggs with Green Peppers,
Baked Sausages, Panfried Pineapple Slices, Sweet Rolls,
Pancakes, Maple Syrup, Crushed Strawberries, and a
Beverage
Table Decor: Fresh Daffodils or brightly colored tulips
in pots
*****
A SPRING LADIES' TEA
Assorted miniature sandwiches on croissants, Tea or
Coffee, Meringue Mushrooms, Marshmallow Baskets,
and Strawberry Sherbet
(Light but very gracious!)
Table Decor: Pastel flowers in clear vases with lace-
trimmed scarves
*****
PRE- MEMORIAL DAY END OF YEAR DINNER
for School Officials/Committees/Employees
Creamed lobster and mushrooms on toast points,
stuffed cucumbers with chicken or tuna salad, Condiment
tray (olives, pickles, cocktail onions, tomato slices w/
mozzarella cheese) Strawberry Parfaits
Table Decor: Plain china plates with rich green napkins,
gold napkin rings, and Crystal Goblets, Sprigs of fresh,
fragrant Lilac Blooms in gold-edged vases, and gold/
white confetti around vase bases
*****
May is an inspiration in itself and it lends itself to very
elegant and formal affairs. It is not too hot outside (for the
comfort of your guests) and yet the gentle breezes carry
a vision of June, which bursts into all those Summertime
activities we all love.
Let's make the most of May and truly enjoy what it has
to offer.
©Arleen M. Kaptur 2002
_______________________
Arleen Kaptur is the author of numerous articles for
newspapers/magazines.
Author: SEARCHING FOR AUSTIN JAMES, as
well as e-cookbooks, and on-line workshops.
Site: http://www.rusticliving.info
Member: NAWW and Author's Den
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BEING A PACK RAT 'HURTS' IN WAYS YOU
DON'T EVEN REALIZE
warns Jan Tincher
SOME people don't realize what they are doing to themselves
and their families. Are you that person? If you are familiar with
Feng Shui, then you understand the title already. If you aren't,
this article is just a sample of what Feng Shui is about.
Feng Shui books will offer you more in depth study, but the
purpose of this article is to alert you to the fact that if you are a
pack rat, here is WHY you should do something about it, not
that you HAVE to. We should always be aware of how we are
helping or hurting ourselves, and how we can do more of the
same if we are helping ourselves, or change it if we are hurting
ourselves and/or others.
The chi or good spirit that moves through the universe is
attracted to many things. If you want good chi in a certain area
of your life, you will pay attention to the following and find out
what you are doing to yourself and your family when you
continually store things in little nooks and crannies around the
house.
When things are stored in an area too long, they create
stagnant chi. Stagnant chi doesn't attract good fortune into
your life. When you clean up that area, you will be able to
*breathe easier* and good things have a better chance of
coming into your life in *that area.* You will understand more
about areas when you read about the chart you will create below.
Create this chart on paper and see if that area of your life on
the chart is corresponding to that area of your life that needs
help. For instance, if you have a mess in the financial area
of your life, you might look at your house. In your upper left
corner of the chart is the financial area. Is that room in your
house a mess?
Imagine a twelve inch square. Now, section it off into 9
squares. That's three four inch squares in three rows.
Label the squares as such:
The top left square affects you in the areas of prosperity,
wealth, abundance and fortunate blessings. So put in that
square "Prosperity, wealth, abundance and fortunate blessings."
The top center square affects you in areas of fame and
reputation. Put "Fame and reputation" in that square.
The top right square affects you in areas of relationships,
love, marriage. Put "Relationships, love, marriage" in that square.
The center left square affects you in areas of health and family.
Put "Health and family" in that square.
The center square affects you in areas of your unity, your
centering with the earth. Put "Unity, centering with the earth"
in that square.
The center right square affects you in areas of creativity,
offspring, projects. Put "Creativity, offspring, projects" in
that square.
The bottom left square affects you in areas of knowledge,
wisdom, self-improvement. Put "Knowledge, wisdom,
self-improvement" in that square.
