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The Daily Probe -- February 26, 2002
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Top5 Productions
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Feb 26, 2002 10:42 PST
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February 26, 2002
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Read the stories to near-true headlines such as:
* Cans of Whup-Ass To Get Warning Label
* American Audience Demands More Winter Olympic Events With Weapons
* Vegetarian Zombies Search for Soy Brains
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[ DOMESTIC NEWS ]
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Energy Regulator Has Skeletons in Closet, Carcasses in Cabinets
WASHINGTON (DPI) - Officials this week discovered that the chairman
of the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission had not been sending
inspectors to oversee oil companies such as Enron, but had in fact
killed the inspectors and piled their rotting corpses inside his
office closet and file cabinets. "Sending the inspectors out to
oversee the corporations was so complicated," Chairman Tex Bushwood
explained, "it was so much easier just to kill the inspectors and
hang on to their bodies." When asked why he kept the decaying
bodies in his office, Bushwood answered, "My shredder was broken,
what else could I do with them?"
Meanwhile, Bushwood is claiming executive privilege to prevent
disclosure of what he has hidden in his lower right desk drawer.
"You don't want to know," he said, "trust me."
- Reported by Slick Sharkey
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[ HEADLINES ]
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* Athletes Conclude Games by Exchanging Olympic Pins, Body Fluids
* McDonald's Introduces Obesity Value Meals
* Ice Dancer's Breasts -- Are You Guys Watching This?
* Ford "Koran" Voted Least-Well-Timed Vehicle of Year
* Russian Officials Demand Judges Review Loss in the Cold War
* Opinion: SI Kids Swimsuit Issue Just Plain Wrong
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[ Copyright 2002, Chris White ]
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