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Single Scene June newsletter
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Janet Jacobsen
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Jun 01, 2009 12:26 PDT
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SINGLE SCENE NEWSLETTER 6-1-09 Issue 152
Copyright Single Scene 2009
http://www.azsinglescene.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Relationship Loss Retreats at Renewal Center
** How to Tell if They're Lying (Maybe)
** Should You Be “Good” at Dating?
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Tips for a successful divorce.
-- Love and finance don't necessarily mix.
-- Been bowling lately?
** Fun Things to Do in June
~~Happy Father’s Day!~~~
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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LOCAL NEWS
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Relationship Loss Retreats at Renewal Center
“Rebuild, Redefine, Renew Your Life” is the theme of a weekend retreat
for the divorced and separate June 5-7 at the Franciscan Renewal Center,
5802 E. Lincoln Dr. in Scottsdale. Led by Judith McHale, M.A.Ed and Tom
Mitchell, Ph.D., the retreat will focus on taking a “new look” at
relationships, how to maintain a healthy self-image during divorce and
separation, and how to rebuild and redefine your new life.
June 12 and 14 the Franciscan Renewal Center will host a Grief and Loss
Retreat for anyone experiencing grief over the death of a loved one.
Leader Sheila Ringgold Marchetta, M.A., and Mauro Pando, M.C., will
share information on the grief process and suggested ways to heal.
Attendance at this retreat is limited to 20 people.
Each retreat begins with dinner at 6 p.m. Friday and ends with lunch on
Sunday. Cost for each is $145 (double occupancy; $185 single) and
includes meals, programs and accommodations. For information and
reservations, call 480-948-7460.
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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How to Tell if They're Lying (Maybe)
"Men's Health" magazine offers guys the following clues to tell whether
your date is telling the truth. These pointers look pretty effective
for gals too.
1. Read their lips. Saliva tends to dry up when you lie, so watch for
the person licking their lips or swallowing a lot.
2. Ask for details. Do they discuss specifics, or keep things vague?
3. Listen for flubs. Sudden changes in the voice (pitch changes, a
warble, a long pause in a sentence) reflect nervousness.
4. Find her hands. Liars tend to hide their hands, because hands
express feelings. But if they've planned the lie, they may hold their
hands deliberately still.
5. Follow her gaze. Dilated pupils (enlarging of the dark spot at the
center of the eye) can indicate a lie. Of course, it can also indicate
they find you really attractive, or that the room is dark, so be careful
about jumping to serious conclusions on just a little evidence.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Tips for a successful divorce.
"Marie Claire" magazine offered some pointers for those divorcing,
especially if you're anxious to get it over with and contemplating a
"warp-speed," do-it-yourself divorce. Things like last year's taxes can
haunt you if you don't take the time to pay attention to details.
Remember that verbal statements don't hold up in court. Sit down
together, agree on how to handle your property, and put it all in
writing. If there are children, the "quick" route usually isn't the way
to go.
Breakup benefits.
A study by Monmouth University in New Jersey found that many women
experience positive emotions after a breakup, reports "Self" magazine.
Their advice: Use that increased confidence to get back into doing
things you like, but your ex didn't.
Love and finance don't necessarily mix.
"I've seen so many women let misguided love wreck their finances," says
money guru Suze Orman, in "O" magazine. Some advice: What partners owe
before the relationship should stay separate. Property that's been in
your family should stay separate. If you're marrying, you may need an
estate attorney to help you keep family things "in the family,"
especially if you have children.
Why stopping is winning.
Actor Matthew McConaughey shared a key dating tip with "Men's Journal"
magazine. "If you ever make a move ... and you feel the slightest bit
of resistance, stop." Even if she becomes encouraging, stop. "That
time, that day, that's as far as you go." Women are so surprised, he
says, that they'll want to go out with you again. "And eventually, you
don't have to stop."
Been bowling lately?
The AMF bowling alley chain thinks it's time for a make-over, so if you
haven't been bowling lately, this might just be the date idea for you.
Some of the company's lanes now have sleek furnishings, high tech score
keeping systems, revamped kitchens with more upscale fare, and even a
"ball-and-shoe concierge" to help fit you, plus wait service should you
need a beverage or food during a game. Of course, you'll expect higher
prices with the higher glitz. If bowling alley's are upgrading, can pool
halls be far behind?
Alluring lipstick? Maybe not.
A Harris poll found that 47% of men prefer women's lips to be "natural"
-- no lipstick.
Quotable.
"I don't regret being single now. It was more important to learn to be
alone than to take a man and every day try to change him to fit my
liking!" Actress Isabella Rossellini, in "More" magazine.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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Should You Be “Good” at Dating?
10,000 hours of socializing
by Janet L. Jacobsen
Some people, especially if they are newly single, object to the idea of
becoming "good" at dating.
They don't want to be good at dating -- they want to be in another
relationship. Obviously they have a very short-sighted view of dating.
If you see dating as simply an "interview" process for your next
relationship, then it's logical that you want it to be over quickly.
You want to get past this "interruption" in your life and get back to
normal -- even if normal for you is a series of not very good
relationships.
Why do you date?
There's another much more productive -- and much more fun! -- way to
approach dating. It combines the joy of making new friends with the
adventure of going new places and doing new things. (If all that "new"
gives you the willies, this approach probably isn't for you. For
everybody else, read on!)
A few years back there was a fellow in a small town in Arizona who had
recently gone through a divorce. He concluded that he really didn't
know much about women. In fact, he found them intimidating and scary.
He was always concerned he was going to say or do the wrong thing.
