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Single Scene October newsletter
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Janet Jacobsen
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Sep 29, 2009 10:25 PDT
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SINGLE SCENE NEWSLETTER 9-29-09 Issue 156
Copyright Single Scene 2009
http://www.azsinglescene.com
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I N T H I S I S S U E:
** Divorce Recovery workshop
** Yente's 10 Commandments of Social Life
** Your Dating Prospects: It’s Not Your Job, It’s Your Attitude
** National Singles News Briefs, including
-- Never post your relationship status.
-- How to break up.
-- Most affordable "date-cities."
-- A REALLY bad date.
** Fun Things to Do in October
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Yes, this is a FREE newsletter, but remember the “dues”: helping us
spread the word. Please forward this free online publication to singles
you know! Invite them to sign up. Sharing is good.
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LOCAL NEWS
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Divorce Recovery workshop
Beginning Sept. 30, Valley Presbyterian Church, 6947 E. McDonald Dr.,
Paradise Valley, is hosting an 8-week divorce recovery workshop Wed.,
6:15-7:45 pm. Fee is $25, waived for financial need. Info, call Mary
Ulick, 480-991-6424.
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SINGLES NEWS BRIEFS
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Never post your relationship status.
"Just because Facebook offers a blank doesn't mean you need to fill it
in," says "Wired" magazine. Breaking up by posting a change is really
despicable. "A more prudent way to go: Remove the relationship status
line altogether."
Most affordable "date-cities."
Match.com has ranked the five cities where it's least expensive to
date. In order, they are Pittsburgh, Detroit, Sacramento, Phoenix, and
Indianapolis. The ranks were based on a survey of how finances impacted
dating, and comparing the cost of evening movie tickets and the average
dinner price for two at casual restaurants. Of the 25 cities ranked,
Pittsburgh was cheapest at $77.80, and Los Angeles most expensive, at
$126.06.
How to break up.
Someone driving you crazy? Here's how to break up, according to "USA
Weekend" magazine.
1. Issue a warning. Point out the offending behavior, and suggest an
alternative. "Make sure your warning is direct and straightforward."
2. Make a list of grievance, then focus on which are "deal-breakers"
for you.
3. Rehearse your breakup speech. Keep explanations short.
4. Have the talk. Let the other person air their side. Leave at the
end of the conversation.
5. Stick with your decision.
Histories of Happiness.
A "New York Times" blog called "Weekend Competition" asked for
chronologies on happiness. Karen Lyons Kalmenson wrote "The 3 rings of
marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, the suffer-ring."
A REALLY bad date.
A Detroit-area woman experienced what may be the ultimate worst first
date when the guy skipped out on the restaurant bill, and stole her car
-- a 2000 Chevy Impala. The 23-year-old man was later arrested.
Time to volunteer.
October seems to be volunteer month. "Reader's Digest" sponsors
national Make It Matter day (Oct. 3) and "USA Weekend" magazine sponsors
Make a Difference day (Oct. 24). Volunteering is an excellent way to
meet people, especially "like-minded" people if you work on a cause or
project that's important to you. And special volunteer "days" give you
the chance to work on a short-term project or try out an organization
without a big commitment.
Friends keep you healthy.
A study reported in the "Archives of Internal Medicine" followed 906
older adults for 11 years and regularly assessed their walk, grip and
balance. Researchers found that the fewer social interactions a person
had, the more rapid their loss of muscle control. The reasons for the
effect aren't clear, but the results support the benefits of hanging out
with others on a regular basis. (Having friends doesn't help if you
aren't spending time with them.)
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HELP FOR THE NEWLY SINGLE! Our singles' Internet information is
maintained solely to help newly divorced and widowed people. Newly
singled people find out about it and get help only if readers like YOU
tell them about the sites and newsletters. Next time you attend a
support group, class, seminar, singles event etc. please do both us and
them a favor by recommending and telling them about these sites,
newsletters, and courses. Remember, these services are all totally FREE.
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Yente's 10 Commandments of Social Life, or
Let's Get Real, Folks
Reprinted by permission from Single File, Grand Rapids, Michigan
1. Thou shalt know and understand that not everyone will respond to thy
advances (whether by personal ad or in person).