The bottom center square affects you in areas of career,
life path, the journey. Put "Career, life path, the journey"
in that square.
The bottom right square affects you in areas of helpful people,
compassion, travel. Put "Helpful people, compassion, travel"
in that square.
Now, look at the large square and pencil in your front door at
the bottom of the square. If your house isn't square, say it's
an L-shaped house. Then parts of your relationships and
creativity squares may be missing. It is recommended to
plant a tree at the junction that would make the house a
square or rectangle.
Go through your home, upstairs and down, and check to see
where you keep your clutter. See what happens when you
remove it, or at the very least, shake the dust off. <grin>
_____________________________
Having problems? Learn how to use your mind -- online!
Jan Tincher, Hypnotherapist and Master Neuro-Linguistic
Programmer, teaches YOU unique NLP strategies and
techniques. Subscribe to FREE E-zine *Tame Your Brain!*
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Copyright 2002 Poignant Pearls & Potbellied Pigs
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<b> POIGNANT PEARLS &
POTBELLIED PIGS<br><br>
</b>
Vol. 3 Issue 5 May, 2002<br>
:<br>
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<b>CONTENTS<br><br>
</b> - Hello there
. . .<br><br>
- Inside
Story<br><br>
- We Joined The
Bandarlog...<br><br>
- The Silent
Victims of Divorce<br><br>
- eNonyMouse -
best bumper stickers<br><br>
-
Summertime...<br>
Butterfly Garden Basics<br>
Moments in May<br><br>
- Being a Pack Rat
'Hurts' in Ways<br>
You
Don’t Even Realize<br><br>
<br>
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
<b> HELLO THERE . . .<br><br>
</b>…you with the stars in your eyes, a grasshopper brain<br>
and thoughts without boundaries…<br><br>
It's the time of year when I become jealous of everyone<br>
living in the Northern Hemisphere...because you are going into<br>
summer while I prepare for winter! Here I am sitting in
long<br>
woollen socks and my witchlike pashmina while you plan<br>
picnics and so forth.<br><br>
Alright...I'll admit it doesn't get very cold on the coast of<br>
KwaZuluNatal. It's 23 degrees Centigrade today (73.4 F) but<br>
our houses are not designed to hold in the heat. It might be<br>
quite nice outside but inside I'm miserable...<br><br>
Hence the Summer Fes in this issue. Deborah Shelton tells<br>
us how to attract butterflies in Butterfly Garden Basics, while<br>
Arlene M. Kaptur, in Moments in May, conjures up visions of<br>
smooth lawns, tinkling glasses and delicious dainties.
However<br>
don't expect anything mundane, like recipes, because this is<br>
strictly inspirational.<br><br>
Still on the Spring and Summer theme, Jan Tincher suggests<br>
you unsettle the dust which is gathering in all your
favourite<br>
hiding places...and believe me this works. A couple of
years<br>
ago I caught the Feng Shui bug and my husband and I bundled<br>
up half we owned (during our clean sweep) and gave it away.<br>
It was miraculous.<br><br>
Come to think of it, things have been stagnating lately so it
may<br>
be time to do this again. Read Being a Pack Rat Hurts in Ways<br>
You Don't Even Realise and perhaps you too will be encouraged<br>
to de-clutter your world.<br><br>
öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
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<b>INSIDE STORY<br><br>
</b> <i>(As she is
completely unresourceful I suppose<br>
it is difficult for
Griselda to appreciate inventive,<br>
intelligent people
- Ed.)<br><br>
</i>FOR the first time I'm the one holding up the works.
