|
Parental Intelligence - Issue 49
|
Bob Collier
|
Jul 07, 2003 00:42 PDT
|
-------------------PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE------------------
6 July 2003
Issue 49
Bob Collier, Editor mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. You are
receiving it because you requested a subscription, or it
has been forwarded to you by a friend.
If you're not a subscriber and you'd like to subscribe,
please either visit
http://www.topica.com/lists/pintel
or send a blank email to:
pintel-s-@topica.com
If you want to unsubscribe for any reason, please see the
unsubscribe instructions at the end of this newsletter.
Welcome to Parental Intelligence!
"The world's No.1 email newsletter for thinking parents"
Regular readers of Parental Intelligence will know that at
the tail end of each of my newsletters I link to several
parenting and associated projects in which I have a special
interest (please take a look this week if you've never
noticed them before! :)).
Well, the time has come for me to start a project of my own!
I'm calling it the Candlelight Project. I decided on that
name because it's about one parent (me!), in my role as the
publisher of this newsletter, lighting a candle that I can
use to explore one step at a time what many people I've got
to know since I started publishing my newsletter believe may
be the biggest threat right now to the happiness and success
of children and their parents everywhere on this planet.
That threat is called biopsychiatry.
When I first started publishing Parental Intelligence just
under a year ago, I'd never heard of "biopsychiatry", but,
every week from now on, I'll be shedding a little bit of
light on the matter, because I believe that it's a subject
that merits some serious attention and that we ALL need to
know a lot more about what it is and what it stands for
(good or bad), in order to be as well informed as we can be
- and that's what Parental Intelligence is all about after
all. :)
Read my initial musings below!
This week, while my family and I were taking a break in
Queensland, it was my wonderful daughter Bronnie's 18th
birthday. She's now officially an adult! Go, Bronnie!
It can be hard to grasp when our children are babies, but
helping to produce a successful adult who'll be an asset to
the world (and my wife and I most certainly have done that
in my not so humble opinion) is what parenting is all about
from the start.
Following The Candlelight Project this week, read some great
positive, creative parenting ideas from Tammy Cox of
Redirection Connection in her article "Preparing Our
Children For Independence".
Then, finally this week, Doug Bench tells us more about the
science of permanent self-motivation.
Have a great time until next time!
Bob
------------------------------------------------------------
"Teaching and imparting of knowledge make sense in an
unchanging environment ... But if there is one truth about
modern man it is that he lives in an environment that is
continually changing. The only man who is educated is the
man who has learned how to learn ... how to adapt and change
... who has learned that no knowledge is secure, that only
the process of seeking knowledge gives a basis for
security." - Carl Rogers
------------------------------------------------------------
************************************************************
Australia will host the 3rd international Soul in Education
conference with the theme Celebrating Spirit of Learning to
be held in the Byron Bay region in September-October 2003.
"An experiential week-long international gathering for
innovative thinkers, practitioners and all those committed
to fostering soul in education, human potential and learning
for life."
For more information about this exciting event, please visit
the Spirit of Learning website at:
http://www.spiritoflearning.com/conference
************************************************************
------------------------------------------------------------
THE CANDLELIGHT PROJECT
What is "biopsychiatry"?
The word doesn't appear in my 2001 edition of the Penguin
English Dictionary, although the concept has apparently been
around for some time; but, as I understand it, biopsychiatry
is essentially the identification of all behavioural
problems with brain disorders or neurochemical imbalances
that are biologically based. In other words, the behavioural
problems are caused by some kind of disease, in the same way
that, say, tuberculosis or multiple sclerosis are diseases,
only in this case they're diseases of the brain.
My introduction to biopsychology has been, of course,
through my investigations into the alleged 'brain disease'
called 'Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder', or
'ADHD'.
If you want to get up to speed on my observations about
that and you haven't yet read The Parental Intelligence
Report on 'ADHD', you can grab yourself a copy by sending a
blank email to: pire-@getresponse.com
So called 'Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder' is
something I'd never heard of until I read a newspaper item
about it in November 2002. It then became a subject of
fascination for me, for a couple of reasons.
Firstly, the beliefs underlying the diagnosis of 'ADHD'
seemed to be contrary to everything I've learned about human
nature and human development over the past 25 years.
