|
Parental Intelligence - Issue 44
|
Bob Collier
|
May 31, 2003 18:14 PDT
|
-------------------PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE------------------
1 June 2003
Issue 44
Bob Collier, Editor mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
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Welcome to Parental Intelligence!
"The world's No.1 email newsletter for thinking parents"
Regular readers of Parental Intelligence will know by now
that I do like an occasional plunge into what I call "Deep
Stuff". :)
This week's Website Of The Week is about Deep Stuff. It's
the Human Givens Institute. "Human givens" are the physical
and emotional needs nature programmes into each one of us,
together with the resources or tools nature gives us to get
those needs met. You can read a little bit about the ideas
behind the Human Givens Institute below, but you can learn
a lot more about this important new concept at the HGI
website!
In the 1980s, when the concept of 'personal development'
was new to me, one of the dozens of books that I read one
after the other as fast as I could find them (and may even
have learned something from!) was Dr. Wayne Dyer's now
classic "Your Erroneous Zones". This week's first article is
the Eighth Secret from Dr. Dyer's latest best selling book
"10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace" and it's about
being inspired (something we all need to be to be good at
what we do, of course!) - "Treat Yourself As If You Already
Are What You'd Like to Be".
Parents, in my experience at least, need to be very good at
juggling. We can all too easily find our personal resources
stretched to the limit and our decisiveness and judgment put
under immense pressure, especially during our children's
early years. We can't do everything at once or be everywhere
at once and we can't be everything to everyone - but, still,
sometimes, we can try! It's in these circumstances that
guilt can easily creep into our thinking, if we allow it to.
In this week's second article, "Guilt and Parenting", Peggy
Patten offers much needed wisdom and reassurance.
And this week in Doug Bench's Brain Stuff - What percentage
of their brain's capacity do the world's greatest achievers
use? You might be surprised when you find out!
Until next time, enjoy and employ. (Hey, I just made that
up! :D)
Have a great week!
Bob
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Website Of The Week
Human Givens Institute
http://www.humangivens.com/hgi/
The Human Givens Institute (HGI) is the professional body
representing the interests of those in the caring and
teaching professions who work in alignment with the best
scientific knowledge available about the givens of human
nature. It's based in Chalvington in the UK.
Aims of the Institute
HGI coordinates reviews of related scientific studies and
relates them to the broad information base from which the
human givens concept derives. It advances education,
monitors examination standards at MindFields College, the
principal teaching establishment for this approach, sets
standards of professional practice in this area, and
organises local, national and international meetings to
maintain and advance the human givens perspective. Above
all, it speaks for those of its members - professional
psychotherapists, counsellors, teachers, social workers
and others in the medical/caring professions - at whatever
level they operate, whose day to day work depends on this
approach, and the therapeutic and educational techniques
consequent on it.
The holistic, unifying strength in the Institute is the
shared perception among its members that the human givens
approach endeavours to include all currently known aspects
of the functioning of the human brain, in conjunction with
the body, and the wider society in which we all live.
Current mental health and educational institutions do not
yet operate from such a basis, which is why HGI is necessary.
"It took millions of years for the human mind to evolve into
the self forming creature we can now become. We have reached
a watershed where exciting recent discoveries about how the
mind/body system works enable us to understand the processes
by which the human nature of a new child can successfully
unfold to create an effective and fulfilled individual.
Science has discovered that nature endows each healthy human
conception with a wonderful array of living genetic
'templates' - an infinitely rich treasure-house of patterns
that instinctively seek completion in the environment from
the moment of birth. This genetically driven process
continues as we grow and evolve throughout life. These
patterns are expressed as physical and emotional needs and
are in a state of continuous ebb and flow. And nature is
doubly generous, she also brings us into the world with the
means to help us get those needs met.
It is precisely the way these needs are met, by the impact
life has on them, that determines the individual nature,
character and mental health of each person. Only by
cooperating with these natural processes - the human givens
- can children be educated and matured into independent,
fully integrated and fulfilled adults."
