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The Daily Probe -- July 2, 2002
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Top5 Productions
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Jul 02, 2002 15:43 PDT
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[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White in-@dailyprobe.com ]
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July 2, 2002
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[ DOMESTIC NEWS ]
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DAILY PROBE PUBLISHER REPLACED BY DYSLEXIC MONKEY
LOS ANGELES (DPI) - Daily Probe Publisher Chris White was replaced
today by Zum-Zum the Dyslexic Monkey in a surprise move by the
Daily Probe Board of Directors. Zum-Zum joins the Probe after a
distinguished career in waste matter acceleration and avant-garde
performance art at the San Diego Zoo. He was tapped by the Board
after a crisis of investor confidence in company management's
ability to accomplish something as simple as not send out the Web
site statistics for www.dailyprobe.com to the entire freaking
readership mailing list.
"Monkeys are funny," said an official Daily Probe news release.
"And the new publisher will probably be less enamored or public
masturbation, ensuring a significant savings in legal fees."
Neither Zum-Zum nor White was available for comment.
- Reported by John C. Mozena
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The latest issue of THE DAILY PROBE is online NOW!
http://www.dailyprobe.com
Read almost-true stories and headlines such as:
* Inventor of Air Quotes Dies in Mysterious "Accident"
* Appeals Court Rules Movie "Oh, God!" Unconstitutional
* Arizona Firefighters Not Getting Laid as Much as NYC Firefighters
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[ IN OTHER NEWS ]
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* Make-a-Wish Foundation Unable to Grant "Head From Buffy" Wish
* Chubby Guy on Couch Doesn't See What's So Hard About Soccer
* Study: Future of Technology Largely in Hands of Men Who Can't
Unhook a Bra
* Report: Sex-For-Grades Rampant in Kentucky's Home Schools
* FBI Warns of Plot to Assassinate JFK in Dallas
* Greenspan Leaves Interest Rates, Underpants Unchanged
* Bush: Forget Enron -- Let's Investigate Those WorldCom Bastards!
* K-Mart to Sell Martha Stewart License Plates for Next 2-5 Years
* Vanilla Coke Just Like Regular Coke Except Bad
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[ Copyright 2002, Chris White ]
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