Secondly, everything that I've learned about human nature
and human development over the past 25 years has been
successfully validated by everything I've experienced in
parenting my children over the past 18 years.
So, naturally, I wanted to know more about this perception
of human nature and behaviour that seemed to be the
antithesis of everything I myself believed about children
and their development and which had been the foundation of
my parenting for almost two decades.
And, especially since I'm also the publisher of a
newsletter that I claim is "The World's No.1 Email
Newsletter for Thinking Parents", this seems to me to be
something parents would most definitely want to do some
thinking about!
So, let's start where I came into this.
'ADHD'.
The world's leading expert on 'ADHD' is widely claimed to
be Russell Barkley, Ph.D., a Professor in the Departments of
Psychiatry and Neurology at the University of Massachusetts
Medical School.
I've no idea who Dr. Barkley is and what he's like. I've
never met him. But, his qualifications are certainly
impressive - you don't get to be a Professor without being
talented - and, for all I know, he's a top bloke, adored by
his wife and children and highly respected by his
colleagues.
I've read interviews with Dr. Barkley in which he's
presented his case for the biopsychiatric basis of 'ADHD'
and he certainly - as they say where I come from - talks a
good game.
Heck, this bloke even got so fed up with people going around
saying that 'ADHD' was a deception, a made up 'disease',
that he was moved to author a document called the
'International Consensus Statement on ADHD' - which was
co-signed by no fewer than 74 other experts in this
particular field - in an attempt to show once and for all
that 'ADHD' was a genuine disease and that its existence as
such was supported by voluminous scientific research and
documentation.
In fact, all along, Dr. Barkley has demonstrated an
unwavering belief in the principles of biopsychiatry and an
apparently sincere indignation that the science to which he
has devoted so many years of his life is being constantly
called into question.
Indeed, Dr. Barkley's closing remarks in his International
Consensus Statement include the following assertion: "To
publish stories that ADHD is a fictitious disorder or merely
a conflict between today's Huckleberry Finns and their
caregivers is tantamount to declaring the earth flat, the
laws of gravity debatable, and the periodic table in
chemistry a fraud."
Now, I ask myself - is that the language of someone whose
objective is to perpetrate a deception? Of course it isn't!
It's the language of someone who is totally convinced of the
truth of what they're saying.
And, if you knew nothing about 'ADHD' outside of what Dr.
Barkley told you, you'd probably be totally convinced as
well.
BUT - as it happens, these days I know quite a lot about
'ADHD' outside of what Dr. Barkley tells me and that causes
a teensy weensy little problem.
The problem is this: despite being constantly told by the
proponents of biopsychiatry that there is literally a
mountain of evidence to support their assertions that 'ADHD'
is a scientifically validated 'disease', the fact is that in
more than six months of looking I haven't found a single
piece of any such evidence. Not even one tiny scrap of it.
Quite the opposite, in fact. Everything I've discovered so
far about 'ADHD' suggests that the alleged 'scientific
evidence' being touted by Dr. Barkley and his fellow
proponents of biopsychiatry is actually complete hogwash.
That's why I suspect that the so-called 'science' of
biopsychiatry is not a science at all. It's a cult.
Join me next week for more thoughts on the mysteries of
'ADHD' and biopsychiatry!
In the meantime, remember to grab yourself a copy of The
Parental Intelligence Report on 'ADHD' if you haven't done
that yet by sending a blank email to:
pire-@getresponse.com
And please share what you learn with all your friends who
have children, or, better still, get them to subscribe to
this newsletter. (Subscribe instructions are at the top
and bottom of the newsletter)
You might also like to take a look at any or all of
these websites for some other opinions of biopsychiatry:
ADHD Fraud
http://www.adhdfraud.org/
Death From Ritalin
http://www.ritalindeath.com/
A.S.P.I.R.E.
http://www.aspire.us/
See you next week on the Candlelight Trail!
------------------------------------------------------------
This newsletter has been created using ideas and techniques
I learned from The Home Publishing Revolution, the world's
first complete course on how to start your own successful
home publishing business, written and published by Phil
Gosling - "Britain's most successful author no-one's ever
heard of".