Find out more:
Human Givens Institute
http://www.humangivens.com/hgi/
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"When we begin to face the truth about babies and what they
need and are willing to provide it for them, then we will be
on the road to becoming human again. We will not have to
pretend to ourselves and to our children that we are a
caring people. It will be obvious by the results." - James
Kimmel, Ph.D.
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************************************************************
Australia will host the 3rd international Soul in Education
conference with the theme Celebrating Spirit of Learning to
be held in the Byron Bay region in September-October 2003.
"An experiential week-long international gathering for
innovative thinkers, practitioners and all those committed
to fostering soul in education, human potential and learning
for life."
For more information about this exciting event, please visit
the Spirit of Learning website at:
http://www.spiritoflearning.com/conference
************************************************************
************************************************************
THE PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE REPORT ON 'ADHD'
Read my personal views on this controversial subject.
Send a blank email to: pire-@getresponse.com
************************************************************
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Treat Yourself As If You Already Are What You'd Like to Be
by Dr. Wayne Dyer
Whatever it is that you envision for yourself - no matter
how lofty or impossible it may seem to you right now - I
encourage you to begin acting as if what you would like to
become is already your reality. This is a wonderful way to
set into motion the forces that will collaborate with you to
make your dreams come true. To activate the creative forces
that lie dormant in your life, you must go to the unseen
world, the world beyond your form. Here is where what
doesn't exist for you in your world of form will be created.
You might think of it in this way: In form, you receive
in-formation. When you move to spirit, you receive
in-spiration. It is this world of inspiration that will
guide you to access anything that you would like to have in
your life.
What It Means to Become Inspired
Some of the most significant advice I've ever read was
written more than 2,000 years ago by an ancient teacher
named Patanjali. He instructed his devotees to become
inspired. You may recall that the word inspire originates
from the words in and spirit. Patanjali suggested that
inspiration involves a mind that transcends all limitations,
thoughts that break all their bonds, and a consciousness
that expands in every direction. Here is how you can become
inspired.
Place your thoughts on what it is you'd like to have or
become - an artist, a musician, a computer programmer, a
dentist, or whatever. In your thoughts, begin to picture
yourself having the skills to do these things. No doubts.
Only a knowing. Then begin acting as if these things were
already your reality. As an artist, your vision allows you
to draw, to visit art museums, to talk with famous artists,
and to immerse yourself in the art world. In other words,
you begin to act as an artist in all aspects of your life.
In this way, you're getting out in front of yourself and
taking charge of your own destiny at the same time that
you're cultivating inspiration.
The more you see yourself as what you'd like to become, the
more inspired you are. The dormant forces that Patanjali
described come alive, and you discover that you're a greater
person than you ever dreamed yourself to be. Imagine that -
dormant forces that were dead or nonexistent, springing into
being and collaborating with you as a result of your
becoming inspired and acting as if what you want is already
here!
By having the courage to declare yourself as already being
where you want to be, you will almost force yourself to act
in a new, exciting, and spiritual fashion. You can also
apply this principle to areas other than your chosen
vocation. If you're living a life of scarcity, and all of
the nice things that many people have are not coming your
way, perhaps it's time to change your thinking and act as if
what you enjoy having is already here.
Visualize that beautiful automobile that's your dream car
and paste it on your bedroom door, as well as on the
refrigerator. While you're at it, paste it on the dashboard
of the car you're now driving! Visit a showroom, sit in your
car, and note the beautiful new-car aroma. Run your hands
over the seats, and grip the steering wheel. Walk all around
your car, appreciating the lines of it. Take your car for a
test drive, and visualize that you're entitled to drive this
car, that you're inspired by its beauty, and that it's going
to find a way into your life. In some way, somehow, this is
your car. Talk to others about your love for this car. Read
about it. Bring up a picture on your computer screen, and
leave it there to view each time you're near that computer.
