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Jest for Pun - Why things are the way they are !
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Gunjan
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Mar 03, 2004 20:12 PST
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JEST FOR PUN
4th March 2004
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And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over."
(Thanks Dianne)
^^^^^^^^^
==> Pun with Oxford ...
Parable - n. a simple story used to illustrate a moral
or spiritual lesson.
~ Concise Oxford Dictionary
Is this a fast one you're trying to pull,
or is your research complete and full ?
Coz in school I was taught,
and have always since thought...
them critters that pull ploughs are Pa'r-a-bul's !
~ Gunjan
===============================
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Fess Fink - reform school student, stoolie
Manny Hughes - age 4, crayon artist extraordinaire
Fran Ticke - a.k.a. The Deadline Queen
Punny names, joke-cartoons, and more at
http://www.grinningplanet.com/9001/jestforpun.htm
===============================
==> Oh Kolkatta and other Black Holes ...
Cmdr. Cal Schneider didn't like the appearance of his
Coast Guard craft. He had the thing painted black.
Now it's known as the Black Hull of Cal's Cutter.
* * * * * *
Gloria put a new rain catcher on the side of her house. The
downspout at the front end got clogged with leaves. All the
water goes down the Back Hole of Gal's Gutter.
* * * * * *
India did a census. But the data didn't arrive properly from
one city. The database showed nothing but a Blank Whole
of Calcutta.
~ Bob Dvorak
***********
The human organ selling racket was thriving in Punjab.
So a neurosurgeon decided to move to there and get into
that racket. However after a month of surgeries and over
50 nuts cracked he still hadn't found a brain that he was able
to sell.
This of course was the bleak haul of skull cutter.
~ Gunjan
Next?
===============================
'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
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===============================
==> Puntastic BMW
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a Petrol
station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant,
obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish
manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick
"hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two
tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What're those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Fookin Jaysus", says the Irishman, "BMW tinks of everyting!"
(Thanks tOM)
==========**********O**********==========
Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does all the talking !
Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
==========**********O**********==========
===> Ghosts of administrations past...
One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his
White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington
standing by him. Bush asks him, "George, what's the best thing
I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable
example, just as I did," Washington advises, then fades away.
The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of
Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom.
Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I could
do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did,"
Jefferson advises, and dims from sight.
The third night sleep is still not in the cards for Bush. He awakens
to see the ghost of F. D. R. hovering over his bed. Bush whispers,
"Franklin, What is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into
the mists.
Bush isn't sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. "Abe, what
is the best thing I can do right now, to help the country?" Bush
pleads. Abe replies, "Go see a play."
(Thanks tOM)
=====================
Do you know the difference between caveat emptor and
an empty bowl of caviar? Likewise, if you've been carjacked,
are you the victim of a robbery, burglary, or are you just
happy to finally be rid of that 1983 Chevy Nova?
In If It Does Not Fit, Must You Acquit?, you will find the
answer to these questions and hundreds of equally silly
questions. More importantly, you will learn the
fundamental principles of our legal system.
Follow this link and enjoy one of the best Book Descriptions
that I have come across...
http://snurl.com/acquit
===============================
==> Flooded with Puns ...
A latter-day Noah gets the Word that the Flood is coming. Since
his local Home Depot is pretty small, and the last piece of
furniture he tried to build ended up becoming an ashtray anyway, he
contracted with a local shop to construct it for him. A few months
later, Noah opens his mail, and, sure enough, they'd billed him an
ark.
~ Bob D
===============================
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult. His jabs
at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring conventionality still have
a penetrating power. His snubs and put-downs became the
talk of his time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750 biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
===============================
==> The Last Word
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had
great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked
her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied "especially the tight pants and
all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were
killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was: Get the quarterback! Get the
quarterback!' And then they kept crashing into each other as hard as
they could! And that guy who got carried off on a stretcher?
Hel-LLLO...it's only 25 cents! I hate to think what they'd do if it was
a whole DOLLAR!"
(Thanks tOM)
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Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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