|
Parental Intelligence - Issue 47
|
Bob Collier
|
Jun 22, 2003 03:37 PDT
|
-------------------PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE------------------
22 June 2003
Issue 47
Bob Collier, Editor mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. You are
receiving it because you requested a subscription, or it
has been forwarded to you by a friend.
If you're not a subscriber and you'd like to subscribe,
please either visit
http://www.topica.com/lists/pintel
or send a blank email to:
pintel-s-@topica.com
If you want to unsubscribe for any reason, please see the
unsubscribe instructions at the end of this newsletter.
Welcome to Parental Intelligence!
"The world's No.1 email newsletter for thinking parents"
I lead off this week with something of a rarity - an article
I've written myself. "New School Rules" is an article I
wrote a few months ago that attempts to explain what I
perceive to be radical changes occurring behind the scenes
in the world of education. Changes that parents need to
know about.
That's followed by an article from the world of "home"
education - the world in which I now spend much of my time.
In her article "I am NOT a radical homeschooler", Cathy
Henderson tells her own story of how she became a
"homeschooler" and why - like me - her views on children's
education changed dramatically when she did.
I've decided to make my Website Of The Week an occasional
feature from now on, so this week I have a third article for
you. It looks at parenting styles - in this case, the
"Dismissive Parent" and how that particular style of
parenting deals with children's emotions.
And - of course - there's Doug Bench's Brain Stuff! :D
Have a great week until next time!
Bob
------------------------------------------------------------
Maternal Care Affects Adult Levels of Stress
A study of rats provides important insight into the nature
vs. nurture debate. The study found that although all the
pups were well cared for and got ample milk from their
mothers, those who received more licking were less fearful
and, as adults, had more receptacles to absorb stress
hormones in their brains. Researchers say the mechanism for
humans may differ but the principle is likely the same: how
much mothers soothe their babies and reduce stress hormones
in the brain can produce permanent changes in the genetic
code, laying the physiological foundation for stress
responses throughout life.
Read the complete article here:
http://www.cnn.com/2003/HEALTH/parenting/06/09/stressed.babies.ap/
From Connect for Kids Weekly - June 16, 2003
http://www.connectforkids.org
============================================================
DOUG BENCH'S JUNE SPECIAL - CHANGE YOUR BRAIN IN 100 DAYS
The 9 Science for Success Techniques. Doug Bench goes into
the details of the nine techniques and HOW TO SET UP YOUR
100 DAY TIME-SCHEDULE FOR PERMANENT SELF-MOTIVATION SUCCESS.
Do you want to learn science-based permanent self-motivation
skills? This information can get you to your goals!
Don't Miss it!
This Month Only!
2 CD Set - Was US$27.00 Get it Now for US$19.00
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
============================================================
************************************************************
Australia will host the 3rd international Soul in Education
conference with the theme Celebrating Spirit of Learning to
be held in the Byron Bay region in September-October 2003.
"An experiential week-long international gathering for
innovative thinkers, practitioners and all those committed
to fostering soul in education, human potential and learning
for life."
For more information about this exciting event, please visit
the Spirit of Learning website at:
http://www.spiritoflearning.com/conference
************************************************************
************************************************************
THE PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE REPORT ON 'ADHD'
Read my personal views on this controversial subject.
Send a blank email to: pire-@getresponse.com
************************************************************
------------------------------------------------------------
New School Rules
by Bob Collier
When I was a boy, growing up in the 1950s and 60s, nobody,
in my experience, thought twice about the idea that every
child should go to school.
Indeed, it was believed to be a definite advantage for a
child to do so. Much better than not getting an education!
Even when my daughter started school in 1990, it was still
generally regarded as a 'natural' step for a child to take.
But, not any more.
A growing body of evidence suggests that our beliefs about
'going to school' are starting to change in a Very Big Way,
as superior educational options become more and more viable.
At the end of last year, my wife and I took our 7-year old
son out of school, at his request, and since then I've been
personally supervising his education at home. The experience
has been a revelation.
Homeschooling - or home education as I prefer to call it -
is growing fast worldwide. In the USA, in particular, it's
booming.
Take a look at these figures. According to America's
National Home Education Research Institute, in 1991 there
were an estimated 250,000 homeschooled children in the USA;
by 1997 there were more than 1.1 million, and the numbers
are currently rising at a rate of about 15% a year.