All of this may seem silly to you, but when you become
inspired and act as if what you want is already here, you'll
activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to make
this your reality.
Extending Inspiration Everywhere
Treating yourself in the manner described above can become a
habitual way of life. This doesn't involve deception,
arrogance, or hurting others. This is a silent agreement
between you and God in which you discreetly work in harmony
with the forces of the universe to make your dreams become a
reality. This involves a knowing on your part that success
and inner peace are your birthright; that you are a child of
God; and as such, you're entitled to a life of joy, love,
and happiness.
In your relationships with your lovers, co-workers, and
family, act as if what you would like to materialize in
these relationships is already here. If you want a sense of
harmony in the workplace, maintain a clear vision and
expectation of this harmony. Then, you're out in front of
your day, seeing five o'clock arriving peacefully for
everyone when it's still seven-thirty in the morning. Each
time you have an encounter with someone, your five o'clock
vision pops into your head, and you act in a peaceful,
harmonious way so as not to nullify what you know is coming.
Furthermore, you act toward everyone else as if they, too,
are all that they are capable of becoming.
These kinds of expectations lead you to say, "I'm sure
you'll have everything ready this afternoon," rather than,
"You're always late with everything, and I wish you would
get on the ball." When you treat others in this way, they
also fulfill the destiny that you've reminded them is there
for them.
In your family, particularly with children, it's important
to always have this little thought in mind: Catch them doing
things right. Remind them often of their inherent
brilliance, their capacity for being responsible, their
innate talents, and their fantastic abilities. Treat them as
if they're already responsible, bright, attractive, and
honorable. "You are so terrific. I'm positive you'll feel
great about your interview." "You're so smart, I know you'll
study and do well on that exam." "You are always connected
to God, and God doesn't do sickness. You're going to feel
much better tomorrow at this time."
When you act toward your children, parents, siblings, and
even more distant relatives as if the relationship was great
and going to stay that way, and you point out their
greatness rather than their goofiness, it is their greatness
that you will see. In your relationship to your significant
other, whoever that may be, be sure to apply this principle
as frequently as you can. If things aren't going well, ask
yourself, "Am I treating this relationship as it is, or as I
would like it to be?" So how do you want it to be? Peaceful?
Harmonious? Mutually satisfying? Respectful? Loving? Of
course you do. So before your next encounter, see it in
those ways. Have expectations that focus on the qualities of
inner peace and success.
You'll find yourself pointing out what you love about that
person rather than what they're doing wrong. You'll also see
that other person responding back to you in love and harmony
rather than in an embittered way. Your ability to get out in
front of yourself and see the outcome before it transpires
will cause you to act in ways that bring about these results.
This strategy for living works for virtually everything.
Before I speak to an audience, I always see them as loving,
supportive, and having a terrific experience. Before writing,
I see myself with no writer's block, being inspired and
having spiritual guidance available to me at all times. As
'A Course in Miracles' reminds us, "If you knew who walked
beside you at all times, you could never experience fear
again." This is the essence of inspiration, as well as
seeing the future in terms of how you want it to be - and
then acting exactly in that manner.
Synchronicity and Inspiration
There are no coincidences. Anything that coincides is said
to fit together powerfully. You move into spirit and feel
inspired when you're activating the forces of the universe
to work with you. Since all is guided by Spirit, there is
less of a gap between your thoughts and seeing the result of
those thoughts materialize for you. As you place more and
more of your energy on what you intend to manifest, you
start seeing those intentions materializing.
You'll think about a particular person, and that individual
will "mysteriously" appear. You'll need a book for your
studies that you can't find, and it will show up in a
"mysterious" delivery. You'll have in mind that you want
information on a vacation spot, and it will arrive in the
mail "mysteriously." All of these so-called mysteries will
soon be viewed by you as part of the synchronicity of the
universe working with you and your highly energized
thoughts.
