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Single Scene February newsletter
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Janet Jacobsen
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Jan 30, 2008 14:54 PST
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SINGLE SCENE NEWSLETTER 1-30-08 Issue 136
Copyright Single Scene 2008
http://www.azsinglescene.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Local Singles News!
** Quick Tips for Meeting People
** How “School” Valentines Can Improve Your Social Life
** Strategy for maximum mingling
** Recognizing Your Perfect Match
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Would I lie to you?
-- Who can you trust?
-- When divorce is good for you.
-- There's a new way to divorce.
** Fun Things to Do in February
~ ~ ~ ~ HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! ~ ~ ~ ~
LOCAL SINGLES NEWS
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Flocking to the Birds Nest
At the FBR Open golf tournament thru Feb. 3 (Tournament Players Club,
17020 N. Hayden Rd., Scottsdale), the attraction for area singles is not
so much the golf pros as the after-hours entertainment events called the
Birds Nest, 3:30 to 10 pm, Jan. 30 to Feb. 2. The parties feature major
local and national bands. Admission is $25. 602-870-0163.
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Singles Fair & Ball in Phoenix Saturday, February 16
The 16th annual Singles Fair and Ball will be held Saturday, February
16, 2008, sponsored by Calculated Couples. With the huge growth of the
west valley, the event has moved to a more central location: The Grand
Ballroom of the Embassy Suites Hotel, at Greenway and the I-17, in
Phoenix.
The Singles Fair, from 6 to 8pm, includes a psychic, free personal ads,
author lectures, seminars, raffles, prizes... and more! The “Second
Chance Valentine's Dance” starts at 8 pm. Admission for the entire
evening is $20; each event alone is $15. For additional information
visit cupidhelp.com.
Singles organizations, and businesses interested in the singles market,
can get exhibitor info and registration online at
cupidhelp.com/exhibitors.
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Seven Steps of Intimacy, March 8
The Franciscan Renewal Center will offer an all day program on how to
share ourselves more deeply with the people we love, on Saturday, March
8, from 9 am to 4 pm, led by Judith McHale. Fee for the program is $65,
including lunch. For information and reservations call 480-948-7460.
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Wine-tastings pour a great date
As a date idea, wine-tastings at the Valley's expanding collection of
wine bars offer the interesting combination of a relaxed atmosphere and
definite directions for conversation. Since the idea is to be sampling
wines that are new to you, there's no need for expertise -- you're there
to learn.
Tastings can be by the glass (usually 2 or 3 oz.) or with a set number
of "pours" for a specific price, which often includes "munchies" such as
a cheese plate. At the Kokopelli Winery and Bistro in Chandler a
six-flight tasting (six different wines) is $6 to sample these
Arizona-grown varieties.
Some wine bars and shops also offer free tastings. For example,
Sportsman's Fine Wines & Spirits, with four Valley locations, has free
tastings 5:30-6:30 pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
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Get timely tips on how to handle the mysteries of dating by signing up
for Harlan’s dating e-newsletter. Just send a blank e-mail to
dating_agai-@topica.com. It’s informative and it’s free!
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Quick Tips for Meeting People
Recently the "RelationTips" column in "USA Weekend" magazine gave the
following pointers for meeting people:
1. Be choosy. When it comes to friends introducing you, accept
recommendations only from those you think make good relationship choices
themselves. Also, avoid set-ups whose only qualification is being
available.
2. Be open. Don't just do what you've always done. Go new places, do
new things, try out new meeting methods.
3. Be casual. Pursue conversations rather than dates. Invite someone
for coffee just to talk. If it blossoms, fine; if not, fine.
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How “School” Valentines Can Improve Your Social Life
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to maximize meeting new people
and flirting with that interesting someone (or two) you’ve been eyeing
from afar.
All you need is a package or two of the little valentines that children
give each other!
Joy to the world!
To practice speaking to strangers and generally spreading good will,
make your major supply of valentines something with basic “good for
anyone” greetings. The package generally shows the design of each of
the cards.
Sign your first name. Seal the envelope (or fold over and seal,
depending on the valentine design).
Starting a day or two before the 14th, and right through Valentines
Day, give these out to anyone and everyone with whom you come in
contact. If you consider yourself a little shy, or you’re just out of
the habit of talking to people casually, this is terrific practice.
Getting to know you
Your “mass distribution” practice will make it easy to have a few
“special” valentines on hand to give to people you’d like to get to know
better -- maybe the clerk where you get your coffee each day, or someone
you see in the elevator and having a “nodding acquaintance” but don’t
really know.
