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Single Scene November newsletter
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Janet Jacobsen
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Oct 29, 2008 22:25 PST
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SINGLE SCENE NEWSLETTER 10-29-08 Issue 145
Copyright Single Scene 2008
http://www.azsinglescene.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Connect with your date!
** More love and less hassle for the holidays
** How to improve your first -- and second -- impressions
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Men and online romance
-- What's great about living alone
-- Ladies, be sure to kiss and make up
-- Find some meaning in that breakup
-- Prenuptial detectives big in India
** Fun Things to Do in November
~~~~~Exercise Your Right to Vote!~~~~~
~~~~~~HAPPY THANKSGIVING!~~~~~~
LOCAL NEWS
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SMoCA Night "Stitched" Thurs., Nov. 13
One of the big mingle and meet events of the year, "Stitched" is the
theme of this month's SMoCA Nights at the Scottsdale Museum of
Contemporary Art, 9 pm to midnight, Thursday, November 13, at 7374 E
Second St., in Scottsdale.
The event includes live and deejayed music, performances, a runway
fashion show, free hors d'oeuvres, and cash bar. The November theme is
inspired by the exhibition "Radical Lace and Subversive Knitting." This
is a major mingling event for young adult singles, held three times per
year.
SMoCA Nights usually sell out, so reservations are recommended.
Admission is $10 members, $15 nonmembers. For tickets call
480-994-2787.
Grief Retreat in December
Dec. 5-7 the Franciscan Renewal Center will sponsor a "Grief and Loss
Retreat" for those experiencing grief over the death of a loved one.
The program explains the grief process and how to heal. Facilitators
are Sheila Ringgold Marchetta, Mauro Pando, and Tim Ringgold.
The retreat begins at 5 p.m. Friday and ends with lunch on Sunday. The
fee is $185 for single occupancy, $145 for double, and includes meals,
lodging, and all materials. Enrollment is limited to 20. The Renewal
Center is located at 5802 E. Lincoln Dr. in Paradise Valley. For
information and reservations, call 480-948-7460.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Men and online romance.
Men's Health magazine reports that 1 in 16 men "finds love" through
online dating. (No word on whether they're counting first dates, or a
lifetime commitment.) But beware, ladies, they also report that one in
four guys is using an "alter-ego" (translated: pretending to be
something they're not) on social-networking sites.
What's great about living alone.
AARP magazine recently reported on four "simple truths" about living
alone and not being lonely (especially if you used to have a house full
of people): 1. You can finally hear yourself think. 2. Good
neighbors are a godsend. When you connect with your neighbors, you're
never really alone. 3. Single friends are protective friends.
Especially if they live alone too, they can understand the balance
between need for space and need for people. 4. You cherish new
opportunities.
Ladies, be sure to kiss and make up.
USA Weekend magazine reports on recent research that found that a kiss
after a quarrel lowers stress hormones in both men and women. And for
men, the same kiss raises levels of a hormone related to social bonding
and attachment. In other words, the kiss makes both of them calmer, and
also makes him feel closer.
Find some meaning in that breakup.
A University of Missouri study found that people who take time to
reflect on a traumatic experience such as a breakup are happier in the
long run than those who try to "forget about it."
Does that explain the divorce rate?
A survey by the Sheraton Hotels of 6500 professionals found that 87%
bring their PDAs (personal digital assistants such as Blackberry) into
the bedroom. 85% check it in the middle of the night. And 35% said
that if forced to choose, they'd dump the spouse and keep the PDA.
Change of location cuts wedding costs.
The average U.S. wedding costs $29,000, according to a wedding industry
publication. Recently the Associated Press reported that one method
couples are using to cut costs is to hold the event in the cheaper home
town (small town vs big city, for example). Not only can costs be lower
for the event, but guests may find local accommodations less expensive
as well.
Prenuptial detectives big in India.
The Chicago Tribune reports that as families in India turn to the
internet to search for spouses for their children, private investigators
are being hired more often to check that the potential spouse is "as
advertised." Men most often hide low-paying jobs, say investigators,
and women hide past or current affairs. An investigation costs about
$220 and the detective agency keeps tabs on the target for at least a
week, recording any "misbehavior."
Thanksgiving thoughts.
"One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly
stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating."
Singer Luciano Pavarotti.
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let
your bathrobe out." Talk show host Jay Leno
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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CONNECT WITH YOUR DATE!
7 steps to better listening
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Listening skills that can make you a better job candidate can also make
you a better date. A recent article in the Arizona Republic newspaper
suggested developing several skills for making better first (and
lasting) impressions.
1. Focus. If the moment and the person matter, then give 100% of your
attention. Ignore your cellphone. Better yet, shut it off.
2. Show that you're listening. That means body language such as eye
contact, nodding appropriately, leaning forward.