You must hold on to the idea that you can negotiate the
presence of these things by keeping your energy field always
focused with love on what you passionately intend to create.
The law of attraction is put into play, and your thoughts
literally become attractor energies. At first, it will seem
startling and almost unbelievable. As you stay in spirit and
act as if what you desire is already here, you'll find it
less and less puzzling. Connected to God as you always are,
you are the divine force that puts this synchronicity into
your everyday life. You will realize very soon that what you
think about is what expands; therefore, you'll become more
mindful and careful of what you think about. This process of
treating yourself "as if" begins with your thoughts, impacts
your emotional state, and finally stirs you into action.
From thoughts to feelings to actions, they will all react
affirmatively when you stay inspired and get out in front of
yourself in ways that are consistent with what you want to
become. Declare yourself to be a genius, to be an expert, to
be in an atmosphere of abundance, and keep that vision so
passionately that you can do nothing but act upon it. As you
do, you will send out the attractor energy that will work
with you to materialize your actions based upon those stated
declarations.
Treat everyone you encounter with the same intention.
Celebrate in others their finest qualities. Treat them all
in this "as if" manner, and I guarantee you that they will
respond accordingly to your highest expectations. It's all
up to you. Whether you think this is possible or impossible,
either way you'll be right. And you'll see the rightness of
your thoughts manifesting everywhere you go.
Copyright (c) Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
Excerpted from The New York Times Bestseller "10 Secrets
for Success and Inner Peace" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, affectionately called the "father of
motivation" by his fans, is one of the most widely known
and respected people in the field of self-empowerment. He
became a well known author with his bestselling book, "Your
Erroneous Zones", and has gone on to write many other self-
help classics, including; "Staying on the Path", "Your
Sacred Self", "Everyday Wisdom", and "You'll See It When You
Believe It".
Find out more about his book "10 Secrets for Success and
Inner Peace", and read a second excerpt, here:
http://www.hayhouse.com/lifestyles/tranquil/8755_2.htm
------------------------------------------------------------
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------------------------------------------------------------
The following article is from the US Department of
Education's Educational Resources Information Center
Clearinghouse on Elementary and Early Childhood Education
(ERIC/EECE), and was originally published in the National
Parent Information Network's "Parent News".
Guilt and Parenting
by Peggy Patten
A recent search of the archives of PARENTING-L - ERIC/EECE's
electronic discussion group for parents - using the term
"guilt" brought forth 228 documents. A closer look revealed
conversations about the following topics: parents' guilt
about working outside the home, parents' guilt about not
working outside the home, parents' guilt about having a baby
circumcised, parents' guilt about bottle versus breast
feeding, parents' guilt about a toddler running into a busy
street, and parents' guilt about accidentally killing a
child's pet hamster.
Why are we parents so consumed by guilt? In her article for
Parents Magazine titled "What Makes You Feel Guilty?," Nancy
Samalin says that guilt comes with the territory of
parenting. She advises parents to distinguish between guilt
that immobilizes parents and guilt that motivates parents to
change their ways. Samalin urges parents to turn the
immobilizing kind of guilt, "guilt trips," into positive
parenting pep talks, "guilt busters"(Samalin, 1999, pp. 99-
102).
A common guilt trip for parents occurs when they catch
themselves making mistakes they swore they would never make
(such as allowing children to watch too much television,
play with toy guns, or talk back). Samalin advises parents
to recognize that it is much easier to be a parent in theory
than in reality. She also reminds parents that behaviors we
learned from our most powerful role models - our parents -
are extremely difficult to change. Samalin's "guilt buster"
in this situation is for parents to go easy on themselves
and recognize that it takes real effort and self-
determination to create new scripts with children.
Diane Ehrensaft, author of Spoiling Childhood: How Well-
Meaning Parents Are Giving Children Too Much - But Not What
They Need, talks about guilt as "an anguished state of mind
arising out of an internal conflict" (Ehrensaft, 1997, pp.
