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Sunday Edition
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Pat L
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Mar 09, 2008 14:02 PST
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IMPORTANT: Due to lack of support for Topica's free group lists and
lack of new subscribers (which I also think is a Topica problem) I am
most likely going to move this list over to Yahoogroups. I have used
them in the past. It's not my first choice, but I am concerned that one
day Topica may shut down this service and along with it, this list. I
am also looking into msngroups as well.
If anyone has had dealings with msngroups, can you drop me a line at
vaxh-@hotmail.com and let me know what you think about them. Thanks!
I will let you know what I am doing sometime this week.
~Pat
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Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Signs You're Watching A Bad Monster Movie
10. Monster comes to New York takes in a matinee of "Jersey Boys" and
leaves
9. He doesn't eat people he just licks them
8. It's two hours of the creature writing his bucket list
7. It tortures people by showing slides from his trip to the Poconos
6. The monster shows up and FEMA doesn't send help for three days
5. It's entitled "Phantom of the Oprah"
4. The beast with a disfigured face? Joan Rivers
3. Monster's main tactic is to refuse to negotiate with the Writers
Guild
2. Werewolf looks like this (photo: Dave with beard)
1. After taunting city for hours, tearful monster is led away by Dr.
Phil
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Gotten a Good Joke Lately? Send It In!
vaxh-@hotmail.com
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Late Night
Not such a great day for John McCain. It turns out he might not be able
to run for president because he was born outside of America. I think
this is unfair! When John McCain was born, America hadn’t been
discovered yet.
~Craig Ferguson
Today is Leap Day. They have Leap Day so we have one day longer to
squeeze in another episode of “American Idol.”
~Jimmy Kimmel
The movie “Panic Room 2” is now in development. The whole thing is going
to be filmed at Hillary Clinton’s campaign headquarters.
~Jay Leno
Everyone is so concerned where all the candidates are born. McCain was
born on a military base in the Panama Canal Zone. Hillary was born
outside Chicago. And if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in
a manger.
~Jay Leno
Today is Leap Day. Leap Day comes every four years, but it really
doesn’t mean anything. Like Ralph Nader running for president, it just
doesn’t mean anything.
~David Letterman
Los Angeles’ tap water was voted the tastiest in the United States.
Fine. I like New York City tap water. I like that you can blow the head
off it.
~David Letterman
Katie Holmes may be pregnant! That’s the scuttlebutt around Hollywood.
Tom Cruise says he wants a boy. He doesn’t care what sex the baby is . .
. he really wants a boy.
~Craig Ferguson
The Olsen twins are now authors! They have written a coffee table book.
They can’t lift it, but they wrote it.
~Craig Ferguson
This is interesting. There was a report that the Hell’s Angels were
going to kill Mick Jagger in 1969. No one knows that the Hell’s Angels
actually killed Keith Richards in 1980.
~Craig Ferguson
There is a building in New York City that is keeping loiterers away by
using a device that plays annoying, high-pitched screeching sounds. It’s
called “The View.”
~Craig Ferguson
Primary Day today. It looks like John McCain has clinched the Republican
nomination. He was very excited when they woke him up to tell him.
~Craig Ferguson
Big scandal at "American Idol." It turns out one of the contestants
worked as a nude male stripper. He used to give lap dances to men. And
they’re letting him stay on the show — apparently he is Ryan Seacrest’s
new personal assistant.
~Craig Ferguson
Barbara Walters’ “Royal Family Special“got the best ratings for "20/20"
in years, since they had the Michael Jackson special five years ago.
Michael Jackson and the Queen of England are actually very similar. He
is the King of Pop, she is the Queen of England, and they are both old
white women.
~Craig Ferguson
There have been charges of foul play. Obama has accused Clinton of
smearing him by saying he is a Muslim or Muslim sympathizer; Clinton has
accused Obama or his people of trying to dump a bucket of water on her
to make her melt.
~Jimmy Kimmel
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TNT PLAYROOMZ-NASTY
Pushing the envelope.
That's what we do here at TNT Playroomz NASTY!!!
Just when you think it's as NASTY as it can be...
We get NASTIER!!!
Always a contest for you to share your vote.
Jokes, toons and pics that go to the extreme until...
well, until we find something even more revolting and NASTY!
Subscribe below.....and share us with your NASTY friends.
Subscribe: TNT_Playroomz-N-@yahoogroups.com
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I almost took someone's coffee, and they accused me of 'mugging' them.
Coffee can cause a latte problems, like heated and strong discussions.
Sometimes there are grounds for complaint. But it has its perks too.
It's good for its sedimental value.
*****
Wonder Bra has come up with a chocolate bra. They are using Godiva
chocolate. Milk chocolate? That gives new meaning to being invited in
for a snack.
