|
Jest for Pun - Fun? That ain't !
|
Gunjan
|
Jun 14, 2004 00:16 PDT
|
JEST FOR PUN
14th May 2004
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
~ Lane Pope ~
^^^^^^^^^
==> Punny Questions ...
The assembly line ground to a halt. The supervisor had found
some white sticky stuff on some of the nuts and bolts that
held the product together.
A painful investigation revealed what the substance was and
the problem was traced to Tom, the newly hired, eager young
handyman. The result was told to the supervisor who found it
hard to believe that this could be the problem.
He called Tom to his office and screamed -
"Tom, are you f###ing nuts ?"
~ Gunjan
===============================
When the author was on her honeymoon, her third grade class
put together a booklet they called Advice for a Happy Marriage
to present to her when she returned. In it are musings ranging
from the truly wise to the uproariously funny. Now, Dietz Crawford
shares these nuggets of wisdom with readers everywhere.
This Third Grade Advice makes a fantastic wedding gift ! ;)
http://snipurl.com/thirdgradeadvice
===============================
==> 2004 Winner - Punniest of the show...
Judges gave Ben Glazer and Gita Mani each 39 out of
a possible 40 points for Punniest of Show. Ben Glazer
then won the gold medal by the vote of the audience.
Here is their 2nd placed routine routine:
The OKRA Show
Putting our best FRUIT forward for your VEGGIEcation
Welcome to the Okra Show. Today, CHERRY Seinfeld will
tell ARTI-JOKESand we'll meet Bruce Lee's twin, BROCC' LEE.
Watch The BOK CHOY ballet perform the WATER CHESTNUT
cracker Suite. Hear the RapSCALLIONS sing their a-MAIZE-ing
hit, "I think, therefore I YAM," and the STRING BEAN Quintet
play "GREENS LEAVES." So TURNIP the volume ENDIVE in.
Parsley, sage, rosemary and THYME for a commercial break.
Take a LEEK if you must, but PEAS-don't change that
FENNEL. The Okra show will be right back.
(Holding up sign that reads "CORNmercial"):
This slice was brought to you by DAIKON cameras.
Daikon--For the best SHOOTS.
(Another sign that reads "end of CORNmercial")
The global crisis BEETS me. WATERCRESS we're in. SPUD
missiles on our EGGPLANET? SPROUTrageous! That son of
a PEACH is a BUSHel of trouble - makes me break out in
CHIVES.
Tomorrow, we'll have upDATES on the CAPERS of two
BITTER MELONS who CANTALOUPE because their
au PEAR won't let them. We'll also meet the HEAD OF
LETTUCE Pray Foundation.
Thanks to those who PRODUCE this show-y'all deserve
a PLUM CELERYwith STALK options. And (to audience)
y'all have been a GRAPE BUNCH! Give yourselves a POUND
of APPLE-ause. See you TATER! GOURD Bless America!
And now, it's over to Dr. DILL.
--by Gita Mani and Archana Sinharay
Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
===============================
'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
===============================
==> P(f)un? That ain't...
As I was going up the stair
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away.
~ Lines from 'The Psychoed' by Hughes Mearns.
Thanks Uncle Joe (www.smilepoetryweekly.com)
==========**********O**********==========
Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does
all the talking ! Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
==========**********O**********==========
===> Lim-loving bookworms !
From the Bible a page did fall out.
Many days the monk searched all about.
A look of surpise
Was shown in his eyes
When 'twas found. "Holy sheet!" he did shout.
~ Kirk Miller
There was a book writer named Bryce
Whose book was really quite nice
It was honest and fair
and paid all who won square
Until raided by detectives from vice.
~ Norm S
At the B&N counter I tell her
Of the wines I've collected most stellar.
She picks out a book
And said, "Worth a look
For a gourmet who needs a Best Cellar."
~ Bob Dvorak
(From a limloop at The Limericks and Haiku Group
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/limericks_n_haiku/)
=====================
Does your Cat speak any French ?
Isn't it high time you taught him some ?
Who better to help you teach him than
Henri de la Barbe (Henry Beard) ?
Check out ... French for Cats
http://snipurl.com/catfrench
===============================
==> Where there's smoke...
Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all
sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed
one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a
big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy
asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes.
At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He
comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a
lawyer. It was terrific."
They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife , and
they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my
life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new
family. I love i t."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets,
going "Anybody got a match?"
(Thanks tOM)
===============================
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult.
His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring
conventionality still have a penetrating power.
His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his
time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750
biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
===============================
==> Almost The Last Word
Three ministers sat discussing the best positions for prayer
while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
"Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one minister.
"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing
with my hands outstretched to Heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective
prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."
The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas,"
he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside
down from a telephone pole."
(Thanks Jo-Lene)
====================================
To subscribe to Humorous Poetry (weekly)
10658-su-@zinester.com
For Humorous Quotations (weekly)
92561-su-@zinester.com
======================================
Jest a Quote (or three) :
For humorous quotes everyday (almost) subscribe by
sending a blank mail to quote-su-@topica.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jest with Literature :
Literature is not a pain. It's fun especially when you
learn/follow it with The Doc. Subscribe by sending
a blank mail to lit-sub-@topica.com
(Please Note - This list is for Adults only)
===================================
If you have anything humorous or punny that you want
to share just send it along! Please mention the name
you'd like to sign if your entry is published and whether
you'd like your email address or site hyperlinked to your
signed name.
_______________________________________________
If you know someone who would be interested in reading
Jest for Pun! please forward this entire message to them.
Better still invite them to subscribe. Thank You!
________________________________________________
IMPORTANT ADDRESSES:
Jest for Pun site: http://www.jestforpun.com
Archives : www.topica.com/lists/pun/read
TO UNSUBSCRIBE
Send blank email message to:
pun-unsu-@topica.com
TO SUBSCRIBE
Send blank email message to:
pun-sub-@topica.com
Comments? -- write to me,
Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
|
|
 |
|