3. Observe the other person's feelings. Train yourself to absorb not
only what is said, but how the other person feels about what they're
saying. Respond to the content, but also respond to the feelings.
4. Listen without being defensive. Keep an open mind. If you're
focused on looking for slights or threats, you can miss a lot of what's
good.
5. Paraphrase. Create your own doublecheck on your understanding by
regularly saying back to the person what you think they've said to you.
The shortened version is fine: "Wow, sounds like you're really happy
with the situation."
6. Ask questions. These come in essentially two varieties: Tell me
more, and What do you mean? Use both.
7. It's a lot easier to be a good listener if you genuinely care about
people to begin with. It matters that you're interested in this one,
but it also comes through whether you like people in general.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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This year: Have more love and less hassle for the holidays
by Janet Jacobsen
Once upon a time "the holidays" started with Thanksgiving weekend. Now
stores are selling Christmas decorations even before Halloween is over.
On the one hand it makes sense because most of us have so little free
time now that we can't get everything DONE between Thanksgiving and the
New Year. But it can also draw out the pressures and expectations if we
don't take control of the situation.
Is the holiday season for you a burden and an obligation, a time to
worry and fret and feel guilty and anxious because of all you "should"
do but can't, or have to do and wish you didn't? With all our political
and economic uncertainties, this year more than ever the holidays are a
time to set priorities that have real meaning for you.
Now -- before you get swept up in obligations again -- consider:
If shopping is a trial that fills you with resentment over all the
people you "owe" a present, decide on one useful gift and give the same
thing to everyone. A book, calendar, a box of chocolates. Forget
"perfect." Think "pleasant." Better yet, think "loving."
Which would be a greater gift to people who love you -- more things, or
more time with you? Would it matter more to your children to have a
"perfect" tree -- or one hung with popcorn strands and gingerbread
shapes that all of you made together?
You don't have to bake homemade for every office party and school
event. Buy "store bought;" add your own frosting or decorations, if you
want a personal touch. If you love baking, bake! If not, don't!
Decline every invitation that takes you away from what you love. Say
"no" to anyone who tries to pressure you into projects or duties that
aren't meaningful to you.
Just say, "I'm rethinking my approach to the holidays this year." Or
"I've decided to do things differently this year." Or, "I have
different priorities this year."
Life is too short, loved ones too precious, the holidays to meaningful
to waste them on anything that doesn't add to or come from love in your
heart. This year, do it differently.
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Give the Gift of Happier Dating!
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*How to end a relationship
*Tips on using the personals
*Important pointers for planning dates
*How to communicate with the other sex
And more.
Order “Dating Success -- 45 Proven Pointers,” the positive, practical,
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Ordering in Restaurants
How to improve your first -- and second -- impressions
A great many first dates -- and certainly lots of "early" dates -- are
for lunch or dinner. Unfortunately, being nervous (as many of us are on
first dates!) can make us eat more -- or differently -- than we normally
would.
Here are some pointers to enjoy the date and the dinner, while making a
good impression.
1. Don't order what your date orders just to seem agreeable or because
you're too nervous to make a choice. If you order what they order and
then don't like it, you look like you're trying too hard. If you're
struggling with making a choice, order the special of the day or ask
your server to recommend something. Both have an air of
adventurousness.
2. Avoid restaurants that give you lots of bread or chips before the
meal. Most of us nibble when we're nervous, which means you could
consume a great deal of food before your meal even arrives.
3. Don't go to the restaurant starved. You'll be more inclined to
overeat on the bread or chips, and to order more food than you really
need.
4. Some restaurants serve very large entrees. If you aren't familiar
with the place, ask the server about the portion sizes. Avoid ordering
so much that you either wind up leaving a lot of food, which looks
wasteful, or have to carry some home, which can be awkward. If you're
uncomfortable about suggesting splitting an entree with your date, order
from the appetizer mean.
5. Dessert portions can be large as well. If you like dessert,
ask your date at the beginning of the meal if they are likely to want
dessert. If they're not having dessert, or aren't interested in
splitting something with you, consider skipping dessert yourself. It
can be awkward to eat a large dessert alone in front of your date.
6. Don't complain about the food or service unless things are really
terrible or incorrect. Then complain to your server (politely), not to
your date. "I ordered X and you've brought me Y." Complaining, but
not being willing to take action, comes across as whining.
7. Some people are comfortable with eating off each other's plates,
and some people aren't. Most people don't like to eat from other
people's silverware. If your date asks for a taste of something you're
eating, cut or spoon a portion onto their plate. This goes for dessert
as well; if you're sharing, ask for a second dessert plate.
FUN THINGS to DO in NOVEMBER
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Schedules are subject to change. When possible, always call ahead to
confirm.
Nights can get nippy in November. Still a great time for outdoor
dining, but bring a sweater. (Maybe two, in case your date is
sweater-less in Scottsdale.)