Everything<br>
except this article is 'ready to roll' - I quote. Honestly,
anyone<br>
who didn't know better would think, listening to this ridiculous<br>
woman, that she was in charge of some national daily complete<br>
with the world's largest printing press.<br><br>
Our high-powered editor is crouched in the next room, peering at<br>
her computer through two sets of glasses - normal for<br>
Sheldene so hardly worth mentioning. Surprisingly for someone<br>
so beady eyed, she is extremely short sighted but hates to admit<br>
this.<br><br>
I had only been here a few days when someone asked her to<br>
look at a ship out at sea -only to be informed that she couldn't<br>
because 'I don't have my eyes in...'<br><br>
That was when I discovered she wore contact lenses<br>
...sometimes. I now know life is a lot more pleasant
when<br>
she is without them because I'm spared the angry muttering<br>
about the state of her skin, the filth in the house, etc etc.<br><br>
And of course she has other visual aids including a pair of<br>
dark prescription sunglasses, which she wears at night, in the<br>
rain, or while watching TV.<br><br>
Sheldene reads a lot but seems to have a problem with close<br>
print - if she is using her contact lenses. So she bought a pair
of<br>
horrid little granny glasses at the chemist, but most of the time<br>
she just takes the contact lenses out as for some strange<br>
reason she can read quite well without them.<br><br>
However the granny glasses are still well worth the few cents<br>
she paid for them as she uses them, in tandem with the dark<br>
glasses, at the computer.<br><br>
It's all very complicated. The granny glasses are useless<br>
without the contact lenses, and the dark glasses are not<br>
suitable for reading. Although Sheldene can see the computer<br>
screen, providing she leans forward and sticks her head out, this<br>
hurts her neck and we all suffer. However my boss is not
easily<br>
defeated.<br><br>
You see she had this brilliant idea. First of all she put the
granny<br>
glasses in front of the dark glasses, and bound the frames<br>
together with Sellotape - which more or less worked in a lopsided<br>
fashion.<br><br>
Then one day Sheldene experienced another flash of brilliance.<br>
She put the small glasses on first and the larger dark glasses on<br>
top of them - with no tape - thereby solving the problem.<br><br>
Casual visitors used to find the dark glasses hard to handle - you<br>
see no-one in this household ever explains anything - and I can<br>
tell they find two pairs of spectacles worn at once equally<br>
startling. To date, however, no-one has had the nerve to<br>
comment.<br><br>
But that's not the end of this saga. I've just remembered
there<br>
are two other sets of glasses. How could I forget the ultra<br>
smart normal sunglasses....and the heavy duty horrors which<br>
she wears in the sea?<br><br>
The latter are another of Sheldene's bargain buys and she<br>
wears these to protect her contact lenses from the waves<br>
when she's swimming. A piece of string
attached<br>
to each 'arm' hangs around her neck - to prevent the awful<br>
sunglasses being swept away when the surf is rough.<br><br>
Of course she looks like hell but neither Keith nor I breathe<br>
a word because she was at one stage threatening to get<br>
swimming goggles - and then she really would resemble<br>
a frog.<br><br>
By the way the little bird, Wobbler, is still dining with the dogs,<br>
dangerously. He has been identified as an African Wagtail,<br>
usually found near rivers and lagoons, but the book didn't say<br>
anything about a passion for minced meat.<br><br>
In case you're interested, Cape Wagtails, are apparently
found<br>
all over Southern Africa, but African Wagtails are much more<br>
uncommon.<br><br>
You didn't for one moment expect us to be hobnobbing with any<br>
old bird, did you?<br><br>
<i>(..don't know if I
like the 'old bird' bit. Do you think<br>
she's trying
to be clever? - Ed.)<br><br>
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*More About Pookie.<br>
..<br>
<b>WE JOINED THE BANDARLOG...<br><br>
</b>IT was amazing how quickly and easily Pookie, the teenage<br>
Vervet monkey, adapted to our lifestyle and settled in as one of<br>