Make it a point to hand these out on Valentine’s Day itself.
Here your hope is that the valentine will spark their interest enough
to contact you. So these you sign (first name only is still best) and
follow that with your email address. (Phone number is ok, but people
are generally more likely to respond by email.)
You can distinguish which valentines are special by drawing a little
heart on the outside or some other design that let’s you distinguish
which ones include your contact information.
(Yes, it’s ok to prepare more than one. You’re getting to know people,
not swearing undieing love.)
Good for your heart
Happily handing out valentines has a number of benefits. For one, it
feels great to do, especially if you get into the spirit of giving them
out simply to be a bright spot in other people’s day.
Another benefit is that people will now know your name and if they see
you again, they may say hello, brightening your day.
And, someone you’ve wanted to get to know better may get in touch.
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
========================================================
SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Would I lie to you?
Oh joy. As if we weren't nervous enough about trusting people these
days, now "USA Weekend" magazine reports on a Chicago-based company
which, for a fee, will come up with an "alibi" for you, as well as
supporting documentation such as fake airline receipts. The
three-year-old company reports that their customers are equally split
between men and women.
Who can you trust?
Loyola University business professor Linda Stroh thinks she can help
you sort the wheat from the chaff. Her book "Trust Rules: How to tell
the good guys from bad guys in work and life" offers signs to look for
to identify a "good guy" (or gal): The person is likely to respond in a
healthy way when things go wrong, learns from and admits mistakes,
voluntarily gives useful feedback to you when you do something wrong, is
someone you would be comfortable introducing to your family, and holds
themselves to the same standards they set for others.
STD concerns for senior singles.
Maybe we should give drugs like Viagra the credit -- or the blame --
for an increase in concern nationally regarding sexually transmitted
diseases for older Americans. A recent story in the "Los Angeles Times"
reported on an increase in programs designed to promote "safe sex" among
baby boomers and older. One issue is that older Americans are
reportedly less comfortable discussing sexual behavior with their
doctors, although some clinics now are specializing in sexual concerns
for the 60+ crowd.
You don't have to feel confident if you look confident.
People respond more positively to people who seem self-confident, says
the magazine "Quick & Simple." Looking self-confident has more to do
with how you behave than how you feel inside. To make a positive
impression, look people in the eye and smile; stand tall -- shoulders
back and back straight; have a firm handshake; walk purposefully (no
shuffling or scurrying).
When divorce is good for you.
A recently reported study by researchers at Stony Brook University
followed adults with a history of depression over a seven year period.
They found that those who were depressed at the time of a
separation/divorce and who had experienced high levels of marital stress
(which had persisted an average of three years) were five times more
likely to recover from depression compared to those who stayed in such
relationships. They also found that following a divorce, participants
were no more likely to relapse into depression than those not divorced.
The psychologists concluded that despite the popular perception of
divorce as a negative experience, it can be a positive life change for
those who see it as restoring hope, increasing one's sense of security,
or providing relief from ongoing stress.
There's a new way to divorce.
For couples seeking a split without the high cost of a high-conflict
divorce, "collaborative divorce" is now an option along with mediation
and do-it-yourself divorce. The eight-year-old International Academy of
Collaborative Professionals has 3000 members, primarily lawyers but also
other professionals such as financial planners. In mediation couples
use a single neutral party, but in collaborative divorce each party has
an attorney, but they are pledged to work to craft an outcome that is
fair to all -- what one lawyer called "an honorable peace." An
Associated Press story reports that mediation is the least expensive
professional approach (averaging $6600), collaborative divorces average
a total cost of $19,723, compared to $26,830 for negotiated settlements
between rival lawyers and $77,746 for full-scale litigation.
Quotable.
"You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think
we only use 10 percent of our hearts." Owen Wilson in the film "Wedding
Crashers."
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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Recognizing Your Perfect Match
In one area, it's better to be different
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Researchers at Villanova and Rutgers Universities have examined how our
match with our partner's personality traits influences the quality of
our relationships. Their findings suggest that your "perfect match"
might not be the best choice after all.
In an initial study, the researchers found that what college students
described as their "ideal" partner was a close match to each student's
own personality.
But how does this play in real life? In other words, do the happiest
relationships have the most similar personalities?
Two peas in a pod
To find out, the researchers studied 106 romantic couples (average age,
25) who had been in a monogamous relationship together at least a year
(average, 4 years). About 30% of the couples were married, 30%
cohabitating, and 40% in long-term dating relationships. Partner
personalities were compared in couples who were high, moderate or low in
"love and harmony."