2. You shalt know and understand that of those who do respond to thy
advances, not everyone may want to meet with you, date you, or have a
relationship with you.
3. Thou shalt think long and hard before canceling thy personal ad
based on one or two dates.
4. Thou shalt know and understand that all women are not alike; neither
are all men.
5. Thou shalt know and understand that rejection is a natural part of
the dating process. Learn to do it with tact and to take it with class.
6. Thou shalt not seek out scapegoats to explain rejection; instead
seek the answers within yourself.
7. Thou shalt know and understand that one must meet a very large
number of people before the situation is right on both sides and
something "clicks."
8. Thou shalt know and understand that personal ads (and other similar
services, including singles groups) represent a cross-section of the
population. They are not all "winners," neither are they all "losers."
9. Thou shalt know and understand that persistence does pay.
10. Thou shalt print out this article and attach it to thy
refrigerator.
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For help in adjusting to and even enjoying single life, visit our
website at http://divorcerecovery101.com.
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Your Dating Prospects
It’s Not Your Job, It’s Your Attitude
By Harlan L. Jacobsen
Dating and good companionship have little to do with a job or money. You
can have one without the other. You can have a great job and income and
no companionship, and/or you can have friends and companionship all over
the place with no job or money.
First, let’s look at how attitudes change. It used to be you supposedly
did not want to date or marry anyone that had been divorced. Sort of an
old wives cautionary tale rule of thumb. They must have some flaw or
they would not be divorced was the reasoning.
That finally turned around when they finally realized that was not
true...... and it did abruptly turn around.
Dating someone who was single into adulthood and had never been married,
was now “suspect. ” Divorce meant you had been able to develop at least
one long term relationship. Must be something wrong with them or they
would have been married at least once by this age.
Now being laid off means you need special extra attention to HELP you
get thru the crisis. You are not some one to avoid, you are someone to
extend a little extra warmness.
Not enough money to do certain things? No problem, that’s not what’s
important.
Interested in knowing you just as a person not because of your job, etc.
They want to show that..... and will.
NOW:
Definition of the word DATE:
“A date is a contract for a shared period of time.”
It is NOT a contract to spend any money on anybody unless otherwise
specified.
“Let’s get together Tuesday at 10:00 at Murphy’s.”
“Would you like to go along and watch the hot air balloons inflate
Sunday morning at River Park?”
Again, that was not a contract for anyone to spend any money on anyone.
You might make it plain up front: I was laid off from Westfield’s in
February so I still have to watch the pennies.
Then, if you are a woman you think you cannot date and they are not
interested in you because you cannot afford a baby sitter to go out,
etc. whenever they want, then revise the thinking.
Tell them that up front. If they want some specific time you cannot work
around because of a conflict, they are welcome, if they are working, to
pick up the babysitting tab, but this is your situation right now.
You should not expect that as a rule of thumb.
You cannot be available for the time they ask for, offer optional other
times instead.
You’re available and interested but not any or all the time.
Here is how you do it.
Find another mother with about the same number and age children. Make
arrangements so that you can, with an advance notice, drop off your
children for a reason-able amount of time with their kids at their
place. Of if either of you prefer, she can bring her kids to your place
and look after both.
She accumulates hours and you repay doing exactly the same with her
kids. Result, no more insurmountable babysitting problem keeping you
from going out. Now you may have times when both want to go out at the
same time. Maybe you need two people you swap with.
Work that out, but you now see this does not need to be an
insurmountable problem.
You will likely want to continue this budget-saver arrangement even
after you go back to work.
On several of our websites, my daughter, Dr. Janet Jacobsen, has posted
columns she used to call “cheap” dates.
Thinking back, some of my most memorable dates, were “no money” dates.
Spending time together is the name of the game. Money is NOT the
decider.
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For archived articles with more tips on dating successfully, visit our
website at http://datingagain101.com.
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FUN THINGS to DO in October
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[Things change, sometimes suddenly; always check ahead to confirm times,
prices, etc.]
The cool nights are here and the cool days aren't far behind. Dinner
dates should definitely be at places with outdoor patios!
