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Single Scene June newsletter
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Janet Jacobsen
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May 29, 2008 14:43 PDT
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SINGLE SCENE NEWSLETTER 5-29-08 Issue 140
Copyright Single Scene 2008
http://www.azsinglescene.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Valley Night Spots for "Grown-ups"
** 5 Ways to Improve Your Odds for Meeting Someone Wonderful
** Are you impressing others -- or irritating them?
** What Builds Commitment in a Relationship?
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Successful phone "dates."
-- Single life cuts housework for women.
-- Do you bug people?
** Fun Things to Do in June
LOCAL NEWS
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Grief Retreat and Divorce Retreat at Renewal Center
Two retreats offered at the Franciscan Renewal Center in June offer
help for people experiencing loss in relationships.
Those in grief over the death of a loved one can participate in a Grief
and Loss Retreat, Friday to Sunday, June 6-8. Led by Sheila Ringgold
Marchetta, MA, Mauro Pando, MC, and Tim Ringgold, the program will cover
the grief process and ways to heal. Enrollment is limited to 20.
Friday to Sunday, June 20-22 Judith McHale, MA, and Tom Mitchell,
Ph.D., will lead a retreat for the divorced and separated, "Doin' It
Differently." Turn past relationship experiences into life lessons
promoting insight and growth. The program provides a new look at
relationships and how to maintain a healthy self-image.
Cost for each retreat, including lodging, meals and materials, is $175
single, $135 shared. Check-in is at 5 pm Friday, with dinner at 6, and
checkout is after lunch on Sunday. For information and reservations,
call 480-948-7460.
Valley Night Spots for "Grown-ups"
Recently the "Arizona Republic" featured a list of "nightspots for
boomers." All are restaurant/bar combinations, most are "up-scale," and
some also feature dance music:
Olive & Ivy, 7135 E Camelback Rd., Scottsdale. Heavy happy hour
mingling in the bar; deejayed "new wave, electro-pop, and up-tempo
lounge music" Fridays and Saturdays.
Skye, 16844 N. Arrowhead Fountain Center Dr., Peoria. Supper-club
style; music is standards, pop hits and "piano-heavy" classic rock.
Barcelona Supper Club, 15440 Greenway-Hayden Loop, Scottsdale. Fridays
and Saturdays feature live Top 40 and hip-hop hits.
Devil's Martini North, 10825 N. Scottsdale Rd. Deejayed top 40 and pop
dance hits cater to an older crowd than the "20-somethings" at the south
Scottsdale location. Upscale dress code.
South Beach Restaurant & Lounge, 9343 E. Shea Blvd., Scottsdale. Rock
cover band on weekends.
Hurricane Bay, 4139 W. Bell Rd., Phoenix. Tropical motif, deejayed top
40 and pop dance hits.
Meanwhile, azcentral.com's "Best of '08" recently declared Eli's
American Grille, 7000 E Shea Blvd., Scottsdale, as the "Best Club for
Those 35 and Older."
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Meet me at the library.
Kids at a teens' program at the library in Chandler, Arizona, asked why
there weren't fun programs for them when they get older. So the library
created an after-hours singles night for ages 21 to 40. The free event,
from 6:30 to 8:30 pm on a Saturday, included live music, food, and a
tea-tasting.
Successful phone "dates."
Despite the inroads of email, phone calls are still an essential part
of dating. A recent article on msn.com gave the following guidelines
for a great call: 1. Give them your full attention. The sounds of tv
blaring in the background are a turn-off. 2. Ask lots of questions.
This essentially means don't dominate the conversation; show some
interest in them too. 3. Know when to hang up. If the conversation
begins to drift, don't drag it out. A polite exit line is, "Well, I
shouldn't keep you any longer. Let's talk again soon."
Single life cuts housework for women.
In 1976 women averaged 26 hours of housework a week, and men did 6. By
2005, women averaged 17 and men 13, according to a University of
Michigan study. Having a husband adds seven hours a week of housework
for women, while having a wife "saves men about an hour of housework a
week."
Do you bug people?
Recently a business publication polled readers on "What type of
co-worker bugs you the most?" You can safely bet that any of these
behaviors will be seen as equally annoying in a social setting: 3%
cited cell phone abusers, 7% inconsiderate slobs, 17% loudmouths, 27%
"kiss-up toadies," and 36% can't abide slackers. (8% said "other.")
Quotable.
"Sex and golf are two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at
them." Kevin Costner, in the movie "Tin Cup."
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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5 Ways to Improve Your Odds for Meeting Someone Wonderful
Recently "Men's Health" magazine offered pointers for meeting the love
of your life. While geared to the male perspective, they're useful for
anyone looking to develop new relationships.
1. Strike up conversations with ten strangers a day. You get over
fear of rejection and have great skills when someone truly interesting
comes along.
2. Be kind to everyone. People have friends. If they see you as a
"good guy," they'll introduce you.