Official records show that the State of Maine went from
having just THREE homeschooled children in 1982 (I wonder
what their names were!) to 3,340 by 1996. Between 1986 and
1998, the number of homeschooled children in Arkansas grew
from 572 to 8,200. In Texas, more than 2% of the school-age
population is now homeschooled.
In many other countries - especially in Canada, the UK,
Australia and New Zealand - the number of children being
educated outside the school system is also relentlessly
increasing.
It's the internet, of course, that's made the difference.
Says Janelle Hardy of the Australian Home Education
Association, "The internet is a boon for those seeking
information, discussion and support, and by searching the
internet one can gather a dossier of every curriculum
available on the planet".
Not only is the internet the biggest single source of
information and knowledge EVER, it's also the world's
greatest ever information and knowledge delivery system.
You can download educational worksheets and even software
from the internet that will help you 'get the job done' in
more efficient ways than you could with traditional teaching
methods - and a lot of it's free.
For example, I was recently struggling to communicate to my
son a particular mathematical concept, using a pen and paper
- page after page of examples over several days. Then I
found a simple freeware program which enabled me to
demonstrate the idea to him on a computer screen. Being an
avid videogames player, my son found that much more
enjoyable and he understood the concept within minutes.
You don't have to be Albert Einstein to recognise the
implications of combining the efficiency and effectiveness
of modern learning technology with the trend toward parents
taking more and more control over their children's
education.
For me, it's beyond dispute that our children can now not
only learn more and learn faster in the comfort of their own
home than they can in a school classroom, they can also make
better informed choices about what they learn and how they
learn it.
But, I wouldn't hold your breath waiting for your local
Department of Education to let you know the good news.
They're probably too busy right now devising a strategy to
protect teaching jobs in the face of the coming revolution.
Copyright © 2003, Bob Collier
To find out more about homeschooling in Australia, please
visit the Home Education Association website at:
http://www.hea.asn.au
------------------------------------------------------------
A Protest
by Cathy Henderson
I am NOT a radical homeschooler.
And I feel I simply must lodge a protest against the
description.
I did not start homeschooling because I was a radical. I
started homeschooling my daughter in the fifth grade because
the Theater of the Absurd had taken up permanent residence
at her school. Although she had a star role, I had seen the
performance until it had become quite tiresome. Further, I
was NOT pleased with the limited role grudgingly granted to
me as a semi-interactive spectator.
At that point, I became a homeschooler. Nothing radical to
it. I quickly proceeded, with the very best of intentions,
to attempt to prove that I could do a better job. Using all
the traditional formulas for success, including highly
recommended curricula based on her "grade level", I marched
steadily and determinedly down the road of Accepted
Educational Dogma.
Did I do a better job than the school? Oh certainly. You
can't fall out of a well.
But doing a better job than the school was just not my goal
in life. That was a given, not a goal. Poor daughter had
enough table time to graduate from college. Learning was a
chore instead of a joy. So one day I threw her curriculum
out the window, along with every ridiculous educational
precept that had been hammered into my all-too-willing-to-
be-indoctrinated-product-of-the-public-school brain. At
that point I became a homeschooling radical. Note the order
there please, homeschool first, then the radical.
We took the "school" right out of homeschool, and became
"home". And that was enough. Because life and learning can
not -- CAN NOT -- be separated. I pulled the "I'm in the
Eighth Grade" sticker off her shirt and the "ADHD" label
from her forehead. I made her a shirt that said "On Some
Planets What I Do Is Considered Normal". We weren't so much
"thumbing our nose at society" -- just insisting that
society is made up of individuals, not the other way around.
We were home.
Alas and woe is me, it did not stop there. Because once I
questioned "educational authority", once I questioned the
"education expert", it just wouldn't stop. Because the
educational "expert" is a direct product of government
control, and once you start down that road you can't turn
back.
Even if you want to, you can't turn back. You start to
think, really "think" again, throwing out years of
indoctrination and willing acceptance of the Party Line.
And oh, how thinking hurts. Especially when you're not used
to it.
Somewhere along that road, you start to feel free free free.
You get out your superman outfit and start fighting
government control and definitions of normal, and pulling
crazy stunts like insisting on a parent's right to raise
their child and all kinds of heresies.
Becoming a homeschooler taught me to think. Turned my
comfortable, secure, gullible, unthinking little world
upside down. Made me -- ME, for pete's sake -- a radical.
