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Jest for Pun - No problem...
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Gunjan
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Sep 26, 2004 05:36 PDT
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JEST FOR PUN
26th September 2004
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There's one tiny of island that is never bothered by hurricanes.
It's called "No problem atoll."
~ GARY HALLOCK ~
^^^^^^^^^
==> Tensile Pun
The group was discussing the mistakes made
in the annual report last year and insisting that
the same mistakes were not repeated.
The chairperson first explained what had upset
her in the last report to the copywriter for this
year. She then opened the last report and
started reading out example after example ...
The institution IS affilliated to xxxxxxxxx.
It WILL not conduct xxxxxxxxxxxx
It HAS xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
No xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx SHALL be
By the 7th or 8th example yours truly could take it
no longer. He turned to the copywriter and summed
it all up - "Basically, Sheila, make sure that the
document is not 2 tense, coz we find that rather
upsetting !"
~ Gunjan
===============================
Did you know that Ogden Nash had an upper-class drawl?
Who would have guessed that Dorothy Parker, wicked and
irreverent, might have passed on the phone as the headmistress
of an exclusive girl's school?
Check out for yourself ...
Voice of the Poet, American Wits
http://snipurl.com/nashvoice
===============================
==> Pun on Shabbat ? Tsk, Tsk!
In a large Florida City, the rabbi developed quite a
reputation for his sermons; so much so that everyone
who was Jewish in the community came every Shabbat.
However, one weekend a member had to go to
Long Island for his nephew's Bar Mitzvah. But he didn't
want to miss the rabbi's sermon. So he decided to hire
a Shabbat goy to sit in the congregation and tape the
sermon so he could listen to it when he returned.
Other congregants saw what was going on, and they
also decided to hire Shabbat goys to tape the sermon
so they could play golf instead of going to shul. Within
a few weeks time there were 500 gentiles sitting in shul
taping the rabbi.
The rabbi got wise to this. The following Shabbat he,
too, hired a Shabbat goy who brought a tape recorder
to play his pre-recorded sermon to the 500 gentiles in
the congregation who dutifully recorded his words
on their machines.
Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history
of artificial insermonation.
(Thanks Lane)
===============================
'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
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===============================
===> Jurassic Pun
In days of yore, there was a king who was a
terrible tempered despot. His disposition was
partly the result of a severe case of hemorrhoids.
Historians refer to him as tyrannic soreass rex.
~ Norm
=====================
Having just read Tom Robbin's Stiil Life with Woodpecker,
the title of this book was bound to catch my eye. But
reading the reviews and "Looking Inside" made it
irrestible to share with you ...
Check out "Still Life with Bottle"
http://snipurl.com/bottle
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===> Printer Friendly Lims
Long ago, back in nineteen oh three,
About typesetters people'd agree:
They work hard and are nice,
Rarely have a bad vice.
They're a fine bunch of characters, see?
Kirk Miller
================
To meet, I propounded a motion,
Some pals, I might find on the ocean.
So on a cruise, winter's,
I met up with printers,
The liner type with the same notion.
-- Bob Dvorak
=========
She looks like my type, 'cuz I like a
Gal, bold of face, so I'll strike a
Small conversation
Sans hesitation
In cases like this I'm no pica
GARY HALLOCK
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The director, he sighed in relief
No Omar was there to cause grief
His film, you should know, man
Was set in Times Roman
And was to be shot, Sans Sherif!
Clynch
=================
He previewed his epic with pride
But critics were harsh and they cried
"The columns were Doric
Not true to historic
And totally unjustified"
GARY HALLOCK
==============
--
When into book printing I ventured
I never thought I'd end up censured
My career sure went south
When I shot off my mouth
And ran up a tab, got indentured
GARY HALLOCK
===============
A weightlifter loved himself best
"why must I, at my bench, see me less?"
Hung a mirror above
"I can watch my true love"
He's invented the vanity press!
Clynch Varnadore
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A printer named Harry N. Palz
Loved Fridays to go out and waltz.
All night on the floor,
With the girl he'd adore
Then home, fill his bath: Epson salts.
Bob Dvorak
==========
Hugh said, "My computer is dead."
"Won't print, think I'll burn it," he said
"Dad burn it? Not yet!
It's just the ink jet"
So then Hugh lit Packard instead
GARY HALLOCK
===================
Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does
all the talking ! Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
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==> Punny Origins
Two little girls, pushing their doll buggies in the park, meet
for the first time. Examining the other's doll buggy and baby,
each exclaimed, "Oh what a pretty baby and baby buggy you
have. Where did you get your baby and what did it cost?"
"My Mommy got mine at a sale at a Super K Mart store
for $32.95"
"Oh that's great! She's so pretty."
"Well, thank you. And where did you get your baby?
She's such a beautiful little doll."
"Mommy got mine at Wal Mart for $32.04, the last sale
they had."
"Well she is certainly beautiful. You must be very proud
of her."
Just then a real mommy came by with her firstborn.
Naturally the "Oh's" and "Ah's" started, and then ending
with the same question, "Where did you get your baby
and how much did he cost?"
"Well, I got my baby at the Sutter Maternity Hospital and
it cost about $5,000."
The two little girls were stunned. The group broke up,
the real mommy walked on.
Finally one of the little girls turned to the other and said,
"You know, I don't know what you think about that deal,
but if you ask me, she really got screwed!"
Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
===============================
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult.
His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring
conventionality still have a penetrating power.
His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his
time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750
biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
===============================
==> The Last Word...
When the music system in a neighborhood tavern
stopped working one Thursday, the owner called
a repair service. A technician came out. He checked
everything and told the owner, "It's the speakers. I'll take
them to the shop and have them back here for you on
Monday, good as new."
The owner said, "Monday? I can't wait that long. We do
most of our business on weekends. My customers come
here for the atmosphere. They won't buy drinks without
music!"
"Don't worry," said the techie, "I'll let you have some loaners
for the weekend." He went out to his truck and soon returned
with a big cardboard box full of personal radios, complete with earphones.
"Now, just hand one of these to each customer
when he comes in, and--"
"That's crazy!" the owner said. "Walkmans into a bar?"
~ Rephah Berg
(in Laugh Lovers - LaughLovers-@yahoogroups.com)
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Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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