3. Pretend you've already been introduced. The shift from "hunting"
to casual conversation makes everyone more comfortable.
4. Leave the office. Eat lunch outside on nice days. Stay off the
cellphone, and don't wear sunglasses, so you can make eye contact.
5. Don't interrogate. Be conversational. Share some information,
then ask. "I moved here from New York. How about you?"
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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New Devices Create New Annoyances
Are you impressing others -- or irritating them?
Think that sporting the latest electronic device makes you somehow more
appealing or cool? The recent proliferation of articles on electronic
"bad manners" suggests that before you take that gizmo into the street,
think about its effect on others.
iPod irritations
A recent Associated Press article pointed out that the "ubiquitous
iPod" can irritate others when cranked to full volume in small spaces,
such as elevators. (Plus the loud volume suggests that you either are
hard of hearing, or soon will be.)
Singing along in public places to music no one else can hear is rude
and intrusive, no matter how wonderful you may think your voice is.
Another unwelcome iPod effect is that people wearing headphones tend to
shout in conversations.
Blackberry bungles
"Pink" magazine warns that your Blackberry (or similar device) can be
ruining your relationships.
Don't take it to any table with food on it or family around it. It is
not a body appendage and does not belong in social settings. Do not
check it incessantly. Don't confuse number of emails with self-worth.
Do not take it to events involving interaction with family or friends.
In other words, don't be talking to a machine when there are real people
present to talk to. "Extraneous dialogue with this contraption in lieu
of real conversation suggests addiction."
Cellphone strategies
"USA Weekend" magazine reports that if you're talking on your phone in
public, other people can hear you -- and find you annoying. If someone
has asked you to tone it down, apologize. Being annoyed at people who
find you annoying only doubles your offense.
When dining out, "the cellphone is not a utensil and shouldn't be
placed by the water glass or given a seat at the table." If you must
take a call, excuse yourself and go outside.
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Get timely tips on how to handle the mysteries of dating by signing up
for Harlan’s dating e-newsletter. Just send a blank e-mail to
dating_agai-@topica.com. It’s informative and it’s free!
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What Builds Commitment in a Relationship?
10 indicators that the relationship matters
by Janet L. Jacobsen
So you like them, you think they like you, you think the relationship
might be going somewhere and you'd like to find out what they think, but
you don't want to frighten them off by seeming too serious too soon.
A recent University of Nevada study, reported in the "Southern
Communication Journal," found that people who see themselves as more
committed to the relationship were the most reluctant to talk about
their commitment with their partners.
But those who felt that the other person was the most committed were
also hesitant to talk about commitment, perhaps to avoid disclosing
their own feelings, or to spare their partner's feelings.
Ten indicators of commitment
Couples who matched in their levels of commitment used the following
ten methods to indicate their attachment, in rank order:
Maintaining integrity,
Providing support,
Sharing companionship,
Providing affection,
Reassuring one's commitment,
Showing respect,
Making an effort to communicate regularly,
Working on relationship problems together,
Positive atmosphere, and
Creating a future together.
Interestingly, the study didn't establish which comes first -- the
indicators of commitment, or the perceived shared attachment.
In fact, the researchers found that people who were experiencing
negative feelings in the relationship (such as aggravation, irritation,
loneliness or rejection) were less likely to offer reassurances,
communicate regularly, or plan for the future of the relationship, even
among partners with matching commitment.
This suggests that these ten actions may not be simply the result of a
mutual relationship. Instead, doing these things for each other may be
an important part of what gives us a sense of having something
meaningful together.
Necessary but not sufficient
The effect of negative emotions suggests, however, that simply doing
these things is not necessarily enough to create a committed
relationship. There are plenty of things that can undermine a
relationship, or keep it from blooming.
Still, it's hard to imagine a happy relationship that *doesn't* include
the actions mentioned in this study.
If your romances tend to stall out after the first rush of physical
attraction, give some thought to how much you offer -- and show
appreciation for -- these indicators of relationship commitment.
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WHY MAKE THE TYPICAL DATING MISTAKES?
“Dating Success - 45 Proven Pointers” shows you
How to connect with interesting people
How to end a relationship
Tips on using the personals
Important pointers for planning dates
How to communicate with the other sex
And more.
Order “Dating Success -- 45 Proven Pointers,” the positive, practical,
up-beat book by Dr. Janet Jacobsen, for just $10 (includes shipping and
handling) from IE Publishing, Box 9666 Dept. E, Scottsdale AZ
85252-9666. Or order at www.communicationist.com/book.htm.
Satisfaction Guaranteed!
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FUN THINGS TO DO in JUNE
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Schedules are subject to change. When possible, always call ahead to
confirm.
June 1 (Sun.): Summer Sundays in the Park, 7:30-9 pm,
McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park, 7301 E. Indian Bend Rd., Scottsdale.