*****
An old farmer was walking past a neighbors farm one day when he
noticed him in the process of digging a very large and deep hole.
"What are you doing?" the farmer asked. "I'm burying my faithful old
plow mule" replied the neighbor. The farmer bid his neighbor adieu and
turned away shaking his head, muttering quietly to himself "Man, what an
ass hole."
~thanks to Stan Kegel
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TNT PLAYROOMZ
FUN AND GAMEZ
Tossing a frisbee.
Hiding your friends clothes when you caught them skinny-dipping.
Tossing your marbles 'cuz you had to have the biggest and prettiest one.
Reading your sisters diary hoping to get caught... just'cuz it was
fun!!!!!!
The good old days!!!
Join us for some Funny stories and Great gamez
Nothin' but FUN!!!!!
TNT_Playroomz-Funa-@yahoogroups.com
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A blonde and her girlfriend went to the beach for the day. As they
wandered up and down the shoreline in their bikinis the girlfriend
began to notice that the blonde seemed to be having some difficulty
walking. The girlfriend finally said, “Did you hurt your leg or
something? You’re walking very strangely.” The blonde replied, “I have
a big date tonight and I’ve got curlers in my hair.”
~thanks to www.lefturn.wordpress.com
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Check out my web page for more fun! Fun Pix & Cartoons!
http://keboch.wordpress.com
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A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her
Stammerers Action group. She had tried every technique in the book
without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she
said “If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were
born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you
until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first
?”
The Englishman piped up. “B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham”, he said.
“That’s no use, Trevor” said the speech therapist, “Who’s next ?”
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out “P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley”.
“That’s no better. There’ll be no sex for you, I’m afraid, Hamish. How
about you, Paddy ?”
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out “London”.
“Brilliant, Paddy” said the speech therapist and immediately set about
living up to her promise.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for
breath and Paddy said “-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry”.
~thanks to garythexton
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This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his
new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic
Village.
Once she's inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they
rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic
achievement. After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse
back on the bed in exhaustion.
The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light.
His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp
glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her.
She's really pleased to have met this guy.
At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed.
He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a
small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp.
Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly
energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and
beating his chest like a gorilla.
Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat
performance.
The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second
encounter.
Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous
exhaustion!
After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position,
the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another
shot of the mysterious liquid.
Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his
chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN.
The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the
same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can't properly see
what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she
sure likes the effect!
More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking
ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on
her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself.
"Just a minute, big boy," she whispers to the panting bald-headed
Aussie, "I think I need to try some of your tonic!"
She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid.
She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it
just tastes like Coca-Cola.
Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed
- only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the
Australian relay team.
~thanks to tem3_num
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A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up
behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
'What was that for?' he asked.
'That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name
Laura Lou written on it,' she replied.
'Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one
of the horses I bet on,' he explained.
'Oh honey, I'm sorry,' she said. 'I should have known there was a good
explanation.'
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up
and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which
knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, 'What the hell was that for?'
She replied, 'Your horse called.'
~thanks to RSommers
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A radio station was running a contest with a trip to Hawaii as the
prize, The object was to submit a word that could be used in a sentence
but could not be defined by the judges. A caller submitted aga. the host
declared they could find no such word and asked him to use it in a
sentence. He replied "aga fuck yourself."
The station went still momentarily then resumed and the same question
was asked again and the caller said "smee" again the word could not be
found so he was asked to use it in a sentence He said "smee again go
fuck yourself"
~thanks to The Earl of Bodfish
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A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports
car when something goes wrong and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens
to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the
door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "It's Sunday night and
my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the
night until tomorrow when I can get some help?"
"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you
messin' with my sons Jed and Luke."
She looks through the screen door and sees two men standing behind
the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay," she
says.
After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to get a
little horny just thinking about the two boys in the room next to her.
So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like
for me to teach you the ways of the world?"
They say, "Huh?"
She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you
have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three
of them go it all night long.
Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch,
rocking back and forth. Jed says, "Luke?"
Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"
Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about
forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"
"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."
"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.
"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."
"Me neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."
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A very large, old building was being torn down in Chicago to make
room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other
buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor
by floor.
While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a
skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They
decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and
showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They
said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important."
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it
any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the
police station and said,
"We're the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we
want to know if it really was Jimmy Hoffa."
The cop said, " Well, it wasn't Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody
kind of important."
"Well, who was it?"
"The 1956 Polish National Hide-and-Seek Champion!"
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An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of
his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had
happened. He replied, "They worked this gadget into my artery and
up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of
chocolate cake."
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Xtreme Parting Thought
If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
That’s a wrap…exit, stage left.
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