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Jest for Pun - On No ... Not JfP AGAIN !
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Gunjan
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Feb 03, 2004 04:04 PST
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JEST FOR PUN
3rd February 2004
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I believe that God was right to give us life,
but He should have left open the possibility of parole.
~ Dr. Mike (in Laugh Lovers Group) ~
^^^^^^^^^
==> Oh What Pun !
The fans oh how they scream and howl,
When the referee calls a fowl;
Does the moron not know,
That all here for the show,
Have come to see the superb-owl !
~ Gunjan
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Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
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==> Bathroom Singing not Punny !
I was in the bathroom doling out a soulful
rendition of ...
"It's a long long way to Tipperary,
It's a long long way to go ...
It's a long long way to Tipperary,
But my heart lies there ...
...when I was rudely cut-off by a knock and
10 year old voice reminding me - "Lying is
bad for your heart !"
~ Gunjan
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'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
===============================
==> P.U.N.Y comments on 'Right Out'
And didn't Janet Jackson make history? As the very first
Jackson to make a clean breast of it all in public?
~ Lars Hanson
The issue of female nudity on television needs to be nipped
in the butt. Whoever's flash of inspiration this was should be
strongly censured. I volunteer to try and lick the problem.
~ Jason Dias
I am sure, with a little study, we could get to the bare essentials,
so long as we are all up front about this issue.
~ Joseph Harris
I jugs don't get why all the brouhaha. A friend of mine fainted --
we had to get out his melon salts.
Personally I don't see why we shouldn't be exposed to such titbits.
~ Bob Dvorak
==========**********O**********==========
As Churchill boarded a splendid yacht at Cannes, he was
asked, "Sir Winston, are you looking forward to you
Mediterranean cruise?"
Churchill replied, "I always manage somehow to adjust to
any new level of luxury without whimper or complaint. It
is one of my more winning traits."
~ From 'The Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill'
http://snurl.com/winwit
The Booklist says about this book - "Drink up idolaters and
toastmasters, for any of these thousand witticisms could start
a speech, or end an opponent's overly long one."
==========**********O**********==========
===> Punny Advertising...
A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this
fall. In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them
somehow. With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl,
he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people.
With this in mind he went to the local TV station to speak with
the advertising manager.
The farmer said, "I would like to purchase a minute or two during
the Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a
bountiful crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans,
navy beans, red beans..."
The sales manager said, "Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what
would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?"
The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly,
"I'd be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks."
"$300?" the manager yelled, "You must be out of your mind!!! The
current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the
Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS
of dollars to reach the audience!"
The farmer very evenly replied, "I'm sure that's right. But those
people are out for blood. I'm just farting around."
[Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners ]
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Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does all the talking !
Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
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==> The Last Word
A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his
adventures in the African jungle.
"Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that
they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices
from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed,
make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a
greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain
other animals?"
When the students looked startled by such barbarism,
the explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of
course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
(Thanks Dianne)
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Comments? -- write to me,
Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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