the family.<br><br>
Or shall I be honest and state it was astonishing how rapidly,<br>
albeit painfully, the Chants became part of the Bandarlog, or to<br>
put it simply, members of a troupe?<br><br>
For Pookie was no slouch when it came to summing up<br>
situations - especially to his benefit. I would say that by noon
on<br>
his very first day with us, Pookie had worked out exactly who<br>
was who in this particular zoo.<br><br>
He instinctively knew the Alpha male basically wished him ill -<br>
and wanted to send him back to the SPCA. But this didn't<br>
matter because he wasn't around much and Pookie was willing<br>
to grant grudging respect (the man was, after, all so damn
big).<br><br>
Adrian, our eldest son, was in human terms on a par with this<br>
adolescent monkey. From the start he was Pookie's advocate,<br>
protector and friend. The monkey was the latest in a long line
of<br>
small animals which Adrian adopted and nurtured, and this
time<br>
an instant rapport had been established within the first two<br>
minutes.<br><br>
The pair ate, slept, swam, hunted and played together for the<br>
next three or four years and even at his most nasty Pookie<br>
never turned on Adrian - until the very end.<br><br>
There was, however, one little blot on the horizon, namely<br>
Llewelyn. Six years younger than Adrian and tucked away in the<br>
middle of the family, Llewelyn had been Adrian's right-hand man<br>
since birth, and like all good squire's Adrian made sure his trusty<br>
page had very little time on his hands. Which suited Llewelyn<br>
just fine - but now there was Pookie.<br><br>
I can't remember the circumstances exactly but I know Llewelyn<br>
received the first bite, and the reign of terror began.<br><br>
Now that Pookie, Adrian and Llewelyn shared a bedroom the<br>
monkey lost no time asserting his supremacy with regard to<br>
Llewelyn and, foolishly, I thought this would all sort itself
out,<br>
given time.<br><br>
The two girls thought the monkey was 'sweet' - Chants are<br>
conditioned to like animals - but wisely kept their distance and<br>
their bedroom door shut. Naturally our daughters collected a few<br>
nips along the way but I can't recall any major bloodletting.<br><br>
That was reserved mainly for Llewelyn - and I. Still secretly<br>
delighted to have this opportunity to rear a monkey, I groaned
a<br>
bit and told my friends it was all a slight pain.<br><br>
My best friend, and the children's unofficial godmother, roared<br>
she was never, ever, going to visit us again.<br><br>
It totally escaped me that we were setting up a relationship with<br>
a wild animal - who would always be wild when the chips were<br>
down. I was fascinated by the delicacy of his tiny fingers, the<br>
workings of his facile brain and saddened that this 'semi-human'<br>
would forever remain just beyond the pale.<br><br>
Monkeys, to my mind, are the real dispossessed, forever<br>
pushed aside to make room for man, with whom they share so<br>
many attributes.<br><br>
So I was an absolute pushover and Pookie knew this. Not that<br>
my sympathetic leanings earned me any marks for good<br>
conduct because I remained high on his hit list. Perhaps he<br>
resented my somewhat dictatorial attitude towards his greatest<br>
friend.<br><br>
Thanks, no doubt, to the strictures put upon him by Adrian,<br>
Llewelyn was a particularly nice and helpful little boy. He<br>
constantly turned the other cheek - and boy, did he have to.<br><br>
When he was three we had a flock of geese that put their heads<br>
down, hissed, flapped their wings and gave chase, whenever<br>
Llewelyn appeared. He used to run for his life regularly - a<br>
constant source of amusement to his family and everyone else<br>
on the farm.<br><br>
And then there were two Dalmatians, not ours, who jumped on<br>
Llewelyn without warning, and ripped his pyjamas to shreds. No<br>
wonder the poor child was nervous….<br><br>
…And no wonder we were accustomed to seeing Llewelyn dash<br>
past the picture windows, again and again and again, with some<br>
form of wildlife in hot pursuit.<br><br>
So what was new? Nothing apart from the fact that this this<br>
time he was being terrorised by a long-tailed primate.<br><br>