Different band each week; bring a blanket or chair. Sundays thru July
13. Free. Train rides, $2, carousel rides, $1. Info 480-312-2312.
June 2 (Mon.): Movie Mondays, every Monday 1:30 pm, Heard Museum,
featuring the best of film making by and for Native people. 2301 N.
Central, Phoenix. Adm. $10. 602-252-8848.
June 3 (Tues.): Every Tues., free night at Phoenix Art Museum
(donations appreciated), from 3 to 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central.
602-257-1880.
June 3 (Wed.): Chandler Art Walk, first Wednesday, 5 to 9 p.m.,
downtown Chandler, San Marcos Place and Boston Street, between Arizona
Avenue and Chandler Blvd. 5-9 pm. 480-206-5895.
June 5 (Thur.): McDowell Sonoran Conservancy Summer lecture series,
Scottsdale Community College, Peridot Room, northeast of Loop 101 &
Chaparral Rd., Scottsdale. Discussions on desert flora, fauna, geology
and peoples. 6 pm Thursdays (except July 3) thru July 31.
480-998-7971, ext. 105.
June 6 (Fri.): First Fridays art gallery tour, downtown Phoenix, 6-10
pm. Free. Very popular event for singles, where about 10,000 people
stroll, look at art, see entertainment -- and each other. DASH bus
starts from Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central, Phx.
602-253-5000 ext. 1. or 602-256-7539. Year round.
First Friday Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center, 7th St. &
Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Live music, guest scientist, hors
d'oeuvres, cash bar. 7 p.m., special lecture. Free adm., plus $8 for
IMAX film or planetarium. 602-716-2000. azscience.org
June 7 (Sat.): Family Farm, Day, Tolmachoff Farms, 5726 N. 75th Ave.,
Glendale. Activities, u-pick produce, crafts, etc. 623-386-1301.
FIRST Saturday: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock
Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-?
623-374-5794.
June 7-8 (Sat.-Sun.): Folks Arts Fair, Sharlot Hall Museum, 415 W.
Gurley St., Prescott. Traditional arts, crafts, and entertainments of
central Arizona, including sheep shearing, military equipment,
blacksmithing, fiddle bands, country dancers. 928-445-3122.
June 8 (Sun.): Second Sunday, Heard Museum Community Sunday, free
admission at the three Heard locations--2301 N. Central, Phx.
(602-252-8840); 32633 N. Scottsdale Rd., Sc. (480-488-9817); 16126 N.
Civic Center Plaza, Surprise (623-344-2200).
June 12 (Thur.): Art Walk (every Thurs.), Scottsdale galleries,
5th Ave. area. 7-9 p.m. 480-990-3939.
June 14 (Sat.): Every Sat., weekly cruise-in by The Forgotten Classics
Car Club, Sonic Drive In, 7745 S. 51st Ave., Laveen. 5:30 pm.
www.forgottenclassics.com.
June 15 (Sun.): Every Sunday, Movies at the Museum: foreign,
independent, and classic films, some for mature audiences. Phoenix Art
Museum, 1625 N. Central Avenue, Phoenix. 2 pm. Museum adm. $9.
602-257-1222.
June 19 (Thurs.): SMoCA Nights: Celebrates opening of exhibit "Branded
and on Display." (Participants are encouraged to wear favorite logos
and brands.) Scottdale Museum of Contemporary Art, 9 pm to midnight,
7374 E Second St., Scts. Includes live and deejayed music,
performances, a runway fashion show, free hors d'oeuvres, cash bar. A
major mingling event for young adult singles, held three times per year.
Usually sells out, reservations recommended. $10 members, $15
nonmembers. Tickets 480-994-2787.
June 20 (Fri.): Big-band swing night, Bookman's Entertainment Exchange,
8034 N. 19th Ave. Phx. Free. 7 pm. 602-433-0255, www.bookmans.com.
June 20-22 (Fri.-Sun.): Grand Canyon State Summer Games, 34 different
sports, various Valley sport venues. For athletes of all ages and
abilities. Spectators free most locations. Info gcsg.org,
480-517-9700.
June 21 (Sat.): Every Sat., Challenger Space Center, 21170 N. 83rd
Ave., Peoria, two-hour simulated space missions, 10:30 am and 1 pm
Saturdays. $17.50 adm. 623-322-2001.
June 26 (Thur.): Swing lessons and dance, Wrigley Mansion Resort, 2501
E Telewa Trail, Phoenix. Lessons at 7:15 pm, 8 to midnight, deejayed
music. Dress: Resort casual. Every Thursday. $10 adm. ($15 when live
music). 602-955-4079, 602-717-2787.
June 30-July 5: 121st annual Rodeo and Frontier Days, Prescott Rodeo
Grounds, Prescott. Rodeos, dances, street parade on July 5.
928-445-3103.
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Have connections to the Midwest? For the latest news, events, and
personal ads for Midwest singles, visit our website at
http://www.countrysingles.com.
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