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Jest for Pun - Bohring ... No Way !
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Gunjan
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Oct 06, 2004 22:41 PDT
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JEST FOR PUN
7th October 2004
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Never express yourself more clearly than you can think.
~ Niels Bohr ~
7th October 1885 - 18th November 1962
http://workinghumor.com/quotes/niels_bohr.shtml
^^^^^^^^^
==> Celebrations and Attributions
Here's an extract from Isaac Asimov's Treasury of
Humor (Jokes and Anecdotes with notes how to tell them)
To a general audience, even one that is highly educated
in humanities, Bohr must be defined - and yet he was one
the greatest physicists of all time and died no longer ago than
1962. But defining Bohr isn't that easy; if it isn't done
carefully, it will sound condescending, and even the
suspicion of condescension will cool the laugh drastically.
If you despair of getting the joke across by using Bohr,
use Einstein. Everyone has heard of Einstein and
anything can be attributed to him. Nevertheless, if you
think you can get away with using Bohr, then by all means
do so, for all things being equal, the joke will then sound
more literate and more authentic. Unlike Einstein, Bohr
hasn't been overused.
On the occasion of Bohr's birthday I bring you jokes,
anecdotes attributed to or related to Bohr, but I have
no idea how many of them are linked to Bohr by
Asimov's students. ;)
BTW, just in case you're not too sure who Bohr is,
here's a short bio on the Nobel Prize site.
http://nobelprize.org/physics/laureates/1922/bohr-bio.html
~ Gunjan
===============================
Did you know that Ogden Nash had an upper-class drawl?
Who would have guessed that Dorothy Parker, wicked and
irreverent, might have passed on the phone as the headmistress
of an exclusive girl's school?
Check out for yourself ...
Voice of the Poet, American Wits
http://snipurl.com/nashvoice
===============================
==> Dull Answers ... No Way !
During an oral exam, a professor stated: "Describe how
to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:"You tie a long piece of string to the
neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from
the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the
string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height
of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that
the student was failed.
The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was
indisputably correct, and the university appointed an
independent arbiter to decide the case.
The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but
did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To
resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in
and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal
answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with
the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased
in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running
out, to which the student replied that he had several
extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind
which to use.
On being advised to hurry up, the student replied as follows:
"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the
skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it
takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can
then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared.
But bad luck on the barometer."
"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the
barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its
shadow.Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's
shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional
arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."
"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could
tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like
a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of
the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference
in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g)."
"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it
would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the
skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."
"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it,
of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air
pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground,
and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the
height of the building."
"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise
independence of mind and apply scientific methods,
undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the
janitor's door and say to him, 'If you would like a nice
new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me
the height of this skyscraper'."
The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from
Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.
Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
===============================
'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
===============================
===> All HIS Fault ...
In the Beginning there was Aristotle,
and objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
and objects in motion tended to come to rest,
and soon everything was at rest,
and God saw that it was boring.
Then God created Newton;
objects at rest tended to remain at rest,
but objects in motion tended to remain in motion,
and energy was conserved
and momentum was conserved
and matter was conserved,
and God saw that it was conservative.
Then God created Einstein,
and everything was relative,
and fast things became short,
and straight things became curved,
and the universe was filled with inertial frames,
and God saw that it was relatively general
but some of it was especially relative.
Then God created Bohr,
and there was the Principle,
and the Principle was Quantum,
and all things were quantified,
but some things were still relative,
and God saw that it was confusing.
Then God was going to create Furgeson,
and Furgeson would have unified,
and he would have fielded a theory,
and All would have been One,
but it was the Seventh Day
and God rested,
and objects at rest tend to remain at rest.
(Author Unknown)
Thanks Dr. Stan Kegel ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
=====================
Having just read Tom Robbin's Still Life with Woodpecker,
the title of this book was bound to catch my eye. But
reading the reviews and "Looking Inside" made it
irresistible to share with you ...
Check out "Still Life with Bottle"
http://snipurl.com/bottle
===============================
===> Cross-Words ...
"One evening [the physicist George Gamow] drove up to
Bohr's country house in Tisvileleje where Bohr had been
working all day long with his assistant, Leon Blumfeld, on
an important paper concerning uncertainty relations for the electromagnetic
field. Both Bohr and Blumfeld were
completely exhausted from the day's work, and, after
dinner, Bohr suggested 'for relaxation' working on a
crossword puzzle from some British magazine. It did not
go too well and, about one hour later, Bohr suggested
that we all go to sleep.
"At some unknown hour of the night, Blumfeld and I, who
shared a guest room upstairs, were awakened by a knock
on the door. We jumped up in the darkness, crying 'What?
What's happened?' There came a muffled voice through the
door: 'It's me, Bohr. I do not mean to disturb you, but I just
want to say that the English industrial city with seven letters,
ending in ich is Ipswich!'"
===================
Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does
all the talking ! Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
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==> Where Credibility suffers ...
"I can believe," Bohr once said, "that a girl alone might
be walking on a narrow trail somewhere in the Rockies
and might lose her step, and rolling down to the precipice,
manage to grasp a tiny pine at the brink and so save herself
from inevitable death. I can also imagine that, just at that
time, a handsome cowboy might be riding the same trail,
and, noticing the accident, tie his lasso to his horse's saddle
and descend into the precipice to save the girl. But it looks
to me extremely improbable that at the same time a
cameraman would be present to record this exciting
event on film!"
===============================
Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult.
His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring
conventionality still have a penetrating power.
His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his
time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750
biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
===============================
==> Leading to the Last Word
In his later years, Niels Bohr developed a curious
method for avoiding difficult questions posed during
a colloquium or lecture: he would produce a matchbox,
apparently for the purpose of lighting his pipe. Dropped
on the floor, however, it provided a temporary distraction...
Sure enough, having retrieved it, Bohr would take another
question or redirect the discussion to safer territory.
==> The Last Word...
The following is the conclusion of the essay "Science
and Religion" by Werner Heisenberg (1927).
Niels closed the conversation with one of those stories
he liked to tell on such occasions: "One of our neighbors
in Tisvilde once fixed a horseshoe over the door to his house.
When a common friend asked him, `But are you
really superstitious? Do you honestly believe that this
horseshoe will bring you luck?' he replied, `Of course not;
but they say it works even if you don't believe in it.'"
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Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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