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Parental Intelligence - Issue 57
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Bob Collier
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Sep 01, 2003 06:34 PDT
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-------------------PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE------------------
1 September 2003
Issue 57
Bob Collier, Editor mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. You are
receiving it because you requested a subscription, or it
has been forwarded to you by a friend.
If you're not a subscriber and you'd like to subscribe,
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If you want to unsubscribe for any reason, please see the
unsubscribe instructions at the end of this newsletter.
Welcome to Parental Intelligence!
"The world's No.1 email newsletter for thinking parents"
Despite what some parenting 'gurus' might tell us, I
believe that there can never be such a thing as a 'Perfect
Parent'. It's a delusion. Why? Because, in order to be
perfect, you must know in advance what constitutes
perfection. You have to be able to measure performance
against an existing definition, or you simply don't know
what perfection IS.
For example, if you pitch nine innings of a baseball game
without a batter getting to first base, that's called a
"perfect game". A pitcher knows when he steps onto the
mound at the start of a game that getting 27 batters out
without them getting on base is exactly what he needs to do
to be 'perfect'. When it comes to parenting, however, nobody
knows anything that clear cut - the probably infinite number
of combinations of individual parents, children,
circumstances, values and goals would make it impossible, in
my opinion, for anyone to ever judge what the definition of
'perfect parenting' should be. It's something that can never
be objectively defined.
So, my Website Of The Week this week is for all of us - The
Imperfect Parent, 'hosted' by Jessica and Prescott Carlson.
Amongst other delights, there are some great articles at The
Imperfect Parent website. You'll find one in this issue of
Parental Intelligence - Prescott Carlson's "Doctor, Heal
Thyself" - and don't be surprised if more turn up in future
issues! :)
Last week in The Candlelight Project, I added an item
literally at the last minute about the challenge to the
American Psychiatric Association by hunger strikers engaged
in a 'Fast for Freedom in Mental Health' in Pasedena,
California. I'm not planning to follow the hunger strike in
the pages of Parental Intelligence, but I wanted to give you
an opportunity to learn more about it and to follow it
yourselves if you want to, so this week I bring you the
latest update from Nicholas Regush of Red Flags Daily and a
link to the website of MindFreedom - the organisers of the
fast - for further information.
Watch out also this week for a brief Book Review that
provides me with an opportunity to give Roger Elliott's
excellent 'Uncommon Knowledge' websites a plug; and in Doug
Bench's Brain Stuff, there's news of an upcoming free
teleseminar for subscribers to his Neuroscience Self-
Motivation Newsletter, 'Possibilities!'. If you haven't
subscribed yet, now's a good time. See details at the bottom
of this newsletter.
Thanks for reading. Have a great week until next time!
Bob
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Would you like to help my newsletter grow? Simply recommend
Parental Intelligence to all your friends who have children.
They'll thank you for it!
Why not hit that 'forward' button right now?
My goal is 2,000 subscribers by 31st December 2003. This
week's Parental Intelligence is going out to 149 smart
people.
Thank you!
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"A man would do nothing, if he waited until he could do it
so well that no one at all would find fault with what he has
done." - Cardinal Newman
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WEBSITE OF THE WEEK
The Imperfect Parent
http://www.imperfectparent.com/
* Great articles
* Forums where you can exchange ideas with other 'imperfect
parents'
* Regular columns, including "The Family Man", "Get
Organized!", "Parents and Teens" and "Preschool
Entertainment"
* Online store
* Free newsletter
* Tons of good humour! :D
* Lots of other very interesting bits and pieces!
The Imperfect Parent is the creation of Jessica and Prescott
Carlson. I'll let them tell you about it in their own words:
"So, you're probably asking yourself, what is this site all
about? Well, it's probably best if we start from the
beginning. Way back in August 1962, a talented young group
at MIT envisioned a globally interconnected set of computers
through which everyone could quickly access data and
programs from any site.... wait, that's going too far back.
Let's leap ahead to 2002. Jessica and Prescott Carlson,
devoted parents and admitted internet junkies, realized
after spending countless hours going from parenting site to
parenting site that they all seemed to be derivative of one
another. Same after same dry articles, community forums with
"unobjectionable" topics, some with moderators so heavy-
handed and politically correct that it made active debate
fruitless. There needed to be a place where parents could
exercise their minds, and get together to discuss and debate
the topics that affect our lives. Hence, the Imperfect
Parent was born.