I wonder if there's someone I can sue.
Heh heh heh.
Copyright © Cathy Henderson
http://www.educationalfreedom.com/pages/cathy_henderson/radhmsch.html
Cathy D. Henderson is the editor of EF-News,
http://www.educationalfreedom.com/pages/main.html
a weekly news digest summary of educational news and
commentary which can be received by e-mail, and editor of
Educational Freedom Press
http://www.educationalfreedom.com/efp.
The issue closest to her heart is the restoration and
encouragement of individual freedom, starting with the
separation of school and state in order to free our children
to learn and think outside the indoctrination of government.
============================================================
"Through a series of experiments, C. Shawn Green and Daphne
Bavelier of the University of Rochester determined that
habitual video-game players were better able than non-
players to focus on visually complex situations, keep track
of multiple items at once and to process fast-changing
information." - The Scientific American, 29 May 2003
============================================================
************************************************************
SPECIAL MENTION
In last week's issue of Parental Intelligence, I featured
an article called "Sales Pitch Society: How Advertisers Get
Us To Do Their Dirty Work" by Kate Kaye.
Kate Kaye is the author of The Lowbrow Lowdown, a syndicated
commentary column focusing on advertising and marketing
related topics. I like what she writes and I'm now a
subscriber to her newsletter. I recommend it to anyone who's
interested in getting "behind the scenes" info from people
who know!
The humorous and thought-provoking Lowbrow Lowdown can be
found online at
http://www.lowbrowlowdown.com.
Check it out!
************************************************************
------------------------------------------------------------
This newsletter has been created using ideas and techniques
I learned from The Home Publishing Revolution, the world's
first complete course on how to start your own successful
home publishing business, written and published by Phil
Gosling - "Britain's most successful author no-one's ever
heard of".
If you're interested in a genuine home business opportunity,
find out more about the fabulous HOME PUBLISHING REVOLUTION
- the Greatest Home Business in the World!
You can download Part One of this 12-part course and a
review of Part Two absolutely free to read at your leisure!
Learn more:
http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=74710
LIVING FREE
Living Free is Phil Gosling's state-of-the-art 12-part
course on how to become completely financially independent.
It's a totally revised and updated Millennium Edition of
one of the best-selling educational courses of the early
1990s, the million-pound best seller Live The Dream that I
studied myself in 1996-97 and continue to learn from.
You can read Part One AND Part Two of this course for free.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
Learn more:
http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=74710
------------------------------------------------------------
SYSTEM X
e-learning has enjoyed over the last 18 months a meteoric
rise as the number one Internet growth area. Combining best
of breed traditional marketing techniques with ever evolving
Internet marketing science, SystemX is a "petrol drenched"
business opportunity which has just been lit.
SystemX is based on the explosive combination of network and
Internet marketing, and delivers a vast set of quality
accredited e-learning courses, the high demand for which is
associated with their appeal as an investment by people
wanting to improve their career prospects and earning power,
as well as to companies as an investment in efficiency.
The best way to understand SystemX is to experience it by
signing up for a free, 15 day, no obligation trial (15 days
affiliate membership, 5 days training).
For further exciting details, please go to:
http://www.systemx.biz/index.lasso?num=1031138266
------------------------------------------------------------
The Disapproving Parent
by John Gottman
"You shouldn't feel that way"
Keesha’s upset, and her mom doesn’t know why.
At first, Keesha’s mom hopes that her daughter’s mood will
pass quickly so she can finish putting a few more things
away. But Keesha’s quivering lips, body language, and tone
of voice tell a different story. She’s angry and about to
cry, and her mom knows it.
"Don’t be a brat Keesha." Keesha starts to cry.
"Stop it right now. I said stop it!" More crying.
"That’s it Keesha. If I hear any more crying, you’ll be in
trouble!"
More crying, of course. Not only is Keesha angry about
something, she’s now in trouble for feeling this way. She’s
about to be punished for the way she feels - even though she
didn't misbehave.
Keesha’s mom disapproves of her daughter’s negative emotions
like anger, fear, or sadness. For disapproving parents,
these emotions are unacceptable. Instead of trying to
understand their children’s emotions, they discipline or
punish them.
What's wrong with this picture?