Overall, the more similar the partners were in personality, the better
their relationship. However, compared to other couples, the happiest
couples had personalities that were more dissimilar when it comes to
dominance.
It's a win-win
Of course, this makes sense. As the researchers note, two dominant
partners would experience a lot of conflict as each tries to control the
other, and two "easy-going" partners would be frustrated by their mutual
lack of initiative.
The researchers were careful to note that in the happiest couples, each
partner was being true to their own personality; it was the
complementary nature of their actions (one happy to "call the shots" and
one happy to go along) that contributed to the success of the
relationship.
Know thyself
So what does this mean for you if you're in the market for a long-term
romance?
First, this suggests that while opposites may attract, it's the people
with similar personalities who are most likely to be happy together over
time.
Second, it means that in order to be a good judge of how complementary
the other person's personality might be, you need to have an accurate
sense of who you really are -- your own interests, needs, motivations,
and values.
This is not as easy as it sounds. How much of your thinking is
actually the product of trying to please others, of
going-along-to-get-along? It's not unusual, especially if you've been
in a long-term relationship, that what you assume are your values and
motivations are simply what mattered to you long ago without any serious
soul-searching since.
How can you recognize your "soul-mate" if you don't know what's at the
center of your own soul?
To thine own self be true
Finally, you need to not just know yourself, but be true to yourself as
well.
For too many of us, dating is a time to find "attractive" potential
partners, and then try to be what we think they want us to be. We
behave in ways that we can't realistically sustain over time ("Yes, I
LOVE the opera/football!") or squelch our true feelings ("Of course I
don't mind that your cats make me sneeze").
This is a sure formula for a miserable relationship because no matter
how successfully you think you hide it, if you're not being your self,
eventually the relationship will be an unhappy one.
This means that to find your best relationship, your first task is to
be as much your authentic self as possible. Then you'll be able to
recognize that "perfect" match who has the similarities -- and the
differences -- that count.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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CONNECTING
Strategy for maximum mingling
From the book “Dating Success - 45 Proven Pointers”
Want to maximize your chances for meeting people when you go out
dancing, whether it’s the bar scene or a singles dance? (Actually, this
applies at things like Chamber of Commerce mixers too.) Don’t sit
down.
It is much easier to approach someone who is standing than anyone
sitting.
And women who go in bunches look like the Crusaders building a
fortress; unfortunately they’re so well protected by each other that the
average guy is going to have to be three-quarters drunk to be brave
enough to attack the fort, and is that what you want?
Neither does he, which is why the gal standing alone in the crowd is
the one who gets asked.
Ok, so you don’t have to stand or wander around the entire time — you
are permitted to rest now and then — but taking root in a chair is not
going to help get you on the dance floor.
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WHY MAKE THE TYPICAL DATING MISTAKES?
“Dating Success - 45 Proven Pointers” shows you
How to connect with interesting people
How to end a relationship
Tips on using the personals
Important pointers for planning dates
How to communicate with the other sex
And more.
Order “Dating Success -- 45 Proven Pointers,” the positive, practical,
up-beat book by Dr. Janet Jacobsen, for just $10 (includes shipping and
handling) from IE Publishing, Box 9666 Dept. E, Scottsdale AZ
85252-9666. Or order at www.communicationist.com/book.htm.
Satisfaction Guaranteed!
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FUN THINGS TO DO in FEBRUARY
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Schedules are subject to change. When possible, always call ahead to
confirm.
February is the month of valentines. If you're set on making a BIG
impression, take your cue from the American Automobile Association.
Three Arizona restaurants got the top AAA award; the 5 Diamond spots are
Kai in Chandler, Mary Elaine's in Scottsdale, and The Ventana Room in
Tucson.
February is Spring in the desert, so the farmers' markets will have lots
of luscious produce to shop for -- and then go home and cook together!
For a list of local markets, visit http://arizonafarmersmarkets.com.
Hey, it's technically still winter. Embrace your inner Eskimo by going
ice skating, or at least hang out and watch. Top spot: Alltel Ice Den,
9375 E Bell Rd., Scottsdale, training center for the Coyotes hockey
team. 480-585-7465.
Fri., Feb. 1: First Fridays art gallery tour, downtown Phoenix, 6-10
pm. Free. Very popular event for singles, where about 10,000 people
stroll, look at art, see entertainment -- and each other. DASH bus
starts from Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central, Phx.
602-253-5000 ext. 1. or 602-256-7539. Year round.
Fri.-Sat., Feb. 1-2: Glendale Chocolate Affair, historic downtown
Glendale. Chocolate venders sample their wares, you can tour a
chocolate factory, and nationally known romance novelists also gather.
