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10-30-09 (I Understand)
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Stephanie McIver
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Oct 30, 2009 13:34 PST
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Steph’s Stuff
10-30-09
(I Understand)
One of the deepest desires of our hearts is to be understood. One of
the deepest frustrations in life is when we are misunderstood.
Understanding is a crucial element of any relationship—and the closer
the relationship, the more effort we should put into understanding one
another. Nothing is more bonding or affirming than to have someone say,
“I understand.” If they can then demonstrate that they truly DO
understand, the relationship grows in trust and maturity.
Many times, relationships die when they should have survived. They die
because of misunderstandings that were magnified out of proportion.
Hurt and fear and revenge came into play. Those painful elements can
cause people to retreat and hide behind the misconceptions when they
should be fighting to resolve the issue—“This is someone I have loved!
I know better than to truly believe that they would deliberately set out
to hurt me. There is something wrong here and I have to be brave enough
to step forward in faith and good will—make the first move, no matter
how difficult it is—or even how much I KNOW that I’m not the one who
caused it!” Grace doesn’t keep score. It is amazing, just like the
song says, because it bypasses the petty insecurities of human nature.
“Counsel in the heart of man is like water in a deep well, but a man of
understanding draws it out.” Proverbs 20:5 (AMP)
There are those in our lives who frustrate us—why do they act like that?
Don’t they see what they’re doing to our hearts? Don’t they see how
they are destroying something fragile and precious? Sometimes it takes
deep digging to draw out the true motives of one’s heart—the person may
not even understand their own motives.
I have known the frustration, many times, of being misunderstood. My
motives were judged, based on the preconceived (and distorted) view of
the person judging them, with disastrous results. Sometimes, I have
been able to save or restore those relationships, if I spent enough time
asking God to reveal WHY they went awry—He is always good to give me
insights into that—but sometimes, in spite of the insight, repair isn’t
possible—at least not at the time I make the effort. Or maybe my own
pride and fear keeps me from MAKING the effort. I do fail, miserably,
in some situations. There is just too much pain for me to make that
first move, even though I know it is the only way. And sometimes I have
made that first painful move, only to be rejected again, which is a
vicious cycle, because then more pain and fear and rejection scar tissue
is formed.
The longer I live, the more I realize that we need to choose our battles
carefully. We need to learn and expand on our forgiveness skills. We
need to extend grace, whether it is reciprocated or not. How many times
my load has been lightened when I just let something go—and gave it,
truly and permanently to God. He has been gracious to show me those
times—and see the outcome—which is always His miraculous plan being
played out, in spite of me. And it is incredibly freeing to lay those
things down and never pick them up again.
I wish I had a fool-proof formula to give you here on how to do that.
I’m not sure if there is a common denominator—but I do know it is much
easier to see in the lives around you than in your own life.
Understanding comes when you make an effort. It comes when you commit
to caring, truly caring enough to work at relationships. Relationships
take time and time is valuable. When you give of value, you receive it
in return—and nothing is more valuable than the loved ones in your life,
right now. Make time, today, to examine where your understanding needs
to be upgraded to the next level. Take a deep breath and ASK if there
is something you can do to understand who they are—and you will be
rewarded with the knowledge of that soul He has put in your life—on
purpose. Ask Him to give you the eyes of compassion that come with that
newfound understanding and breathe in the grace of restored, mature and
TRUE love that mirrors that He gives us—because of His complete and
utter understanding of His children.
I read this quote a few days ago:
“To those whose lives we touch in life,
To whom our love we would impart,
The greatest gift that we can give
May be an understanding heart.” Branon
Don’t you want to give that gift—and receive it yourself? It is within
your grasp. Ask Him.
Fondly,
Stephanie
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