The name Imperfect Parent came from the disgust of being
constantly preached to on how to be the perfect parent, and
what we were doing wrong. As we are all flawed human beings,
it is logical that we may be imperfect parents. We monitor
the success of our parenting skills by the obvious happiness
and emotional attachment to our children, not by some book's
chart of the ideal "emotional quotient". When our son says,
"I love you" when we tuck him in at night, we feel we're
doing a damn good job. What we've done here is gathered
articles and columns written by parents like yourself, with
the intent of either making you think or making you laugh.
A community was created for parents to talk freely and
openly without big brother watching. The articles and
community were designed to share parenting experiences and
to let you know that you're not alone with your flaws and
imperfections. So, come on in and stay with us awhile. Read
a bit, debate a bit, and above all, have fun!"
The Imperfect Parent
http://www.imperfectparent.com/
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Australia will host the 3rd international Soul in Education
conference with the theme Celebrating Spirit of Learning to
be held in the Byron Bay region in September-October 2003.
"An experiential week-long international gathering for
innovative thinkers, practitioners and all those committed
to fostering soul in education, human potential and learning
for life."
For more information about this exciting event, please visit
the Spirit of Learning website at:
http://www.spiritoflearning.com/conference
************************************************************
A FREE GIFT FOR PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE READERS
For a limited time Parental Intelligence would like to give
you a free introductory copy of byronchild, a new Australian
magazine created especially for progressive families which,
like Parental Intelligence, supports the propagation of
intelligent information for parents. Simply email
ka-@byronpublications.com with your name and address and a
free magazine will be sent to you. See more about byronchild
at http://byronchild.com
************************************************************
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THE CANDLELIGHT PROJECT
August 28, 2003
SECOND OPINION
http://www.redflagsweekly.com/extra/2003_aug28.html
A FAST FOR FREEDOM IN MENTAL HEALTH
A hunger strike challenges international domination by
biopsychiatry and the forced drugging of patients
QUESTIONABLE SCIENCE - BY FORCE
Eight In A Series
By RFD Editor, Nicholas Regush
Day Twelve. Yesterday the MindFreedom hunger strikers in
Pasadena, California held a face to face meeting with Dr.
Marcia Goin, President of the American Psychiatric
Association (APA). No, they weren't exactly invited over for
some coffee and cake, but they say they didn't meet with too
much resistance either when they decided to take a short
trek from strike headquarters to Goin's Los Angeles office.
They did call first.
It wasn't a meeting that will make the record books in terms
of a real breakthrough, but for the strikers it was
breakthrough enough, for now, as Goin appears to have
indicated a reserved willingness to explore the possibility
of having a meeting between representatives of MindFreedom
and the APA.
The issue, as I have explored in previous columns in this
series, is mainly about the dominant psychiatric agenda in
play these days: biopsychiatry. The MindFreedom hunger
strikers are asking the APA and the National Alliance for
the Mentally Ill and the U.S. Surgeon General to provide
solid scientific evidence for the "biological basis of
mental illness." One reason, aside from the obvious, for
their demand is that there is an increasing pattern of
forced drugging across the U.S. as the lynchpin of so-called
community programs. This is the direct result of a strong
belief - and I emphasize the word, belief, in the biological
theory of mental illness. And it therefore follows that such
a belief system will inevitably lead to a policy of forced
drugging, requiring many psychiatric patients to accept drug
therapies as a passport to community life.
One reason why this hunger strike is extremely important is
that it points to a widespread pattern in our culture to
accept less-than-adequate science as the basis for clinical
care. I've been reporting on science and medicine for more
than 25 years and it has always been very clear in my mind
that what often passes for wisdom and pragmatic policy is
highly primitive information. Only, health professionals,
including psychiatrists, lack the humility to understand
that they are dealing with a tiny fraction of what will be
known five years or ten years from now. This is especially
true of brain science. Psychiatry has leaped into the so-
called "era of the brain" with the sophistication of a
"gnat." It also jumped right in holding hands with the drug
industry, which has the social consciousness of a "zit."