My own personal learning curve was just beginning. I was away<br>
most of the day while Pookie prowled around, getting up to<br>
mischief and waiting for Adrian to return from school. Llewelyn<br>
had just started kindergarten, so he too got some
respite.<br><br>
On Fridays I came home early but every other week day got<br>
back just in time for dinner. Afterwards I rushed off to
bed,<br>
usually ahead of the children, in order to read, in peace.<br><br>
This particular Friday afternoon I had lashed out on my first pot<br>
of really expensive anti-ageing cream (I was 33). Cradling it<br>
lovingly, I sat on the bed reading all the manufacturer's lies.<br>
Then plop, Pookie landed beside me and we sat for a while,<br>
companionably admiring the magic jar.<br><br>
I placed the pot on the bedside table and Pookie picked it up. He<br>
seemed to be treating it far too casually - it cost a king's ransom<br>
- and omigod he was going to throw it on the floor.<br><br>
With a reflex movement I put my hand out to save ithe jar and<br>
Pookie sank his fangs in with a vengeance, and was<br>
immediately transformed into a gibbering, threatening fiend.<br><br>
And there ended the first lesson. Do not reach for something a<br>
monkey has touched because it belongs to him, even if he is<br>
about to discard it. In fact, don't even look at it if you know
what's<br>
good for you.<br><br>
Not used to such drastic treatment I became, like Llewelyn, quite<br>
timid. After dinner, I would sneak quietly along a lengthy corridor<br>
to bed, leaving the rest of the family watching television.<br><br>
No matter how furtively I left, Pookie always noticed and
came<br>
after me. Oh what bliss to be in bed with a book - but now I was<br>
in bed with a book and a monkey.<br><br>
We would cast sideways glances at each other while sharing<br>
the pillow, and all would be well as long as I was quiet and
good.<br><br>
Of course I couldn't relax and would soon start squeaking,<br>
'Keith, Adrian, Keith, Adrian" - which they couldn't possibly
hear,<br>
because I was a long way off and the television was blaring.<br><br>
That too was allowed.<br><br>
It was only when I lost my nerve and started shouting loudly that<br>
the fanged monster struck - at my cheek usually. I
began to<br>
fear I would be scarred for life.<br><br>
So I had to remain very passive and well-behaved until
either<br>
Keith or Adrian decided to go to bed, thereby putting an end to<br>
my misery.<br><br>
Llewelyn and I began to develop nervous twitches but I am not in<br>
the habit of embarking on something and then giving in easily.<br>
In any event what could one possibly do?<br><br>
We now knew this monkey, personally. And Adrian would
have<br>
been heartbroken had their been any attempt to return to<br>
normality.<br><br>
<b>Copyright 2000 Sheldene Chant<br><br>
</b><i>*The previous article about Pookie can be found in the April<br>
issue at
<a href="http://www.topica.com/lists/pearlypigs/read" eudora="autourl">http://www.topica.com/lists/pearlypigs/read</a><br><br>
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<br>
<b>'THE SILENT VICTIMS OF
DIVORCE'<br><br>
</b>
by Melvin Durai<br><br>
DIVORCE can be painful, as a middle-aged Spanish man<br>
discovered recently. After he and his wife split, the man<br>
was devastated, because he had developed a close<br>
relationship, quite naturally, with his wife's dog.<br><br>
Luckily for him, a divorce court judge in southeast Spain<br>
understood his despair and granted him visitation rights.<br>
The man now gets to spend 'quality time' with his beloved<br>
pooch on weekends, which seems a fair arrangement. Divorce<br>
should never come in the way of a good relationship.<br><br>
Jose Luis Gonzalez, the man's attorney, told the Associated<br>
Press that the verdict is a victory for animal rights. 'It<br>
shows that a dog is not just an object,' he said. Indeed,<br>
objects are treated quite differently in court.<br><br>
Man: 'Please, your honor, I'm very attached to it. I will<br>
miss it dearly.'<br><br>
Judge: 'Sorry, Mr. Davis, I've decided to rule in favor of<br>
your ex-wife. You may not have visitation rights to the<br>
big-screen TV. I don't care if football season is almost<br>
here.'<br><br>