Plenty. These parents are trying to control their
children’s emotions, telling them that they shouldn’t feel
the way they do. What they are missing, in part, is the
realization that emotions are a natural part of our daily
experiences. Emotions help us react to situations, they help
shape our choices, and they enrich our relationships with
others. And they are universal - every person in every culture
throughout the world experiences a range of emotions daily.
Children have powerful emotional lives from a very early
age. In short, emotions are not simply a mode of thinking
that can be switched on or off at will.
Parents and caregivers, like all of us, have different
attitudes about their emotions - especially their negative
emotions like anger, fear, sadness, disgust, or contempt.
Some adults value their feelings and appreciate what all of
their emotions add to their lives, while others view
emotions as unnecessary, uncontrollable, manipulative, or
simply undesirable. Some adults may believe that expressing
emotions is a sign of weakness. These attitudes about
emotions in general will influence how they treat their
child's emotions. Nowhere is this more obvious than in the
Disapproving Parenting Style. Disapproving parents tend to
disregard or suppress their own emotions, and because of
this they treat their children's feelings negatively.
Oversights of the Disapproving Parenting style
Disapproving Parents basically view emotions as a matter of
choice. In this view, if children feel a certain way, it's
because they want to feel that way. And if emotions are seen
as negative, the obvious solution is to make children stop
wanting to feel that way.
This view of emotions is wrong. Emotions are not simply a
matter of either pure impulse or decision. Our brains are
"wired" to experience emotions. Some of our emotional
thinking even goes on unconsciously, influencing how we feel
about people or leading us to make certain choices. Emotions
can’t be just turned off. In fact, trying to turn them off,
or trying to make children turn them off, can have harmful
consequences. One big consequence is that children will
learn not to come to you when they are feeling negative
emotions. Instead, children will have these feelings alone,
and feel wrong or unacceptable for feeling the way they do.
What are the negative effects?
The Disapproving Parenting Style doesn't just dismiss
emotions, or leave them alone without guidance. It actively
attempts to suppress them. Those who practice this style are
openly critical of their children's feelings. When asked to
describe children's emotional experiences, they seem to lack
some basic connection or empathy. It's not that they're bad
parents, and it's not that they lack love and support and
concern for their children. Rather, these adults subscribe
to a basic set of beliefs that are the wrong way to look at
emotions.
Wrong ideas about emotions
Disapproving parents tend to believe that:
negative emotions need to be controlled
negative emotions reveal bad character
children use negative emotions to manipulate their parents
emotions make people weak, and a loving parent must
therefore help children be tough to help them survive
negative emotions represent a waste of time and are
unproductive
negative emotions should be carefully controlled rather
than freely displayed
children's feelings are fundamentally a form of behavior,
and therefore should require obedience and be subject to
parental authority.
In effect, disapproving parents decide to give out comfort,
criticism, or punishment depending on whether they approve
or disapprove of the emotion their children express. In
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child (Gottman &
DeClaire, 1997), one father said, "He's being sad just
because he wants to be a little brat, so I ignore him or
tell him to shape up." Another father, who described himself
as a "cold-hearted realist" stated that he objected to his
child's sadness as "useless time" involving "doing nothing
constructive whatsoever."
The costs of Disapproving Parenting
Disapproving parents fail to understand how their own
emotions work and tend to transfer that failure to their
children. And research shows that children raised by
disapproving parents are more likely to:
have a hard time trusting their own judgment
grow up feeling something is wrong with them inside
grow up feeling more alone
suffer from a lack of self-esteem
have trouble regulating their own emotions and solving their
own problems
have more difficulty than other children concentrating,
learning, and getting along with their peers.
A parenting style that produces these kinds of negative
results is obviously overlooking something important. What’s
missing is empathy - feeling the emotions of children, and
sharing them together. Children’s emotions shouldn’t be
ignored or criticized - they should be valued, encouraged,
and guided. When parents and caregivers take the time to
show empathy, their children thrive.
"Emotion Coaching", a parenting style identified by Dr. John
Gottman, offers a different approach - one that encourages
healthy emotional development, closer relationships with
children, and more positive outcomes for the child.
References:
Gottman, J., DeClaire J. (1997). Raising an emotionally
intelligent child: The heart of parenting. New York:
Fireside.
Gottman, J., Katz, L., & Hooven, C. (1997). Meta-emotion:
How families communicate emotionally. Mahwah, N.J.: Lawrence
Erlbaum.