So he decided that he needed to get to know women, and embarked on a
schedule of 30 dates in 30 days with 30 different women.
When asking for dates, he made his intentions very clear -- he needed
to practice dating, and he needed to understand women; he had no
expectations -- not sex, not a relationship. He just needed a date.
A whole new world
The movie of a similar theme, the tv sit-coms following the pattern?
They all followed on this man making national news after his 30 dates in
30 days.
I attended a retreat where he spoke about his experiences, and later
talked with him on the phone about it. It worked, he said. At the end
of the 30 days he felt really comfortable around women, he ENJOYED
women, he looked forward to being around women, he had women FRIENDS.
A total life change -- accomplished by dating.
Malcolm Gladwell, in his book "Outliers: The Story of Success," makes
the case that to be really expert at something, you need 10,000 hours of
practice. At 40 hours a week, that's 250 weeks, or not quite five years
of a typical work week devoting yourself to a task. (His examples
include the Beatles and Bill Gates.)
Obviously our small town Arizona guy didn't put in nearly that much
time -- and still benefited greatly! An important factor is that was
that it was not 30 dates with one women, but with 30 different women.
He discovered that women in fact are NOT all alike. He got a variety of
perspectives on how women see dating, and relationships, and the world,
and life. He found out women were actually really nice people.
Plus, he had a variety of dating experiences -- coffee, lunch, dinner,
hiking. No going to the movies for this guy -- he wanted to talk and
get to know the person on the date. Wow. What a concept.
I believe the key for him (beyond the time and the variety of women he
met) was the change in his attitude. He was dating to get to know and
understand women, and to have fun while doing it. It made all the
difference.
So why do YOU date?
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FUN THINGS to DO in June
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Schedules are subject to change. When possible, always call ahead to
confirm.
Tuesday nights several bars in the area of Scottsdale Rd. & Shea are
hosting a "tea party" -- a progressive pub crawl, each place within
close walking distance. Features include drink specials, free snacks,
and door prizes, and of course the easier mingling that such events
encourage. The evening begins at 6 p.m. at Eli's and includes Handlebar
J's.
You don't have to book a room to benefit from the fabulous discounts
many high-end Valley resorts are offering this summer. Recently the
Arizona Republic reported that T. Cook's at the Royal Palms is offering
a "tasting menu" of appetizer, entree and dessert for $40 per person
(ok, more than Applebee's but way cheap for the Royal Palms), and Hotel
Valley Ho has several weeknight dining/event bargains. (By the way, T.
Cook's was recently named "Most Romantic Restaurant" by the Arizona
Republic.) Websites don't always play up such deals, so call the resort
of your choice for their current specials.
Tues., June 2: Movie Tuesday movie discussion series, 5:30-7 p.m.
Pulliam Auditorium, Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central,
Phoenix. Free. 602-262-4636.
Wed., June 3: Chandler Art Walk, 5 to 9 p.m., downtown Chandler, San
Marcos Place and Boston Street, between Arizona Avenue and Chandler
Blvd. 5-9 pm. 480-206-5895.
Thurs., June 4: Every Thurs., Sc. Center for the Arts (including the
Sc. Museum of Contemporary Art), Civic Center Mall, is free and open til
8 p.m. 7374 E 2nd St. 480-994-ARTS.
Fri., June 5: First Friday Adults' Night Out, Arizona Science Center,
7th St. & Washington, Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. Live music, guest
scientist, hors d'oeuvres, cash bar. 7 p.m., special lecture. Free
adm., plus $8 for IMAX film or planetarium. 602-716-2000.
azscience.org
Sat., June 6: Hogs in Heat, all-you-can-eat barbecue & dance, Rock
Springs Cafe, Black Canyon City (exit 242, I-17 n. of Phx.). 4 pm-?
623-374-5794.
Sun., June 7: Free outdoor concert, McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park,
Indian Bend and Scottsdale roads, 7:30 to 9 pm. Sundays through July 5.
Different live bands each week. Info 480-312-2312.
Mon., June 8: Movie Mondays, every Monday 1:30 pm, Heard Museum,
featuring the best of film making by and for Native people. 2301 N.
Central, Phoenix. Adm. $10. 602-252-8848.
Tues, June 9: Every Tues., free night at Phoenix Art Museum (donations
appreciated), from 3 to 9 p.m. 1625 N. Central. 602-257-1880.
Thurs., June 11: Every Thurs., swing lessons and dance, Wrigley Mansion
Resort, 2501 E Telewa Trail, Phoenix. Lessons at 7:15 pm, 8 to
midnight, deejayed music. Dress: Resort casual. $10 adm. ($15 when
live music). 602-955-4079, 602-717-2787.
Fri., June 12: Music on Main, Mesa downtown district, West Main between
Robson and Center Streets. Live entertainment, artmarket, classic car
show. 6 to 10 p.m. Free. 480-890-2613.
Sun., June 14: Every Sunday, Movies at the Museum: foreign,
independent, and classic films, some for mature audiences. Phoenix Art
Museum, 1625 N. Central Avenue, Phoenix. 2 pm. Museum adm. $9.
602-257-1222.
Fri., June 19: Free admission, artists, entertainment at the Heard
Museum, 2301 N. Central Ave., Phoenix. 5:30-9 p.m. 602-252-8840.
June 29-July 5: Prescott Frontier Days and the World's Oldest Rodeo.
Info 928-445-4320.
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Have connections to the Midwest? For the latest news, events, and
personal ads for Midwest singles, visit our website at
http://www.countrysingles.com.
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