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Wednesday Edition
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Pat L
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Mar 12, 2008 17:23 PST
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Well, I have decided that we will be going with YahooGroups.
I will be sending out a separate email about this in the next couple
days.
~Pat
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Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Messages Left On Eliot Spitzer's Answering Machine
10. Hey, what's new?
9. It's Barack Obama. Remember our conversation about being my running
mate? Never mind.
8. Ralph Nader here, glad to hear I'm not the only politician who has to
pay for it
7. I'm calling from the New York Post. Would you rather be known as
"Disgraced Gov. Perv," or "Humiliated Whore Fiend"?
6. This is John McCain, if it makes you feel better, I once got caught
having sex with Lincoln's wife
5. It's Dr. Phil, call me if you need any horses*** advice
4. This is Sen. Larry Craig. Do you ever go through the Minneapolis
airport?
3. It's Wolf Blitzer. Call me if you ever want a hot Spitzer-Blitzer
three-way
2. Paris Hilton here. I would have done it for free
1. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks, I'm no longer America's creepiest
governor
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Gotten a Good Joke Lately? Send It In!
vaxh-@hotmail.com
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Late Night
John McCain won the Republican nomination. He was awarded with a trip to
the White House. Mike Huckabee dropped out and was awarded a hunting
trip with Dick Cheney.
~Craig Ferguson
Hillary Clinton won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and
Texas. A lot of people thought she would be done today; this would be
it. But like Bill always says, “Hillary does not go down without a
fight.”
~Jimmy Kimmel
Once a year Forbes makes a list of the world’s richest bastards — then
rubs our faces in it.
~Craig Ferguson
Hillary Clinton did very well this week. The Clintons say they’re a lot
closer to getting back in the White House. Which Bill is very excited
about so he can get these magazines he left under the mattress.
~Craig Ferguson
Ron Paul says he is winding down his campaign. His supporter is
devastated.
~Jimmy Kimmel
He says he wants to spend more time with Mrs. Paul, who makes delicious
packaged seafood.
~Jimmy Kimmel
Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John McCain have all said that they
are the person who should answer the phone at the White House if it
rings at 3 a.m. Meanwhile, most Americans think that the White House
should just get a receptionist.
~Conan O’Brien
John McCain announced he’s going to take a trip to Iraq. Which might be
a bad idea, because the last time McCain went to a war zone, we didn’t
hear from him for five years.
~Conan O’Brien
New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer has admitted that he has been involved in a
prostitution ring. This is the same man who when he was attorney general
went after the prostitution rings. So apparently for not giving him good
service . . .
~Jay Leno
This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to a governor since Arnold
Schwarzenegger did “Kindergarten Cop.”
~Jay Leno
That shows you how the whole world is backwards. I mean you’ve got
Democrats, who are supposed to be poor, paying $5,000 an hour for sex,
and you’ve got Republicans, who are supposed to be rich, cruising
airport bathrooms trying to get it for free.
~Jay Leno
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TNT PLAYROOMZ
TRIVIA
Give your brain some exercise!! And put your name in lights too!!
Sundays we will post 20 questions....
Music, movies, sex, animals, food, more sex...... anything and
everything!!
Send in your answers and come Saturday ALL of our players are STARS!!
That gives us a whole week to play!!
So join us and let TNT PLAYROOMZ STARS SHINE!!!!!
TNT_Playroomz-T-@yahoogroups.com
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There were five constipated men in the bible. The first constipated
man was Cain, who was not Abel. The second constipated man was Moses,
who took two tablets. The third constipated man was Balaam, who had a
stubborn ass. The fourth constipated man was Samson, who brought the
house down. The fifth constipated man was David, who sat for forty
years.
*****
A generously endowed young lady at college often got teased by her
sorority sisters for being so top-heavy. At a fraternity party, a
young man asked her what she would like to drink. "Diet soda, please,"
she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D." he said. The girl was
furious, wondering which of her so-called friends had divulged such
personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped.
Surprised at her angry response, the young man meekly answered, "Oh, you
know -- the Designated Driver."
*****
During court one day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note
reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone."
Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help before whispering to
the judge that paramedics were on their way. Puzzled, the judge
pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the room and
explained, "I was thinking someone from maintenance!"
~thanks to Stan Kegel
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):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)
Rotten Jokes (rated X)
these jokes are so ROTTEN YOU DON'T want your mother to read them!
rotten_joke-@yahoogroups.com
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!