As a man who loves his TV, I can sympathize with men<br>
separated from their Sonys and Panasonics. It can leave a<br>
big void in your life, an immense feeling of emptiness that<br>
makes you regret even thinking about divorce. But dogs are<br>
different, because dogs will love you back, especially if<br>
you are holding something that looks like food. Such as an<br>
old shoe.<br><br>
The verdict in Spain is not necessarily a victory for animal<br>
rights. After all, the judge heard statements from the<br>
divorced couple, but did not attempt to get the dog's<br>
opinion. What if the dog didn't want to spend weekends with<br>
the man? What if it wanted to spend weekends with the cute<br>
mutt next door?<br><br>
At a minimum, the judge should have placed the dog between<br>
the man and a fire hydrant and let it show its preference.<br><br>
It's important to consider the feelings of dogs and other<br>
pets, because they're often the innocent victims of divorce.<br>
One day the dog is lounging on the couch with the husband,<br>
the next day both the husband and the couch have<br>
disappeared. The dog is soon moping about, asking itself,<br>
'Where is the couch? I miss it so much. I bet that crazy man<br>
stole it.'<br><br>
Yes, divorce can be a traumatic experience for a pet.<br>
That's why some couples stay together just for the pets.<br>
(And you thought it was for the children!)<br><br>
Couples who can't avoid divorce are left with a major<br>
concern: how to stay in touch with the pets. With children,<br>
visitation is usually possible -- and so are phone calls and<br>
email. But most pets, unfortunately, have not received the<br>
proper training to use telephones and computers. Even India,<br>
President Bush's female cat, is rather slow in answering my<br>
emails. (She keeps biting off the darn mouse.)<br><br>
It shouldn't seem strange, then, that a man would request<br>
visitation rights to his ex-wife's dog. The bond between a<br>
human and a dog can be stronger than that between two<br>
humans. Just ask my wife, who is so attached to a Labrador<br>
named Indy, she can't imagine life without him. And Indy<br>
doesn't even belong to us. (He works as a janitorial<br>
assistant in my wife's office, ensuring that all the floors<br>
are licked clean.)<br><br>
Dogs like Indy are not just loving, they're also very<br>
forgiving. I can't say that about many humans.<br><br>
<b>(c) Copyright 2001 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.<br>
</b>_______________________________<br>
<i>Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer, humorist and<br>
occasional stand-up comedian. A native of India, he grew<br>
up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s.<br>
Through the Internet, his column is read by thousands of<br>
people in more than 75 countries.<br>
<a href="http://www.melvindurai.com/" eudora="autourl">http://www.melvindurai.com</a><br><br>
</i>öÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöº*°*ºöÖööÖöo<br><br>
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eNonyMouse...<br><br>
<i> ... has been handing out prizes for<br>
best bumper stickers....<br><br>
</i>1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.<br><br>
2. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.<br><br>
3. PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH<br>
PRINCES, SEEKS FROG.<br><br>
4. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE<br>
JUST BETTER RICH.<br><br>
5. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE<br>
KITCHEN.<br><br>
6. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES<br><br>
7...OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE<br>
FIRST TIME.<br><br>
8.. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT, SO PLEASE<br>
SHUT UP.<br><br>
9.. ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE.<br><br>
10. DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO<br>
HIDE THE
BODIES.<br><br>
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Summertime...<br><br>
<b>BUTTERFLY GARDEN BASICS<br><br>
</b>
by Deborah Shelton<br><br>
CULTIVATING a special home in your yard for butterflies will<br>
introduce your children to a world of beauty and wonder. It's<br>
a project that you and your family will enjoy in the planting<br>