You can still see autumn leaves, which are now creeping into the
foothills and headed for the desert by late in the month. To check on
leaf conditions out of town, call the local Chamber of Commerce in the
area you want to visit, for the latest report.
Our State Fair is a great state fair – and it’s on ‘til Nov. 12, State
Fair Park, 19th Ave. & McDowell, Phoenix. Carnival, arts & crafts,
livestock shows, multiple stages of live entertainment, including the
headline shows in the Coliseum, all for the basic admission of $12. You
can get a $2 discount by buying tickets online, plus there are special
discount days and programs (see online). One of the great entertainment
bargains of the year. azstatefair.com
The Arizona Fall League baseball games are sponsored by Major League
Baseball, to test and showcase up and coming top minor league players
from both leagues. Tickets are $6 at the Scottsdale Stadium; check with
your local Spring Training stadium for their fall schedule. Season
finale is Nov. 22 at Scottsdale.
Fri.-Sun., Oct. 31-Nov. 2: Art & Wine Festival, Easy and Ho Hum
streets, Carefree. Billed as Arizona's largest wine-tasting event.
480-837-5637.
Nov. 1-30: Pumpkin Days & Fall Maze, Tolmachoff Farms, 5726 N. 75th
Ave. Admission charge. 623-386-1301.
Nov. 1-2 (Sat.-Sun.): Dia de los Muertos Celebration, Mesa Arts Center,
1 E. Main St., Mesa. Arts demonstrations, folk art and crafts, altar
contests, and educational activities. Free. 480-644-6627.
Nov. 7 (Fri.): First Fridays art gallery tour, downtown Phoenix, 6-10
pm. Free. Very popular event for singles, where about 10,000 people
stroll, look at art, see entertainment -- and each other. DASH bus
starts from Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central, Phx.
602-253-5000 ext. 1. or 602-256-7539.
Nov. 7-9 (Fri.-Sun.): 6th annual Desert Shrimp Festival, Community
Center Park, Gila Bend. Shrimp-eating contest, bobbing for shrimp,
sand-castle-building. 928-683-2255. gilabendaz.org.
Nov. 14-16 (Fri.-Sun.): Fountain Festival of Arts & Crafts, Avenue of
the Fountains, downtown Fountain Hills. Nearly 500 arts booths, with
"holiday fare." Free. 10 am to 5 pm. 480-837-1654.
29th annual Wickenburg Bluegrass Festival, Everett Bowman Rodeo
Grounds, Wickenburg. Admission charge. 800-942-5242.
Nov. 19-23 (Wed.-Sun.): Gilbert Days, various locations in Gilbert.
Rodeo, parade, carnival. 480-380-8399, gilbertdays.com.
Nov. 21-23 (Fri.-Sun.): Peoria Fall Arts & Crafts Festival, Peoria
Sports Complex, 16101 N. 83rd Ave. The emphasis is on paintings, Native
American crafts, photography, metal work, clothing and jewelry. Free.
10 a.m. to 5 p.m. 480-488-2014.
Nov. 22 (Sat.): Holiday Art & Music Festival, Mesa Arts Center, 1 E.
Main St., Mesa. Features artists' demonstrations (such as glassblowing
and metalwork) and two stages of live entertainment. Free. Opens 10
a.m. 480-644-6627.
Nov. 22-23 (Sat.-Sun.): ArtFest of Scottsdale. More than 200 artists
on the Civic Center lawn, 7380 E Second St. Free. 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
480-968-5353.
Nov. 27 (Thurs.): Thanksgiving Day Parade, downtown Fountain Hills.
More than 80 entries, including Santa. Free. 480-837-1654.
Nov. 27 to Jan. 10: Zoolights, Phoenix Zoo, Galvin Parkway, Phoenix. 6
to 10 pm. 2.5 million lights, with music and moving displays. $9.
602-273-1341.
Nov. 28-29 (Fri.-Sat.): Glendale Glitters, downtown Glendale.
Entertainment, arts & crafts, carriage rides, holiday lights. 5 to 10
p.m. Free. 623-930-2299, glendaleaz.com.
Nov. 28-30 (Fri.-Sun.): Buffalo Chip Fine Art & Craft Festival, Buffalo
Chip Saloon, 6811 E. Cave Creek Rd., Cave Creek. 120+ booths of folk
art and crafts. 602-789-7222.
Nov. 28 to Dec. 23: Las Noches de las Luminarias, Desert Botanical
Garden, Galvin Parkway, Phoenix. 7000-plus luminarias, live
entertainment throughout the garden. 5:30-9:30 pm. Adm. $20.
480-941-1225.
Nov. 29 (Sat.): APS Fantasy of Lights, Mill Avenue, Tempe. Tree
lighting, live entertainment, fireworks. Free. 480-894-8158,
downtowntempe.com.
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Have connections to the Midwest? For the latest news, events, and
personal ads for Midwest singles, visit our website at
http://www.countrysingles.com.
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