If you're interested in a genuine home business opportunity,
find out more about the fabulous HOME PUBLISHING REVOLUTION
- the Greatest Home Business in the World!
You can download Part One of this 12-part course and a
review of Part Two absolutely free to read at your leisure!
Learn more:
http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=74710
LIVING FREE
Living Free is Phil Gosling's state-of-the-art 12-part
course on how to become completely financially independent.
It's a totally revised and updated Millennium Edition of
one of the best-selling educational courses of the early
1990s, the million-pound best seller Live The Dream that I
studied myself in 1996-97 and continue to learn from.
You can read Part One AND Part Two of this course for free.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
Learn more:
http://www.1shoppingcart.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=74710
------------------------------------------------------------
SYSTEM X
e-learning has enjoyed over the last 18 months a meteoric
rise as the number one Internet growth area. Combining best
of breed traditional marketing techniques with ever evolving
Internet marketing science, SystemX is a "petrol drenched"
business opportunity which has just been lit.
SystemX is based on the explosive combination of network and
Internet marketing, and delivers a vast set of quality
accredited e-learning courses, the high demand for which is
associated with their appeal as an investment by people
wanting to improve their career prospects and earning power,
as well as to companies as an investment in efficiency.
The best way to understand SystemX is to experience it by
signing up for a free, 15 day, no obligation trial (15 days
affiliate membership, 5 days training).
For further exciting details, please go to:
http://www.systemx.biz/index.lasso?num=1031138266
------------------------------------------------------------
Preparing Our Children For Independence
by Tammy Cox, LMSW
Parenting is a job which has the primary goal of putting
people out of work. Aside from providing the basic
necessities of life, our biggest challenge as parents is to
raise our children to be independent, responsible, humane
and productive adults. If we are successful in that our
grown children should be reasonably happy as well and while
they will most likely always want us in their lives, they
will no longer need us. While that thought might scare some
parents, most of us still understand the importance of
letting go.
Here are a few tips on how to let go without losing your
children.
1. Allow them the freedom to develop their decision making
skills. Even though we may often think we know best, I
suggest allowing children to make as many of the decisions
about their lives as possible - even when we think they are
making a mistake. Unless a mistake has serious consequences
the child will probably learn many valuable lessons from it.
Always ask yourself "What is the worst thing that could
happen?" If the answer is something that could be handled
without too much pain, let the child decide. Start with
little ones about minor issues -- what to wear, eat, play,
etc. Of course always offer choices that you can live with.
(You may not love them but you could live with them.) My
son had such a strong will that I soon learned that unless
it was really important it was best to let him choose for
himself. By the time he was 12 he had developed excellent
decision making skills and as an adult, he is incredibly
responsible and usually makes very wise decisions.
2. Teach them the art of negotiating for what they want. The
best way to teach this is to let children know that most
things in life are negotiable and that you are willing to
negotiate as long as a win-win result is the goal. Both
parties must feel like a winner after a successful
negotiation. To achieve this it is imperative that everyone
be very clear about what they want. In a close and loving
relationship both parties want the other to get what they
want too! Tell the child; "I want you to win! And I want
to win too. How can we work it out so that we can both
win?"
3. Recognize when a child is ready to accept responsibility.
Responsibility is not something you can teach - except by
modeling it. You can't really even give responsibility to
your child. The key is to recognize when the child is
capable of being responsible for a particular thing. That
ability comes when the child reaches the developmental stage
where they are physically, psychologically and emotionally
capable to handle a task. For example, it is not a
toddler's responsibility to handle their own toileting
needs, but it is very much the responsibility of a five year
old -- barring illness or some handicap. Most children, by
the time they go to school, are capable of handling the
majority of their homework so that should be their
responsibility. Of course I suggest parents be available to
help if needed, but it is still a good idea for the child to
take the responsibility of asking for help.
4. Encourage children to take risks. I am not talking about
foolish, dangerous risks, but throughout most of life the
real rewards are out there on those skinny limbs. We have
to be willing to ask for what we want and accept "No!" for
an answer. We have to be willing to make mistakes or look
foolish, and risk the judgments or ridicule of others. My
son is a successful professional ballet dancer today because
he had the courage to risk being teased when he was in
Junior High. Many children give up on a dream because they
are afraid people will make fun of them or they are afraid
of failure.