stages, and long after. There are five basic things to remember<br>
when planning a butterfly garden:<br><br>
1. Butterflies love sunlight! Whether you choose to plant a<br>
traditional garden or a container garden, make sure that the<br>
plants are in direct sunlight for much of the day.<br><br>
2. Butterflies like to 'puddle'. Your garden needs a sort of<br>
watering hole for the butterflies to drink from. This can be<br>
done by simply filling a terracotta pot or small plastic bucket<br>
with small rocks or pebbles about two inches from the brim.<br>
Add water to fill the remaining space. Place the puddle<br>
in the center of your garden.<br><br>
3. Butterflies like lots of color! Group clusters of the same<br>
plant together to make them easier for butterflies to see. A<br>
group of colorful flowers attracts them easier than single<br>
flowers.<br><br>
4. Butterflies love to eat nectar. Use several of these nectar-<br>
producing plants to attract them: milkweed, azalea, goldenrod,<br>
black-eyed susan, zinnia, aster, phlox, Japanese honeysuckle,<br>
ironweed. A few nectar-producing shrubs are: butterfly bush,<br>
various fruit trees, privet, lilac and redbud.<br><br>
5. Butterflies need a place to lay their eggs. Witness the<br>
entire lifecycle of your new garden friend! Provide host plants<br>
where female butterflies can lay their eggs. Some host plants<br>
include: snapdragon, violets, milkweed, daisies, parsley, dill,<br>
Queen Anne's Lace, aster and clovers.<br>
____________________________<br>
<i>Deborah Shelton is the author of The Five Minute Parent:<br>
Fun & Fast Activities for You and Your Little Ones. Visit The<br>
Five Minute Parent for fun rainy-day activities, family links, and<br>
a free email newsletter filled with craft ideas, guest articles,<br>
contests and so much more!
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Summertime....<br><br>
<b>MOMENTS IN MAY<br><br>
</b>
by Arleen M. Kaptur<br><br>
MAY has the rich promise of warm days and tantalizing<br>
nights. The stars are bright and the very smell of the air<br>
says 'New'. Winter is a thought from the past, and Summer<br>
is a hope for the future.<br><br>
How about some great party ideas for this fabulous month<br>
of May? Here are some suggestions:<br><br>
A MERRY MAY BREAKFAST<br><br>
Grapefruit baskets, Scrambled Eggs with Green Peppers,<br>
Baked Sausages, Panfried Pineapple Slices, Sweet Rolls,<br>
Pancakes, Maple Syrup, Crushed Strawberries, and a<br>
Beverage<br><br>
Table Decor: Fresh Daffodils or brightly colored tulips<br>
in pots<br><br>
*****<br><br>
A SPRING LADIES' TEA<br><br>
Assorted miniature sandwiches on croissants, Tea or<br>
Coffee, Meringue Mushrooms, Marshmallow Baskets,<br>
and Strawberry Sherbet<br>
(Light but very gracious!)<br><br>
Table Decor: Pastel flowers in clear vases with lace-<br>
trimmed scarves<br><br>
*****<br>
PRE- MEMORIAL DAY END OF YEAR DINNER<br>
for School Officials/Committees/Employees<br><br>
Creamed lobster and mushrooms on toast points,<br>
stuffed cucumbers with chicken or tuna salad, Condiment<br>
tray (olives, pickles, cocktail onions, tomato slices w/<br>
mozzarella cheese) Strawberry Parfaits<br><br>
Table Decor: Plain china plates with rich green napkins,<br>
gold napkin rings, and Crystal Goblets, Sprigs of fresh,<br>
fragrant Lilac Blooms in gold-edged vases, and gold/<br>
white confetti around vase bases<br><br>
*****<br>
May is an inspiration in itself and it lends itself to very<br>
elegant and formal affairs. It is not too hot outside (for the<br>
comfort of your guests) and yet the gentle breezes carry<br>
a vision of June, which bursts into all those Summertime<br>
activities we all love.<br>
Let's make the most of May and truly enjoy what it has<br>
to offer.<br><br>
©Arleen M. Kaptur 2002<br>
_______________________<br>
<i>Arleen Kaptur is the author of numerous articles for<br>
newspapers/magazines.<br>
Author: SEARCHING FOR AUSTIN JAMES, as<br>
well as e-cookbooks, and on-line workshops.<br>
Site:
<a href="http://www.rusticliving.info/" eudora="autourl">http://www.rusticliving.info</a><br>
Member: NAWW and Author's Den<br><br>
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<br>
