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Things four year olds say....
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Razzie Humour
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Aug 01, 2003 07:34 PDT
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Ever notice how a 4-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adult voices?
1. Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit
with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom
about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, apparently
scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest
bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children, and
explained that it was OK to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but
when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They
said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the
children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. Since the
plane was late, there were hundreds of other folks waiting for their
arriving passengers, also. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me,
and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I
waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with
Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became
very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned
to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could
figure out exactly who his Mom was.
2. An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her
then 4 yr. old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left
her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and
began playing with it. 'Be still, my heart,' thought my friend, 'my
daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke into the
instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
3. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and
said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I
was, but mother says I'm not."
4. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and
asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
5. A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on
the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in
church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
6. At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the
altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down
around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very
pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The girl replied almost directly
into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to
iron."
7. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands
next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a
snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair
on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
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