5. Maintain a close, loving and respectful relationship with
your children. We often hear it said that parents should not
try to be friends with their children -- they have to be the
parents. I believe we can be both -- responsible parents and
friends to our children. In fact I think being good friends
with our children is what makes it possible for us to be
really good parents.
I recently had a very eye-opening talk with my soon to be
13 year old grandson. We were just chatting in the car when
the topic of drugs came up. Robert said "Well, I'm not
going to ever take drugs!" I was curious as to how he came
to that decision and asked, "Why not?" He proceeded to tell
me that his Mom had talked to him about drugs and all the
problems they could cause, etc. I asked. "And you believe
all that?" He very emphatically said, "Of course! My Mom
would never lie to me and I know that she always wants what
is best for me." I had a flash back to when his Mom was a
teenager and remembered how she didn't seem to trust me at
all and didn't believe a word I said. I shared that with
Robert and asked why he thought he was willing to listen to
his mother and she had not been willing to listen to me. He
said "I don't know," but I knew. I told him I thought it was
because she was very angry with me most of the time because
I had tried so hard to control her all of her life. He said
"Oh, well my Mom doesn't try to control me at all. She
knows that if it's really important to her I will do what
she wants because I like to cooperate with her. She's my
best friend!"
Wow! Being friends with our children does pay off as long as
we are able to set healthy boundaries with them.
6. Set and maintain healthy boundaries for yourself. What
causes a lot of confusion for parents is the belief that if
they are friends with their children it will mean that the
children will run all over them. But real friends just don't
allow their friends to violate their boundaries. It is mean
because it sets up relationship dynamics that are unhealthy
for both. Having healthy boundaries means you are firm about
your own rights and what will and will not work for you. For
example, one of the boundaries that my daughter has with her
children is that she wants to feel like she is being a good
parent. Therefore she expects and receives their cooperation
when she thinks something is important. She respects their
wishes on most things and they reciprocate.
Another beautiful result of having healthy boundaries with
our children is that we have taught them how to set their
own boundaries which will serve them their entire lives.
There are many more things we can do to help our children
learn independence, but I think these are the most
important. So, I encourage you to trust your children. Trust
them to be able to make wise decisions -- with your guidance
of course; to understand the value of win-win negotiation;
to want to take responsibility when they are ready; to be
able to hear "no" or experience failure and still have the
courage to keep trying; to understand that friendship means
having mutual respect and really caring about one another;
and to be able to set and honor healthy boundaries.
Copyright (c) Tammy Cox, LMSW
Reprinted from the Redirection Connection newsletter.
The Redirection Connection is an educational company which
promotes closeness and cooperation in family and all other
relationships through courses, workshops and private
coaching consultations for individuals, couples or families.
Tammy Cox, Director
The Redirection Connection
2525 Wallingwood Dr. #705
Austin, Texas 78746
512-329-8806
FAX: 512-329-9471
E-mail: tam-@redirectionconnection.com
http://www.redirectionconnection.com
------------------------------------------------------------
"The greatest deficit in America isn't the trade deficit.
It's the attention deficit of our children. The average
child gets 14 minutes of attention a day from each of his
parents. So the greatest thing you can give a kid is time
spent listening to him or her." - Jack Canfield
------------------------------------------------------------
DOUG BENCH'S BRAIN STUFF
Neuroscientists have found and proven biologically that
nearly all motivational techniques cannot create lasting
high levels of motivation. Why?
Because, before now, all of the motivators of the world, and
all of the books and tapes appealed to the emotions, to your
consciousness, to inspire you. Until now they thought this
was the only way to reach high levels of motivation. And
everyone knew that it could not be permanent...until now.
Now, in just the last few years, neuroscience research has
revealed that the human brain "thinks" on 6 levels at a
time, and that only one of these levels is your conscious
level of thinking. 5/6ths of your brain-power is at your
nonconscious level. And at that level you are not even
aware of what you're thinking about, let alone controlling
it.