<b>BEING A PACK RAT 'HURTS' IN WAYS
YOU<br><br>
DON’T EVEN REALIZE<br><br>
</b>
warns Jan Tincher<br><br>
SOME people don’t realize what they are doing to themselves<br>
and their families. Are you that person? If you are familiar
with<br>
Feng Shui, then you understand the title already. If you
aren’t,<br>
this article is just a sample of what Feng Shui is about.<br><br>
Feng Shui books will offer you more in depth study, but the<br>
purpose of this article is to alert you to the fact that if you are
a<br>
pack rat, here is WHY you should do something about it, not<br>
that you HAVE to. We should always be aware of how we are<br>
helping or hurting ourselves, and how we can do more of the<br>
same if we are helping ourselves, or change it if we are hurting<br>
ourselves and/or others.<br><br>
The chi or good spirit that moves through the universe is<br>
attracted to many things. If you want good chi in a certain
area<br>
of your life, you will pay attention to the following and find out<br>
what you are doing to yourself and your family when you<br>
continually store things in little nooks and crannies around the<br>
house.<br><br>
When things are stored in an area too long, they create<br>
stagnant chi. Stagnant chi doesn’t attract good fortune into<br>
your life. When you clean up that area, you will be able to<br>
*breathe easier* and good things have a better chance of<br>
coming into your life in *that area.* You will understand
more<br>
about areas when you read about the chart you will create
below.<br><br>
Create this chart on paper and see if that area of your life on<br>
the chart is corresponding to that area of your life that needs<br>
help. For instance, if you have a mess in the financial area<br>
of your life, you might look at your house. In your upper
left<br>
corner of the chart is the financial area. Is that room in
your<br>
house a mess?<br><br>
Imagine a twelve inch square. Now, section it off into 9<br>
squares. That’s three four inch squares in three rows.<br>
Label the squares as such:<br><br>
The top left square affects you in the areas of prosperity,<br>
wealth, abundance and fortunate blessings. So put in that<br>
square “Prosperity, wealth, abundance and fortunate blessings.”<br><br>
The top center square affects you in areas of fame and<br>
reputation. Put “Fame and reputation” in that square.<br><br>
The top right square affects you in areas of relationships,<br>
love, marriage. Put “Relationships, love, marriage” in that
square.<br><br>
The center left square affects you in areas of health and family.<br>
Put “Health and family” in that square.<br><br>
The center square affects you in areas of your unity, your<br>
centering with the earth. Put “Unity, centering with the
earth”<br>
in that square.<br><br>
The center right square affects you in areas of creativity,<br>
offspring, projects. Put “Creativity, offspring, projects” in<br>
that square.<br><br>
The bottom left square affects you in areas of knowledge,<br>
wisdom, self-improvement. Put “Knowledge, wisdom,<br>
self-improvement” in that square.<br><br>
The bottom center square affects you in areas of career,<br>
life path, the journey. Put “Career, life path, the journey”<br>
in that square.<br><br>
The bottom right square affects you in areas of helpful people,<br>
compassion, travel. Put “Helpful people, compassion, travel”<br>
in that square.<br><br>
Now, look at the large square and pencil in your front door at<br>
the bottom of the square. If your house isn’t square, say
it’s<br>
an L-shaped house. Then parts of your relationships and<br>
creativity squares may be missing. It is recommended to<br>
plant a tree at the junction that would make the house a<br>
square or rectangle.<br><br>
Go through your home, upstairs and down, and check to see<br>
where you keep your clutter. See what happens when you<br>
remove it, or at the very least, shake the dust off.
<grin><br>
_____________________________<br><br>
<i>Having problems? Learn how to use your mind -- online!<br>
Jan Tincher, Hypnotherapist and Master Neuro-Linguistic<br>
Programmer, teaches YOU unique NLP strategies and<br>
techniques. Subscribe to FREE E-zine *Tame Your Brain!*<br>
Click here!
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