Over the many years that I have been reporting on health, I
have interviewed many scientists, for both print and
television, and among them have been Nobel Laureates and
winners of this and that. I have found that the people who
are trustworthy and willing to explore ideas are definitely
in the minority. But they stand out as having the deep
understanding that we live on a primitive planet with still
primitive ideas. The other side - those who pretend they
have answers to everything - also stand out as geniuses in
their own minds. Upon careful scrutiny - and sometimes in
the act of interviewing - I have had an extremely easy time
of it, exposing the incredible low level knowledge that some
of these pedestal movers and shakers really have. When they
snort away with their theories and facts in front of people
they feel they can control, they seem to have the upper hand.
But when they must detail their views in an orderly fashion,
they often break down. This is one reason why as a columnist
I have issued numerous challenges - most recently one to the
APA - to debate me on substantive issues. While I can never
be sure of winning by a knockout, I have enough experience
behind me to know just how incredibly vulnerable some of
these bigshots really are. And that includes their lack of
knowledge of the wide-scale science surrounding their chosen
profession.
In the case of the APA, I sincerely doubt whether any of
their researchers or other representatives could possibly
emerge with happy faces from a well-organized encounter with
critics of the biological theory that lines and drives
psychiatry. Is this why an APA president would probably not
be too willing to get involved in a debate? Probably.
Because the APA would look like a horse's ass once the
debate got going. Frankly, I'd give a lot to witness such a
debate or even participate in one. I would also love to see
the APA hold one with representatives from the drug industry
assembled in the audience as "spares" just in case the APA
gets into trouble. And why not, it would be expected and the
tag team would be just the perfect image for a profession
that is losing credibility worldwide, day by day.
Copyright (c) Nicholas Regush, Red Flags Daily
http://www.redflagsweekly.com/
************************************************************
For daily updates and more information about the Fast for
Freedom in Mental Health, please visit:
http://www.mindfreedom.org/
************************************************************
If you're not up to speed with the Candlelight Project and
would like to read about it from the beginning, please
visit the following web page and read from Parental
Intelligence Issue 49:
http://www.topica.com/lists/pintel/read
If you'd like to read The Parental Intelligence Report on
'ADHD', published May 2003, please send a blank email to:
pire-@getresponse.com
To discover more of the truth about 'ADHD', please visit:
ADHD Fraud
http://www.adhdfraud.org/
Death From Ritalin
http://www.ritalindeath.com/
A.S.P.I.R.E.
http://www.aspire.us/
Wildest Colts Make the Best Horses
(Download a free copy of "A Colt of a Booklet" while you're
there!)
http://www.wildestcolts.com/
Citizens Commission on Human Rights
http://www.cchr.org/
Able Child - Parents for Label and Drug Free Education
http://ablechild.org/
Fight For Kids
http://www.fightforkids.org/
See you next week on the Candlelight Trail!
************************************************************
BOOK REVIEW
Emotional Intelligence
by Daniel Goleman
Review by Roger Elliott of Uncommon Knowledge Ltd.
Emotional Intelligence has been a huge best-seller for some
time, and has spawned a plethora of copycat titles.
Goleman has brought together, in a readable and entertaining
way, enough information about emotions and how they work to
put the average (or above average!) therapist to shame.
As emotional problems continue to increase, this information
is becoming essential in helping us master our emotions,
rather than being controlled by them.
It is required reading for our diploma trainees and should
be taught to children at school! (In my opinion of course).
To find out more about "Emotional Intelligence", and other
books of interest, please visit:
http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/books.html
Uncommon Knowledge Ltd. is a developer of psychology
products and services.
Uncommon Knowledge owns and operates websites for:
Mental health
http://www.uncommon-knowledge.co.uk/
Confidence
http://www.self-confidence.co.uk/
Panic
http://www.panic-attacks.co.uk/
Depression
http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/
Hypnosis
http://www.self-hypnosis.co.uk/
Uncommon Knowledge Ltd.,
112 Hollingbury Park Avenue, Brighton, England, UK BN1 7JP
Telephone: +44 (0)1273 557799, Fax: +44 (0)1273 558890,
International: 011 (44) 1273 557799
************************************************************
************************************************************
LIVING FREE
HOW TO BEAT THE SYSTEM - AND GROW RICH
by Phil Gosling - "Britain's most successful author
no-one's ever heard of".