But now things can change. Science, not rah-rah voodoo, is
finding that you CAN learn to control all 6 parts of your
brain; that you can learn to program your non-conscious
thinking to put your brain on "auto-pilot" so that no matter
what you are thinking at the conscious level, you can
maintain that high energy level equal to when you first got
motivated.
Whether something that happens is negative or optimistic, it
cannot deter the power of your much larger and controlling
part of your brain and mind, IF you have programmed that
enormously powerful nonconscious part properly.
What if I told you that today, scientifically you could
learn techniques, systems and programs, so that your level
of motivation, no matter what you did consciously, and no
matter what others say to you or do, will always stay at the
highest level you have ever been at in your entire life?
A scientific internal brain-power from within you that when
switched on, unlocks, permanently unlocks, the doors to your
success, and to have or become whatever you want.
Do you think you could have all that you dream of; reach all
of your goals for this year; and experience a life of
abundance...scientifically?
You can. We have read the new research; we have talked with
the experts. We have spent over 4000 hours in the books.
We have the data and information for you.
And most importantly we have developed the techniques,
systems, programs, and tools so that you can learn the
SCIENCE of Permanent Self-Motivation. And it is already
inside of you. It's not in some TV guru's video tape.
Imagine the possibilities for you.
You don't have to fear procrastination or quitting anymore.
You don't have to spend hundred and hundreds of dollars on
every so called motivational book or tape that comes along.
You can learn to motivate yourself. You can learn to
control ALL of your brain and have it working automatically
towards all of your greatest dreams and achievements.
Your capacity for achievement and success has been expanded
by hundreds of times, with the revolutionary neuroscience
discoveries of just the last few years. No matter how you
want to apply that capacity.
Whether it's to get thinner; or to quit smoking. Whether
it's to motivate your children or to be a better parent. To
have a more successful business or career or even to
motivate your employees.
This new scientific information can set you free. And it's
already there. Right inside that little three pounds of
jelly called your brain. The most complete and powerful
machine in the Universe.
Learn the SCIENCE of PERMANENT Self-Motivation. So you
don't have to go back again and again and again, and spend
more and more and more money for a short term fix!
Scientific facts do not lie and do not fail, and neither
will you! Guaranteed!
*** 7 Mini-Science Lessons for Maxi-Success ***
This Course is FREE, and a great starting point for you to
run toward the Science of Permanent Self-Motivation.
Subscribe to the 7 Mini-Science Lessons for Maxi-Success
course and to Doug Bench's free Neuroscience Self-Motivation
News at his Science for Success website:
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
AUDIO has been added to Science for Success website!
Doug Bench has added Audio examples of nearly all of his
Systems and Tools to his website.
Go check it out now! Everywhere that you see the
Green 'Play' Button, you can hear a helpful sample of that
Tool.
http://www.mcssl.com/app/aftrack.asp?afid=69141
------------------------------------------------------------
PROJECTS OF INTEREST
The Parenting Project
http://www.parentingproject.org/
The Natural Child Project
http://www.naturalchild.org/
Project HappyChild
http://www.happychild.org.uk/
Project Renaissance
http://www.winwenger.com/
------------------------------------------------------------
I hope you've enjoyed this issue of Parental Intelligence!
Issue 50 will be published on 13 July 2003
PLEASE MENTION PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS
WHO HAVE CHILDREN - THEY'LL THANK YOU FOR IT!
Do you have any comments or suggestions? Would you
like to contribute an article?
mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
Please include the words "Parental Intelligence" in the
subject line.
This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. You are
receiving it because you requested a subscription, or it
has been forwarded to you by a friend.
If you're not a subscriber and you'd like to subscribe,
please either visit
http://www.topica.com/lists/pintel
or send a blank email to:
pintel-s-@topica.com
If you want to unsubscribe for any reason, please see the
unsubscribe instructions at the end of this newsletter.
Copyright (c) 2003, Bob Collier except where indicated
otherwise.
Published by:
Bob Collier
3 Goldie Place
Kambah
CANBERRA
ACT 2902
Australia
mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
Have a happy and successful day!
------------------------------------------------------------
"Who is this bloke?" Find out more about the publisher of
Parental Intelligence by sending a blank email to:
bobco-@getresponse.com
------------------------------------------------------------
|
|
 |
|