Free admission and free parking. 877-800-2601.
Sat., Feb. 2: Every Saturday, classic cars & motorcycles exhibited
approx. 5 to 8:30 p.m. (or later) around McDonald's at the Scottsdale
Pavilions, 9140 E. Indian Bend Road, Scottsdale. Free. 480-991-6007 or
480=443-0080. For other cruise-ins, see www.cruisinarizona.com.
Sun., Feb. 3: Super Bowl Sunday. If you're a football fan, you have
plans. If following the big game is not for you, this is a great day
for visiting almost every other venue -- museum, movie theater, Home
Depot, etc. -- because there will NOT be a crowd.
Mon., Feb. 4: Foothills Film Society monthly film series, Cactus
Shadows Fine Arts Center, 33606 N. 60th St., Scottsdale. Film "All the
King's Men," followed by discussion, coffee and cake. 7 pm. Adm. $9.
480-488-1090.
Wed., Feb. 6: Chandler Art Walk, 5 to 9 p.m., downtown Chandler, San
Marcos Place and Boston Street, between Arizona Avenue and Chandler
Blvd. 5-9 pm. 480-206-5895.
Thurs., Feb. 7: Swing lessons and dance, Wrigley Mansion Resort, 2501 E
Telewa Trail, Phoenix. Every Thursday, lessons at 7:15 pm, 8 to
midnight, deejayed music. Dress: Resort casual. $10 adm. ($15 when
live music). 602-955-4079, 602-717-2787.
Fri.-Sun., Feb. 8-10: Chinese New Year celebration, Chinese Cultural
Center, 668 N. 44th St., Phoenix. Food, entertainment. 602-275-8578.
Sat.-Sun., Feb. 9-10: VNSA Used Book Sale, Az. State Fairgrounds
Exhibit Building, 1826 W McDowell, Phoenix. THE place to mingle with
book lovers. Over 600,000 books, CDs, puzzles, videos, etc. -- cheap on
Saturday, yet again half price on Sunday. Free admission, but parking
costs. 602-265-8605.
Sun., Feb. 10: Sunday A'Fair, free afternoons of live entertainment and
arts and crafts exhibits at the Scottsdale Civic Center Mall, downtown
Scottsdale. Every Sunday thru April 6 (except Feb. 3, March 9, 16).
Info 480-994-2787.
Mon., Feb. 11: Movie Mondays, every Monday 1:30 pm, Heard Museum,
featuring the best of film making by and for Native people. 2301 N.
Central, Phoenix. Adm. $10. 602-252-8848.
Th., Feb. 14: Valentine's Day. Not the best time for a dinner date
with a new interest -- the restaurants will all be high priced and
packed with google-eyed couples.
Th.- Sun., Feb. 14-17: Tucson Gem and Mineral Show, Tucson Convention
Center, 260 S. Church. Adm. $9. Whether you love the rocks or the
pretty things made out of them, this show is for you. 520-322-5773.
Sun., Feb. 17: Adobe Mountain Railroad Museum and Desert Railroad Park,
23280 N. 43rd Ave., Phoenix. Free rides in mini-steam trains. 12-5 pm.
Free (donations appreciated). 623-386-5737. Every Sundays; closed in
summer.
Mon., Feb. 18: Presidents Day. Great day for a hike, stroll through a
park, horseback ride -- anything that gets you out and enjoying the
start of spring in the Valley.
Thurs., Feb. 20: That Thursday Thing, 6-9 pm, downtown and Murphy Park
in Glendale. Street performers, extended shopping hours. Free adm.
623-930-2299. Every third Thursday.
Fri.-Sun., Feb. 22-24: Great Fair Fine Art & Food Festival, Avenue of
the Fountains, Fountain Hills. Juried arts and crafts, food booths,
live entertainment. Free. 480-837-1654.
Sat. Feb. 23: 55th annual Parada del Sol, 10 am, Scottsdale Rd. between
Oak and Indian School. "The World's largest horse-drawn parade" is an
easy-going affair which ends with dancing and live entertainment at the
Trails End Celebration. Free. ScottsdaleJaycees.org for info.
Fri., Feb. 29: Astronomy Open House, Bateman Physical Science Bldg.,
H-wing roof (5th floor), ASU. 8-10 p.m. Free. Telescopic views.
480-965-7652. (during school year)
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Have connections to the Midwest? For the latest news, events, and
personal ads for Midwest singles, visit our website at
http://www.countrysingles.com.
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~ ~ ~ ~ HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! ~ ~ ~ ~
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