Read Part One AND Part Two of this totally revised and
updated Millennium Edition of one of the best-selling
educational courses of the early 1990s ABSOLUTELY FREE.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
Please visit:
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************************************************************
Doctor, Heal Thyself
Why is an m.d. spewing advice about child psychology?
by Prescott Carlson
A medical advice column was recently brought to my
attention, written by Dr. Peter Gott. I must admit, I had
never heard of Dr. Gott before, despite his being widely
syndicated. Strangely enough, whenever I have a concern
about my health, I tend to visit our family physician or the
hospital instead of consulting section 4a of the Sunday
suburban newspaper. In fact, the whole concept of a medical
advice column seems somewhat flawed. Let's say best case
scenario, given the volume of mail received, and that this
is a weekly column, that your question is answered within
two weeks. "Dear Dr. Gott: Lately I seem to be bleeding
from all the wrong places. What gives?" "Dear Reader: All
signs indicate that you have only three days to live. Oh,
wait, that means... sorry..."
So, what prompted me to read this particular week's column?
Dr. Gott, who from what I can determine is a medical doctor,
has decided to issue his opinion on parenting methods and
child psychology. Co-sleeping to be specific. If you aren't
up to speed on the lingo, co-sleeping is exactly like it
sounds. Parents and children sleep together in what is known
as the "family bed". Now, let's not even get into whether or
not co-sleeping is right or wrong, or what affect it has on
the children. Let's address how the dear doctor chose to
handle his reader's question. It's strange that because this
man obtained the title of "Dr." he suddenly has become an
expert on everything. It's called "Dr. Laura" syndrome.
There are problems with this column from the very start --
the question itself, who it came from, and how it was asked:
"Q. My four-year-old grandson sleeps with his mother every
night and has done so since infancy. Now he refuses to sleep
by himself. Please detail any psychological damage caused by
this practice."
The first thing that annoys me about this question is that
it's the !#$% grandma asking this question, and not the
parents. You know she gives them grief every time she's at
their house, or talking on the phone, or writing them a
letter, or standing outside shouting up to their window at
3 a.m., and is turning to this advice column to validate her
nagging. "See? Dr. Gott says you shouldn't do it." Ah, the
joys of an overbearing mother-in-law. There's something else
that bothers me. Look at that last line; it is not "will it
cause damage", it reads as "I know it causes damage --
please tell me specifically what kind." Again, further proof
that this woman is looking for validation, not advice.
On to Dr. Gott's sage response:
"They sleep with their children and are much less likely to
set boundaries for their youngsters. The playpen, for
instance, was a vital accessory 30 years ago, but modern
parents, for a variety of reasons, refuse to use it.
"Can someone explain how these three things are related?
What does co-sleeping have to do with "setting boundaries"?
That phrase in general makes my skin crawl. It seems as if I
should have the equivalent of an employee handbook for my
kids. I teach my son manners, and try to keep him from
behaving like a lunatic, and if that's not the proper way to
set boundaries, then so be it. Everyone he meets thinks he's
sweet, outgoing, polite, and about 18 months older than he
is so I think I'm doing fine.
And the playpen -- he really wants to make an issue out of
this? First off, he loses me by saying it was a "vital
accessory 30 years ago". Uh, I don't know about anyone else,
but I strive to look forward in my parenting techniques, not
backwards. And we all know how pleasant it is to think that
we've become our parents. What's next? "Nobody used car
seats 30 years ago, what's wrong with these parents of
today?" There also were not all of the nifty gadgets that we
have around today that allow for better babyproofing of the
home, hence, a more secure feeling to let your kid crawl and
play and not go into the "baby jail". Ah, but he goes on:
"Predictably, toddlers who consistently run free require
much more supervision, a task that places a huge stress on
parents of any age."
He calls it a "huge stress". I call it spending time with my
kids. Gee, I have nowhere to place my baby so I can take a
nap, watch television and generally avoid my parenting
responsibilities. Boo hoo. Apparently instead of letting my
child "run free" I should chain him up to the side of the
house. Wouldn't want to cause any more stress.
"Similarly, the child who sleeps with a parent limits adult
activities, and the fun really starts when, at long last,
the child has to be transplanted to his or her own bed."