With the change in the weather we arrive at the Season of Festivals,
Fairs, and community events. VisitPhoenix.com is a good source for an
area-wide calendar of events -- date ideas to keep you out of a rut
until the weather gets hot again.
October means Octoberfests and between community events and commercial
events you could likely be "festing" every day (not that you should).
Tempe Town Lake goes beer garden Oct. 2-4, probably the only time the
popular venue features polka music.
The boys of summer become the boys of autumn at a much more affordable
price, with the opening of Arizona Fall League baseball at area baseball
stadiums, featuring up-and-coming players from both the American and
National Leagues. This is what Spring Training was before everyone
found out about it. Check with the stadium near you for schedule,
through October.
The Japanese Friendship Garden reopens Oct. 1. This 3 1/2 acre park
includes a koi pond and "peacefully flowing streams" at 1125 N. Third
Ave., Phoenix. Admission is $5. Open 10 a.m. to 3 p.m., Tues.-Sun.
Moonviewing event Oct. 3.
With Halloween on a Saturday, look for costume contests to start Friday
(30th), or earlier. Just remember, if you want to meet people of the
opposite sex, they need to be able to tell what sex you are (no full
body bear suits, in other words).
Thursdays through Nov. 5, the Desert Botanical Garden (Galvin Parkway,
Phx.) is again hosting "Spiked!" 5:30 to 8 pm, a "mix and mingle" event
with entertainment, hors d'ouevres, and "creative cocktails" (cash bar).
You must be 21 to attend, and advance reservations are recommended.
$25 adm. 480-481-8188.
Fri. Oct. 2: First Fridays art gallery tour, downtown Phoenix, 6-10
pm. Free. Very popular event for singles, where about 10,000 people
stroll, look at art, see entertainment -- and each other. DASH bus
starts from Burton Barr Central Library, 1221 N. Central, Phx.
602-253-5000 ext. 1. or 602-256-7539.
Fri., Oct. 16: Third Friday Concert in the Park, features live local
bands, 7:30 pm at the new Civic Space Park, 444 N. Central Ave.,
Phoenix. Free.
Fri., Oct. 16: Movies in the Ballpark, Goodyear Ballpark, 1933 S.
Ballpark Way, "Igor" (rated PG), 6:30 pm. Free. Info: 623-536-8185.
Fri., Oct. 16 to Sun., Nov. 8: Arizona State Fair (19th Ave. &
McDowell, Phx.) is still the entertainment bargain of the year for the
$12 admission. (Parking costs extra!) In addition to the traditional
arts and crafts and livestock exhibits, there's continuous live
entertainment on multiple stages, including national-name performers
(extra charge for prime seating). Plus carnival rides, the midway, and
all that terrific "fair food" you wouldn't eat any other time of year.
Talk about a great date! Info 602-252-6771.
Sat., Oct. 24: Silent Sundays features classic silent films with live
theater organ music. 7 pm organ concert, movie at 7:30 p.m., Lon Chaney
in "Phantom of the Opera." Orpheum Theater, 203 W. Adams St., Phoenix.
Adm. $15. www.silentsundays.info.
Sat.-Sun., Oct. 24-25: Boo at the Zoo (Galvin Parkway, Phx.), parade
and other special activities 9 am to 4 pm, with lots of "cute kids in
costume" watching. Regular zoo admission price.
Heritage Days, Heritage Park, 809 N. First St., Buckeye. Antique
tractor pull and parade, pumpkin patch, arts & crafts. Free.
623-349-6602.
Fri., Oct. 30: Astronomy Open House, Bateman Physical Science Bldg.,
H-wing roof (5th floor), ASU. 8-10 p.m. Free. Telescopic views.
480-965-7652.
Fri.-Sat., Oct. 30-31: Howl-o-Ween, Phoenix Zoo, 6:30-9:30 pm. New
this year, the zoo's "skeleton crew" creates a more grown-up "haunting"
event, with music, ghost stories, outdoor movies, and trick-or-treating.
Wear a costume! Nonmember adm. $8.
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Have connections to the Midwest? For the latest news, events, and
personal ads for Midwest singles, visit our website at
http://www.countrysingles.com.
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