):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)
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A woman walks into an accountant’s office and tells him that she needs
to file her taxes. The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to
ask you a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security
number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?” “I’m a whore,”
she says. The accountant is somewhat taken back and says, “No, No, No,
that won’t work. Let’s try to rephrase that” The woman says, “OK, I’m a
high-end call girl”. “No, that still won’t work. Try again.” They both
think for a moment and the woman says, “I’m an elite chicken farmer.”
The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a
prostitute? “Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year.”
“Chicken Farmer it is.”
~thanks to www.lefturn.wordpress.com
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Check out my web page for more fun! Adding new stuff daily!
http://keboch.wordpress.com
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A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the
subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that.
My husband and I have a great relationship,"
the wife explained.
"He was a communications major in college and I
majored in theatre arts.
He communicates real well and I just act like
I'm listening."
~thanks to garythexton
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This guy is sitting at a bar having a few wobbly-pops and suddenly
gets this feeling that he has to go make an urgent call to the potty.
So he goes into the bathroom and sees this really short guy taking a
piss. He takes the stall next to this short guy, and while taking a
piss the guy happens to look over at the little guy and by accident
sees his dick. He just can't help saying to the guy, "Man, that is a
big dick! I wish that I had a dick that big!" "Well" says the little
guy, "I'm leprechaun and I can grant you one wish, and all you have to
do is suck on me wang!" In horror of the thought the man exclaims, "I
don't think so you little faggot, even for a dick that size!" "Fine
then" says the leprechaun. But after a minute of thinking the man says,
"Alright. I'll do it." So the man starts to suck the leprechaun's dick
and when he is finished he says, "I can't believe that I am going to
have a dick that big!" And the little guy says, "I can't believe you
thought I was a leprechaun!"
~thanks to tem3_num
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Maxine took her car to her mechanic.
She told him 'Every time I
Take any of my friends out in my car,
After a while there is this terrible smell !!
It never happens when I am driving alone'??
This intrigued the mechanic, so he said,
'OK, lets go for a spin
And see what the problem is.' Off they went.
She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction at 70 MPH,
swerving, hitting the curb on both sides of the street, narrowly missed
three pedestrians in pedestrian crossings, ran several red lights, and
just missed a Policeman on street traffic duty.
Then, they returned to the shop, and she said, 'There it is
now...there's that terrible smell again! Can you smell it?'
'Smell it?' He said, 'Lady, I'm sittin' in it!'
~thanks to RSommers
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When Ma and Pa first arrived on the homestead, Pa installed a bell on
the front porch and told Ma, "If trouble comes while I'm out in the
field a plowin', then you just ring that bell and I'll come a-runnin'."
The next day Pa hears the bell and takes off for home. When he arrives
Ma says, "Them boys are givin me a hard time about doin' the chores and
little Sammy done stuck the butter knife in the molasses without lickin
the blade clean first."
Pa says, "You mean I just run all the way in from the fields for this?
Next time it had better be important."
The next day Pa hears the bell and takes off for home again. When he
arrives, his wife is in tears standing over a broke clothes line. "Pa,"
she says, "some jackass came ridin' through here on a mule and ran right
through the clothesline and ruint the washin'."
At first Pa was trying to figure out what was ridin' what but then he
yells, "I told you not to ring that bell unless something bad was goin'
on. If this happens again, I'm gonna whap you with a board."
The next day Pa hears the bell again and grabbin' up a board, heads for
home. When he arrives Ma is clinging to the porch rail with a spear in
her back, the house behind her is in flames and the chickens are laying
dead in the front yard, shot full of arrows.
Pa looks at Ma and says, "Now THAT'S more like it."
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Sitting at the kitchen table after dinner one night, my son-in-law was
telling us that he'd finished his training for volunteer firefighting
and was showing us his beeper. As he spoke, the beeper let out a shrill
"there's a fire" message. Bryan nearly jumped over the table getting to
the door. We watched him as he raced for the car and sped up the block
to the fire hall.
"It's wonderful to know our firemen are trained to respond instantly," I
said to my daughter. "I didn't know Bryan could move so fast."
"I hate to burst your bubble, Mom," she replied,
"but the first guy there gets to drive the truck."
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With all the tragedy in the world these days we overlooked the passing
of a man who touched us all.
Larry LePrise passed away at the age of 96.
Larry is most well known as the songwriter who wrote THE HOKEY POKEY.
His passing was especially difficult for his family...and the funeral
and burial service were very taxing.
You see...While preparing his casket...they put his left foot in...and
then all the trouble started.
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The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on
earth are blind people doing driving?!"
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Xtreme Parting Thought
The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are
the neighbors.
That’s a wrap…exit, stage left.
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