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ChuckelsNoSmut-Goreisms  tomjoh-@msn.com
 Oct 12, 2000 18:35 PDT 

This is your ChuckelsNoSmut for 10/12/2000.

I will never send jokes you cannot tell in church.

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The below was sent to me by Ted Annibal.

Thanks, Ted.


To keep everybody informed about the issues in the Presidential race

Good afternoon. I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to tell you about myself. I
know a lot about hardship, because I came into this world as a poor
black child in a tiny town in the backwoods of Tennessee. I was born in
a log cabin that I built with my own hands. I taught myself to read by
candlelight and helped support my 16 brothers and sisters by working
summers as a deck hand on a Mississippi River steamboat. My mother taught
me the value of education, so every day, I would walk 5 miles to
a one-room schoolhouse. I was a mischievous, fun loving scamp, though
I never dreamed that one day, my youthful escapades would serve as the
inspiration for "Huckleberry Finn."

Back then, black folks in the south were second-class citizens. One
day, a traveling minister came through town, and I asked him if anyone was
ever going to do something to guarantee civil rights for all Americans.
Well, I guess I made an impression. You see, the minister's name was
Martin Luther King, Jr.

My father was a United States Senator. He once perched me on his knee
and said, "Son, if you work hard and listen to your mama, someday you
can live in a hotel in Washington, D.C., and go to an exclusive prep
school." But a life of privilege was not for me. After getting my high
school diploma, I took a job in a hot, dirty textile mill. I was so
appalled at the treatment of the workers there that I organized a
union. Later, that experience inspired a movie - which is why, to this=
day, my
close friends at the AFL-CIO call me "Norma Rae."

When word got out what an 18-year-old factory worker had done, Harvard
called and offered me a scholarship. I captained the hockey team to
four consecutive national championships, but I also played football and was
good enough to win the Heisman Trophy. During my college years, I lived
in a housing project and moonlighted playing lead guitar for a little
rock band. You may have heard of it--the Rolling Stones. But there was a
war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country. So I enlisted in
the U.S. Army and went to Vietnam. I was deeply opposed to the war, but I
did my duty as a soldier and came back home with the Medal of Honor and
the Croix de Guerre.

When I got back, I took a long journey across this great land of ours.
I've crossed the deserts bare, man, I've breathed the mountain air,
man, I've traveled, done my share, man, I've been everywhere. And the
people I met at truck stops and campgrounds and homeless shelters on
that journey all said the same thing: "Al, we need you in Washington." I
knew they were right, but first I had to take care of some other
business---building the World Trade Center, founding the Audubon
Society, doing the clinical research that proved smoking caused cancer,
and coming up with the recipe for Mrs. Field's chocolate chip cookies.

Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Tennessee and
allowed them to elect me to the House of Representatives and the
Senate. And then one winter day nearly nine years ago, for no particular
reason, I answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of
office as Vice President of the United States.

Since then, I've been part of the most successful administration in
American history. Many times Bill Clinton had been pondering some grave
decision and asked me what to do. And when I would share my thoughts
with him, he would invariably say, "Of course. That's brilliant. Why
didn't I think of that?" During the darkest days of the impeachment
battle, the president told me he only wished he had listened when I
told him to stay away from that dark-haired intern. So after I decided to
run for president, I sat down with him and asked if he had any suggestions
about how to conduct my campaign. And Bill Clinton gave me a few simple
words of advice - words I'll never forget. He looked me in the eye and he
said, "Al, just tell the truth, it's always worked for me."


There are a lot of folks that can't understand how we ran out of oil
here in the U.S.A.. Well, here's the answer, it's simple--- nobody
bothered to check the oil. They didn't know that we were getting low
&> of course, the reason for that is geographical. All the oil is in
Texas, Oklahoma & Alaska & all the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

Thanks Loraine Dale

Til next time,

Maybe even tomorrow.


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