74-102). The internal conflict is best exemplified for
Ehrensaft by professional, middle-class parents (who make
up the majority of clients Ehrensaft sees in her clinical
practice) who are troubled about the precarious balancing
act between their own needs and their children's needs. For
many parents in Ehrensaft's practice, guilt causes the swing
between parenting too much and parenting too little. The
overscheduling, overstimulating, and overpromoting of our
children is both an expression of and an attempt to
alleviate the guilt that dominates parenting, according to
Ehrensaft. This same parental conflict, Ehrsensaft observes,
leads to hesitancy among parents to discipline children.
Guilt and the accompanying bartering for love - worrying
about our children liking us - can prevent parents from
establishing firm structures for behavior that all children
need.
As the title of her book implies, Ehrensaft believes parents
are well meaning but often confused. No clear parenting
directives exist today, so parents flip flop from one
approach to another - permissive to authoritative,
democratic to autocratic, indulgent to withholding. This
confusion, along with too little time to parent and few
external supports, is responsible for what Ehrensaft calls
the "perils of parenting."
In their book, Liberated Parents, Liberated Children: Your
Guide to a Happier Family, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
discuss their experiences attending a series of parent
workshops given by Dr. Ginott, a child psychologist.
According to Faber and Mazlish (1990), Ginott believes that
the child who stirs up a parent's guilt eventually feels
guilty about what he's done to his parent. What should a
parent do with guilty feelings? Ginott advises parents to
talk to a friend, a spouse, a minister, rabbi or priest, a
therapist-anyone who will lend an ear without sitting in
judgment. He also encourages parents to tell themselves, "I
can work out my guilt without my children's help. I don't
need absolution from them" (Faber & Mazlish, 1990, pp. 165-
167).
"As parents," Ginott says, "we have to make certain
decisions that represent our best judgment at the time. And
the decision-making process does not necessarily have to be
shared with our children; nor do we permit their evaluation.
When a parent is clear about his rights, when he knows that
guilt is an inappropriate response, then he helps his child
gather strength and learn reality" (Faber & Mazlish, 1990,
pp. 168-169).
Ginott's advice reminded one of the authors of a parenting
incident in her life when she had helped her child gather
strength by not sharing her guilt. The incident involved her
kindergarten-aged son, David, who had asked for a drive to
school because it was snowing outside. Because there were
two younger siblings at home, David was told he could manage
to walk the five blocks to school on his own. As the author
explains, shortly after David left for school, the wind
picked up and the snow worsened. When David returned from
school that afternoon, he explained that he had been late to
school because the strong winds made it difficult for him to
walk quickly. The author admitted feelings of great guilt
over the incident but instead of sharing these feelings with
David, she responded, "Wow! What a walk you've had! All
those long blocks in that bitter wind. That took endurance!
That's the kind of thing you'd expect from Abe Lincoln, not
a six-year-old boy!" Thus, instead of feeling weak and sorry
for himself, David seemed proud of his accomplishment (Faber
& Mazlish, 1990, p. 169).
Ehrensaft (1997, p. 244) echoes Ginott's message to parents
about accepting our position as adults. "We must stop
abdicating the throne and accept our position as an adult,"
Ehrensaft says. "Children do not do well with deposed kings
and queens for parents. To be good parents, we definitely
must give generously of ourselves, but never give ourselves
over to our children."
Sources
Ehrensaft, Diane. (1997). Spoiling Childhood: How Well-
Meaning Parents Are Giving Children Too Much - But Not What
They Need. New York: Guilford. (ERIC Document No. ED413111)
Faber, Adele, & Mazlish, Elaine. (1990). Liberated Parents,
Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family. New
York: Avon Books. (ERIC Document No. ED405093)
Samalin, Nancy. (1999, November). What Makes You Feel
Guilty? Parents, 99-103.
Articles from the NPIN Parent News may be reprinted without
prior written permission.
