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Jest for Pun - How to cope with Baredom
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Gunjan
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Aug 11, 2004 19:22 PDT
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JEST FOR PUN
10th August 2004
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Fame is a communicable disease. And if you kiss
the ass of someone who's got it, you may catch it yourself.
~ P.J. O'Rourke in Modern Manners ~
More humorous quotes from this hilarious book at :
http://workinghumor.com/quotes/manners.shtml
^^^^^^^^^
==> Pun ch with Lim(e)...
Ode to my Company
It's no matter to joke and laugh,
In a month you've gown by half,
You are doing well
All is coming on swell,
Well done! My wonderful staff !
(Now reread with the title
Mr. Bobbitt's Rejuvenation Song ;)
~ Gunjan
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When the author was on her honeymoon, her third grade class
put together a booklet they called Advice for a Happy Marriage
to present to her when she returned. In it are musings ranging
from the truly wise to the uproariously funny. Now, Dietz Crawford
shares these nuggets of wisdom with readers everywhere.
This Third Grade Advice makes a fantastic wedding gift ! ;)
http://snipurl.com/thirdgradeadvice
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==> More Lims ... Please Bare with us !
If the nudist camp sounds the alarms
In response to some government harms,
Then until bitter end,
You should always defend
Constitutional right to bare arms.
~ Kirk Miller
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Old Balloo, suited but not booted,
His vociferous point he tooted,
"It is only fair,
when talking 'bout bare,
To discuss the right to be bare footed!"
~ Gunjan
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'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
===============================
==> Physic-al Pun
What is the difference between mass and weight?
Scroll on
just a little more
Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday and
weight is where sundaes go on Catholics.
Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
==========**********O**********==========
Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does
all the talking ! Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
==========**********O**********==========
===> Groooooooooooooooan !
One afternoon Mike was driving down a highway to visit a nearby
lake and relax. On his way to the lake a guy dressed in red from
head to toe, standing on the side of the highway, gestures for him
to stop.
Mike rolls down the window and asks, "How can I help you?"
"I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?"
With a smile in his face, Mike hands a sandwich to the guy in red and
drives away. Not even five minutes later, Mike comes across another
guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and
waving for him to stop.
With some irritation, Mike stops, cranks down the window, and asks,
"What can I do for you?"
"I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?"
Hardly managing to smile this time, Mike hands the guy a can of Coke,
stomps on the pedal, and takes off again. In order to make it to the
lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not stop no matter
what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this
one dressed in blue and signalling for him to stop. Reluctantly, Mike
decides to stop one last time.
He rolls down his window, and yells, "Let me guess. You're the blue
jerk of the highway, and just what do YOU want?"
"Driver's license and registration, please."
(Thanks tOM)
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Does your Cat speak any French ?
Isn't it high time you taught him some ?
Who better to help you teach him than
Henri de la Barbe (Henry Beard) ?
Check out ... French for Cats
http://snipurl.com/catfrench
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==> Not very Punny tips for men...
1. It is important to find a woman who helps at
home, who cooks a decent meal from time to time,
cleans up and has a job.
2. It is important to find a woman who can make
you laugh.
3. It is important to find a woman who you can
trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important to find a woman who is good in
bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It is very important that these four women
don't know each other.
(Thanks Jo-Lene's Daily Humor...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Daily-Humor/ )
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Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult.
His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring
conventionality still have a penetrating power.
His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his
time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750
biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
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==> The Last Word
Onestone was his name...
This was his Indian name because he had only
one testicle. After years and years of this torment
Onestone cracked and said, "If anyone calls me
Onestone again I will kill them!"
The word got around and nobody called him Onestone
any more.
Then one day a young girl forgot and said, "Good morning,
Onestone."
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the
forest, there he shagged her all day, he shagged her all
night, he shagged her all the next day, until she died from
exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant business.
Years went by until a woman returned to the village after
many years away.
She was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged
him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."
Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest
he shagged her all day, shagged her all night, shagged
her all the next day, shagged her all the next night, but
she wouldn't die!
What is the moral of the story?
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(r u ready?)
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You can't kill two birds with one stone!!
(Thanks Dianne)
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Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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