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The Daily Probe -- March 12, 2002
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Top5 Productions
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Mar 12, 2002 16:37 PST
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March 12, 2002
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The new issue of THE DAILY PROBE is online NOW!
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Read the stories to near-true headlines such as:
* Lounge Singer Goes a Little Something Like This
* Time-Management Guru Masters AA in 9 Steps
* KISS Army Lieutenant Demoted to Corpora
* Stop Staring at My Tits!
* Playboy Found Under Mattress Solves Mother's Laundry Mystery
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[ FROM THE ARCHIVES ]
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34,997 ARRESTED AT PHISH CONCERT
AMES, IA (DPI) - Authorities here were swamped this evening after a
performance by the popular band Phish, a "groove" band similar in
style to the Grateful Dead, where 34,997 individuals were arrested
on a variety of drug-related charges. "We're a bit surprised,"
commented Ames Sheriff Bob Schmitt, "I mean, we had 35 arrests last
year, which we thought was excessive. So after pressure from
several concerned groups we decided that this year we'd stop every
concert-goer as they left the show. Let me tell you, I can't believe
that all but three of 'em were fucked up to the bejeezus." All but
three concert attendees are currently being held in a local
football field, where the disgruntled yet upbeat group is said to
be amusing themselves in a variety of ways, including drum circles,
hacky sacks and a surprisingly large amount of marijuana.
- Reported by Mark Niebuhr
http://www.mp3.com/PlateOShrimp
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[ MORE HEADLINES ]
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* Jesse Jackson Holds Rotting Vigil With Uncremated Georgia Bodies
* NBA Insider: Those Ugly White Europeans Sure Can Shoot
* Koppel Appealing to ABC to Stay By Reading "Top Ten Reasons
the Nation's Current Economic Recession Could Easily Be
Resolved by Increasing Our GNP and Decreasing the Power
of the Federal Reserve Chairman"
* "Anusol" Buyers Lobby For Name Change
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[ Copyright 2002, Chris White ]
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