Please credit the NPIN Parent News and send a copy of the
reprint to ERIC/EECE, University of Illinois at Urbana-
Champaign, Children's Research Center, 51 Gerty Drive,
Champaign, IL 61820-7469, or by email to: eric-@uiuc.edu
For more articles from the NPIN Parent News, please visit
the ERIC/EECE website:
http://ericeece.org/
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"Aim for success not perfection... Remember that fear always
lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and
allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically,
make you a far happier and more productive person." - Dr.
David Burns
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DOUG BENCH'S BRAIN STUFF
This week, an excerpt from Lesson #1 of Doug Bench's "7
Mini-Science Lessons for Maxi-Success".
"Have you ever heard the expression, "Nobody has ever used
more than 10% of their brain's capacity"? That's one of
those motivational clichés that we hate so much. You've
heard it. Well, that saying is just a little off.
When DSPs [Dendrite Spiny Protrusions] were discovered, two
Swedish scientists set about the task of estimating the
number of connections that one person could make in their
brain, the number of DSP connections, which means for every
new thought or thing that you can learn, there is a new such
connection made.
Do you want to know that number? I hope so. Because it
will change the way you think about your capacity for
success - how much you can learn and achieve.
Here is how they arrived at that number, and don't worry,
I'm going to give you that number.
First, it has now been determined that each human brain has
about 100 billion brain cells. Everybody has nearly that
same number.
Each of those 100 billion brain cells (there are about 1
million brain cells in a piece of the brain the size of a
grain of rice) has anywhere from 10,000 to 100,000 dendrite
branches off of each nerve cell or neuron. Now, each of
those dendrites has anywhere from 100,000 to 1 million
dendrite spines.
And now scientists know that these DSPs - Dendrite Spiny
Protrusions - that form connections when we learn, as we
learn, can create anywhere from 1 million to 100 million new
connections from EACH Dendrite spine.
So how does this all add up for you? Well, these Swedish
scientists estimate that EVERY human brain has the capacity
over your lifetime to form a number of new learning
connections, this is, well, there is no name for the number
yet.
But here it is.
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000-->
Can you see the little arrow at the end of the number? The
number that represents your capacity to learn new things
won't fit on this page. In fact, that number is a 1
followed by 6.2 million MILES OF ZEROs!. That is a huge
number.
Ladies and Gentlemen, you're going to have to change the way
you think about what you can achieve. You will no longer
ever be able to say, "Oh I can't help it, that's just the
way I am, I'm not smart enough", or any other negative idea
about your abilities.
Your capacity to achieve and succeed literally has no
limits. And what percentage of the brain's capacity do
even the greatest achievers in the world use? Less than
1/1,000,000 of 1%."
Learn the SCIENCE of PERMANENT Self-Motivation. So you
don't have to go back again and again and again, and spend
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Subscribe to the 7 Mini-Science Lessons for Maxi-Success
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News at his Science for Success website:
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
AUDIO has been added to Science for Success website!
Doug Bench has added Audio examples of nearly all of his
Systems and Tools to his website.
Go check it out now! Everywhere that you see the
Green 'Play' Button, you can hear a helpful sample of that
Tool.
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
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PROJECTS OF INTEREST
The Parenting Project
http://www.parentingproject.org/
The Natural Child Project
http://www.naturalchild.org/
Project HappyChild
http://www.happychild.org.uk/
Project Renaissance
http://www.winwenger.com/
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I hope you've enjoyed this issue of Parental Intelligence!
Issue 45 will be published on 8 June 2003
PLEASE MENTION PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS
WHO HAVE CHILDREN - THEY'LL THANK YOU FOR IT!
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Copyright (c) 2003, Bob Collier except where indicated
otherwise.
Published by:
Bob Collier
3 Goldie Place
Kambah
CANBERRA
ACT 2902
Australia
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Have a happy and successful day!
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"Who is this bloke?" Find out more about the publisher of
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