|
10-26-09 (Tantrum Lessons)
|
Stephanie McIver
|
Oct 26, 2009 14:18 PST
|
Steph’s Stuff
10-26-09
(Tantrum Lessons)
I called my daughter this morning to see what was new in her life. As
soon as she answered the phone, the tone of her voice told me that it
was not a good morning.
“Hello?” she said testily. “What’s up?” I could hear screaming in the
background. I was glad that I was hearing that screaming through the
tiny speaker of my cell phone and not full volume in my ear. The voice
that was responsible for that screaming, to my amazement, was my little
ANGEL, Ruby! What on EARTH had she done to this cherub to make her
scream like that?
“What’s going on THERE?!”
“Ruby is having a meltdown! She keeps saying “I WANT IT! I WANT IT!”
And then when I give her what she says she wants, she throws it on the
floor and says, “I DON’T WANT IT!” I remember when LILY went through
this phase. I’d forgotten how BAD it is! I want to move to
Antarctica—ALONE!!”
I had a flashback memory of another young child throwing a tantrum—oh
about thirty years ago…and I smiled. Generational tantrums. The apple
has not fallen far from the tree. Oh sweet payback time! Then I had
another memory. My own mom, giving unsolicited, unwanted advice on the
proper discipline of MY child. So I bit my tongue and didn’t remind her
that I had gone through the same stuff with her. I dove deep into the
‘Grandma files’ and told her to make sure that the tantrum thrower was
safe, not react to any new requests—and wait it out. “Your reaction to
her will determine how long it will go on.” I said cautiously. “I
know.” She said it with resignation. Tantrums are part of the three
year old experience. They aren’t fun, but they do eventually pass—and
in remaining calm and in control, they also learn a subtle lesson about
being a grown up. You pass on the lessons you learn at that age. I
wish I had been more mature when I dealt with them when she was a
toddler. I had learned the lessons slowly and painfully in the
intervening years—and I learned that it took time, not an older member
of the family jumping in and trying to rescue. I remembered how I
felt—and did not want to pass those feelings on to my daughter. I do
respect what she is trying to do—and I know she cares deeply about her
children. By encouraging and not putting her down, she will hear my
gentle advice much more clearly than if I put her on the defensive.
I also saw myself in those very tantrums. “GIVE ME WHAT I WANT! AND I
WANT IT---NOW!!!” I see God smiling. “You want that? Okay, here it
is. You’re not ready for it. You WON’T like it-but here you go, okay?”
“NO! NO! That’s not what I want! NOW I want THIS! Or THAT! GIVE ME
WHAT I WANT RIGHT NOW—BUT I can’t tell You what it is because I don’t
even know myself.”
Fortunately, He DOES know. Not only does He know, He knows when I can
be grown up enough to handle whatever I’m asking for—and it will NOT be
when I’m in the middle of a tantrum. Looking back, in retrospect, I can
see His gentle wisdom. He made sure I was safe. He made sure my basic
needs were met—but if what I was asking for was beyond my abilities, He
held out—in love and patience. He knew the tantrum would pass—and if I
was paying attention to how He reacted to my drama, I soon learned that
the mode of ‘request’ I was using didn’t fly—ever.
Like Ruby, I needed the firm but gentle hand of One wiser, One who would
say, “I hear you. I love you. I am not going to ignore you, but you
will get what you ask for when you can be SURE it IS what you want—and
you can also be sure that you can care for and maintain the privilege of
that blessing. Pay attention, little one. I am wiser and I know best.
When you’re done screaming, you will realize that, calm down and listen
to reason,”
I smile ruefully as I remember all my three year old tantrums. They
lasted way past their expiration date—but He still loves me. He still
makes sure I’m safe—and He tells Himself with assuredness: “This too
shall pass.”
“No prolonged infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in
the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants
us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ
in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of
everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath
and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy
in God, robust in love.” Ephesians 4:14 (MSG)
How old are you today? Still throwing tantrums? Maybe the key that
will bring you the desires of your heart will finally come when you
start to act like a grownup.
Fondly,
Stephanie
|
|
 |
|
