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Jest for Pun - (F)Actually we suck !
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Gunjan
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Jul 12, 2004 20:19 PDT
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JEST FOR PUN
13th July 2004
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This stuff's so fine Julius Caesar called
for it with his dying breath.
'A toot, Brutus,' is what he said.
~ Tom Robbins in 'Still Life with Woodpecker' ~
More quotes from this hilarious book at :
http://workinghumor.com/quotes/woodpecker.shtml
^^^^^^^^^
==> Punny Thoughts ...
After last week's Bushfire pun I had a spate of
unsubscriptions. Amazingly some people even
took the trouble to write in their reason for
unsubscribing.
I am grateful to them.
There was one message however which bothered
me. It read - "Your comment on President Bush and
the firings over the Fahrenheit movie, are apparently
fabricated. No where could I find anything to substantiate
your remark."
Of course it was fabricated, just like most of the other
stories. The idea here is wordplay ... not facts! The only
time you'll find facts in Jest for Pun will be -
1) At times like these when I've just got to say something
2) In the Advertisements
3) When they've sneaked in without my knowledge.
Hope that's fine with all of you...
Best Wishes,
~ Gunjan
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When the author was on her honeymoon, her third grade class
put together a booklet they called Advice for a Happy Marriage
to present to her when she returned. In it are musings ranging
from the truly wise to the uproariously funny. Now, Dietz Crawford
shares these nuggets of wisdom with readers everywhere.
This Third Grade Advice makes a fantastic wedding gift ! ;)
http://snipurl.com/thirdgradeadvice
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==> Punny Riddle...
What did Adam say when Eve took up fortune telling ?
"I love to watch her scan-tea leaves !"
~ Gunjan
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'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
===============================
==> Punny Lessons Learnt
If you think bitter butter is better,
Well, it's not!
If your putter does patter or pitter,
Well, who's keeping score!
If your data doth er dither,
Well, then you are in trouble!
If you use letter later and land up with litter,
Well, that's much deeper trouble!!
If you fetter to look fitter not fatter,
Well, it just doesn't work!
If you mutter meter doesn't matter....
Well, it does !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~ Gunjan
==========**********O**********==========
Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does
all the talking ! Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
==========**********O**********==========
===> No Pun
On the first day of their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into
a sexy but sweet nightgown and, with great anticipation,crawled into
bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on
the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love
to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she cried,"Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I
have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?"
(Thanks tOM)
=====================
Does your Cat speak any French ?
Isn't it high time you taught him some ?
Who better to help you teach him than
Henri de la Barbe (Henry Beard) ?
Check out ... French for Cats
http://snipurl.com/catfrench
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==> Down with Punny Limericks...
It was great when we rode Top Thrill Dragster.
I don't mean to come off as a bragster.
When speeds reach one-two-oh,
My jaw drops; I say, "Whoa!"
But when Top Thrill is down, it's a drag, sir.
Watching Dragster, you see smiles and frowns
Of the people from near and far towns.
When it's running, we smile;
When it's down, frown awhile.
Riders have, like the ride, ups and downs.
"There's a seven hour wait," the gal sighed,
"To ride Dragster." A shortcut she tried.
Paid a man fifty bucks.
Didn't work; that sure sucks.
You might say she got took for a ride.
~ Kirk Miller
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Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult.
His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring
conventionality still have a penetrating power.
His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his
time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750
biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
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==> The Last Word
A man comes home to his wife, and he is chuckling. His wife
asks him what is so funny. "A limerick I heard today at work.
But I can't tell you," he says. "It's too dirty."
"Don't worry, I've heard them all," she replies.
"I really can't, it's the dirtiest limerick that I have
ever heard!"
"OK," his wife says. "How about you tell it, but substitute
the word 'beep' in the place of the really dirty words."
"Fine," he says. "Here goes:
Beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep beep,
beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep beep.
Beep-beep beep beep beep,
beep-beep beep beep beep,
beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep."
(Thanks Lane)
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Comments? -- write to me,
Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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