I'm assuming by "adult activities" he means sex. Ah, yes,
the ol' no sex when co-sleeping argument. How original. I'm
going to have to take a giant leap here and assume that
these parents find creative ways around this. I'm very sure
that at least the husband comes up with creative ways around
this. Maybe Dr. Gott should be glad because if what he says
is true, these awful, awful parents won't be having any more
kids. But it's not over:
"Withdrawal, anger, frustration and insecurity inevitably
follow -- all of which could have been prevented if the
procedure had taken place years before when the child was in
a more malleable state."
"When the child was in a more malleable state." Of course I
know that I help shape my child's view of the world and his
behavior. But the way that's phrased is just downright
creepy, and sounds like the instruction manual to make your
own "Children of the Corn". And since when did parenting
become a "procedure"?
"In my view, your grandson's mother should bite the bullet
and insist that he sleep alone. While such a change may
cause unhappiness for a time, it will be well worth the
tribulation as the child develops."
Dr. Gott has just assured that the next Sunday dinner at
Granny's house is going to be very uncomfortable indeed.
Copyright (c), Prescott Carlson
Prescott Carlson is the editor-in-chief of The Imperfect
Parent. His name has appeared on the cover of Harper's, The
New Yorker and Parenting magazines. Right there on the
subscription label.
The Imperfect Parent
http://www.imperfectparent.com/
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"If you don't run your own life, somebody else will." - John
Atkinson
------------------------------------------------------------
DOUG BENCH'S BRAIN STUFF
NO CHARGE TeleSeminar for new Subscribers and Beginners
Set for EVERY MONTH!
The FREE Teleseminar in June and July was a total "sell-out"
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Therefore, since it was so popular with our new subscribers,
we are going to repeat these FREE TeleSeminars every month!
And in August we are scheduling TWO nights for you to choose
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If you are a new subscriber or relatively new at learning
science-based permanent self-motivation skills, this is for
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on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 at 8:00 PM Eastern time for
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Or on Thursday, September 18, 2003 at 8:00 AM Eastern time
for 100 minutes.
To convert this time to the time in your part of the world,
go to:
http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/
If you are a new subscriber or a "Science of Self-Motivation
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Register today by visiting the Science For Success Website
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Go check it out now! Everywhere that you see the
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------------------------------------------------------------
PROJECTS OF INTEREST
The Natural Child Project
Parent, homeschooler, author and psychologist Jan Hunt
shares her vision of the world in which all children are
treated with dignity, respect, understanding and compassion.
http://www.naturalchild.org/
The Parenting Project
A non-profit organization founded in 1995 by parent advocate
and mother of three Suzy Garfinkle Chevrier working to bring
parenting, empathy and nurturing skills education to all
school age children and teens.
http://www.parentingproject.org/
Project HappyChild
Penny Rollo Midas' extraordinary extravaganza of resources
for children and parents. Started in 1998, it's now more
than 7,000 pages and still growing!
http://www.happychild.org.uk/
Project Renaissance
Creative thinking pioneer Win Wenger's core mission is to
enable as many human beings as possible to become more than
a match for the situations, opportunities and problems or
difficulties that they find around them, and to enjoy a
richer quality of life and experience.
http://www.winwenger.com/
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I hope you've enjoyed this issue of Parental Intelligence!
Issue 58 will be published on 8 September 2003
PLEASE RECOMMEND PARENTAL INTELLIGENCE TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS
WHO HAVE CHILDREN - THEY'LL THANK YOU FOR IT!
Do you have any comments or suggestions? Would you
like to contribute an article?
mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
Please include the words "Parental Intelligence" in the
subject line.
This newsletter is never sent unsolicited. You are
receiving it because you requested a subscription, or it
has been forwarded to you by a friend.
If you're not a subscriber and you'd like to subscribe,
please either visit
http://www.topica.com/lists/pintel
or send a blank email to:
pintel-s-@topica.com
If you want to unsubscribe for any reason, please see the
unsubscribe instructions at the end of this newsletter.
Copyright (c) 2003, Bob Collier except where indicated
otherwise.
Published by:
Bob Collier
3 Goldie Place
Kambah
CANBERRA
ACT 2902
Australia
mailto:quauss-@hotmail.com
Have a happy and successful day!
------------------------------------------------------------
"Who is this bloke?" Find out more about the publisher of
Parental Intelligence by sending a blank email to:
bobco-@getresponse.com
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