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Jest for Pun - Sliding Downhill
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Gunjan
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Nov 12, 2004 05:20 PST
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JEST FOR PUN
12th November 2004
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Insanity doesn't run in my family. It gallops.
~ Cary Grant ~
More Quotes on Insanity/Madness at :
http://workinghumor.com/quotes/insanity.shtml
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===> Pun with Brides
A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns
from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new
life together.
The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses
and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new
wife crying. So the husband inquires, "What's wrong, Honey?"
"Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with
a big breakfast, but I can't cook so I was afraid to start."
The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There,
there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook. Come on
up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for
breakfast." So off they went to the bedroom.
At noon the husband comes home for lunch to find his
new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now,
Sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in
here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook."
Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come
back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So
off they went to the bedroom again.
That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the
house and sees his new bride, naked, sliding down the
banister of the stairs. Then she runs up the stairs and
WHOOSH down the banister. After the third trip the
husband asks, "What are you doing, Honey?"
"Warming up your supper!" she replies.
(Thanks tOM)
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Did you know that Ogden Nash had an upper-class drawl?
Who would have guessed that Dorothy Parker, wicked and
irreverent, might have passed on the phone as the headmistress
of an exclusive girl's school?
Check out for yourself ...
Voice of the Poet, American Wits
http://snipurl.com/nashvoice
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==> Punny Rhymes
A driving date was my path to bliss
But her mean ol dad was against this
"You smooch my lil' girl,
It's the end of yer world"
Now my kinfolk mourn over my car kiss
(Guy Ben-Moshe)
Some night on the grass
if your approach is not crass
You will winsome lass.
(John S. Crosbie)
From the Archives of ... Groaners Digest
http://www.otherwhen.com/mailman/listinfo/groaners
===============================
'Great Speaking'
If you're interested in good Public Speaking Tips
and Tips on using Humor in your presentations,
I strongly recommend Tom Antion's 'Great Speaking'
newsletter. With over 1,20,000 subscribers and
fantastic fee structure (It's free) wouldn't you
say it's definitely worth a try? Check it out at
http://www.listpartners.com/cgi-local/subscribe?2606
===============================
===> Punny Sciences
A researcher here at the university is developing a whole
new field of inquiry. He has written a coital simulation
computer program that he uses to determine the various
stress factors to which prophylactics are subject. He then
hopes to use this data to develop a stronger prophylactic
that is less likely to rupture.
This new science is called condom mechanics.
~ Norm
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Having just read Tom Robbin's Still Life with Woodpecker,
the title of this book was bound to catch my eye. But
reading the reviews and "Looking Inside" made it
irresistible to share with you ...
Check out "Still Life with Bottle"
http://snipurl.com/bottle
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===> Have one on Georgie
His and Hers
It's a man's world? Perhaps it is,
But happily it occurs
That, though the planet is labeled HIS
He is labeled HERS.
Truth of the Martyr
She's given him, moans this martyred wife,
Some of the best years of her life.
And in addition, the plain truth is,
She's given him some of the worst of his.
Distaff Double
A man must ponder upon this pair
of problems a woman has to face:
She has absolutely nothing to wear,
And she hasn't an inch of closet space!
(by Georgie Starbuck Galbraith in Have One on Me)
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Normally, as you all know, Mother Goose does
all the talking ! Finally Father Gander has his say ...
http://snurl.com/frgander
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==> Oh Yes !!
A woman told a marriage counselor that her
husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is
probably well founded.
"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she
said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at
nothing, growls at his food and makes himself
comfortable on my best furniture.
(Thanks Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)
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Oscar Wilde was the master of the studied insult.
His jabs at hypocrisy, pretense, and boring
conventionality still have a penetrating power.
His snubs and put-downs became the talk of his
time, no less by his targets than by Oscar Wilde
himself. This collection features over 750
biting comments...
http://snurl.com/impwit
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==> The Last Word...
While giving a physical, the doctor noticed that his
patient's shins were covered with dark, savage bruises.
"Tell me," said the doctor, "do you play hockey or soccer?"
"Neither," said the man, "My wife and I play bridge."
(Thanks Jo-Lene's Daily Humor)
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Thanks
Gunjan
gun-@workinghumor.com
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