Copyright (c) John Gottman, Talaris Research Institute
From "Four Parenting Styles" by John Gottman.
See also:
The Dismissing Parent
The Laissez-Faire Parent
The Emotion-Coaching Parent
Talaris Research Institute:
P.O. Box 45040, Seattle, WA 98145
206-529-6898, ext. 303 | fax 206-529-6899
c-@talaris.org
http://www.talaris.org/
Talaris Research Institute grants permission to view,
download, print, and otherwise reproduce this publication
for educational and nonprofit purposes.
------------------------------------------------------------
"Emotional intelligence relies on self-awareness and then
other-awareness and finding the common ground, with
optimism. Global emotional intelligence relies on
own-culture-awareness, then other-culture-awareness, and
then finding the common ground with optimism." - Susan Dunn
The EQ Coach
http://www.susandunn.cc
------------------------------------------------------------
DOUG BENCH'S BRAIN STUFF
Intelligence is NOT inborn - Verification Research done at
Washington University in St Louis, Missouri.
One of the major tenets of our Science for Success Systems
is that your ability to achieve was not inborn with your
DNA, but rather your capacity can be greatly improved by
you, through knowledge of the unlimited neuroscientific
capacity of the human brain, YOUR human brain, and by using
science-based permanent self-motivation techniques.
The research team at Washington University recently
verified this belief. What they found was that subjects who
tested very high on intelligence tests did so not because
of any inborn additional neurons, or other fancy equipment.
The highly intelligent were found to have developed a skill
or ability within their brain neuron patterns of being able
to focus on one task more effectively than those who scored
lower on the intelligence tests.
Subjects were given memory and other intelligence tasks to
solve and complete, with such tests or tasks being highly
distraction filled. Those who had scored high on the
intelligence tests also scored very well on the distraction-
filled problem-solving tasks.
CONCLUSION: It is not what you were born with that's
important, it is the skills that you develop that make you
an achiever. And this skill (FOCUSING ON ONE TASK) can be
taught, learned, AND PRACTICED! We have added several
focusing practice tools to our Systems to help you develop
this PERMANENTLY!
Learn the SCIENCE of PERMANENT Self-Motivation. So you
don't have to go back again and again and again, and spend
more and more and more money for a short term fix!
Scientific facts do not lie and do not fail, and neither
will you! Guaranteed!
*** 7 Mini-Science Lessons for Maxi-Success ***
This Course is FREE, and a great starting point for you to
run toward the Science of Permanent Self-Motivation.
Subscribe to the 7 Mini-Science Lessons for Maxi-Success
course and to Doug Bench's free Neuroscience Self-Motivation
News at his Science for Success website:
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
AUDIO has been added to Science for Success website!
Doug Bench has added Audio examples of nearly all of his
Systems and Tools to his website.
Go check it out now! Everywhere that you see the
Green 'Play' Button, you can hear a helpful sample of that
Tool.
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
------------------------------------------------------------
PROJECTS OF INTEREST
The Parenting Project
http://www.parentingproject.org/
The Natural Child Project
http://www.naturalchild.org/
Project HappyChild
http://www.happychild.org.uk/
Project Renaissance
http://www.winwenger.com/
------------------------------------------------------------
I hope you've enjoyed this issue of Parental Intelligence!
Issue 48 will be published on 29 June 2003
PLEASE MENTION PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS
WHO HAVE CHILDREN - THEY'LL THANK YOU FOR IT!
Do you have any comments or suggestions? Would you
like to contribute an article?
mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
Please include the words "Parental Intelligence" in the
subject line.
This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. You are
receiving it because you requested a subscription, or it
has been forwarded to you by a friend.
If you're not a subscriber and you'd like to subscribe,
please either visit
http://www.topica.com/lists/pintel
or send a blank email to:
pintel-s-@topica.com
If you want to unsubscribe for any reason, please see the
unsubscribe instructions at the end of this newsletter.
Copyright (c) 2003, Bob Collier except where indicated
otherwise.
Published by:
Bob Collier
3 Goldie Place
Kambah
CANBERRA
ACT 2902
Australia
mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
Have a happy and successful day!
------------------------------------------------------------
"Who is this bloke?" Find out more about the publisher of
Parental Intelligence by sending a blank email to:
bobco-@getresponse.com
------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
 |
|
